we just dont understand the full magnitude of any situation really
what it could mean for the tomorrow
just fixed on today... like thats normal
heaven couldnt wait for you
we all knew it but it didnt change the way we felt or fix our broken hearts..
i wouldnt want to get to thinking at this hour.. so ill just leave you with this
just because we visit some place often doesnt mean we know it
Friday 20 December 2013
Saturday 30 November 2013
The Train.
Walking towards the station he was leaving from,
the bags seem heavier leaving than they were when he arrived
I am scared to look at him, to see his eyes, for I know he will show me the tears
the train would be here soon and I didn't know how to be
it was like my first day in my own body
the feelings were warped
it was getting colder as it was that time of year
the one when the gloves come out and the wind cuts you
silence was all we could muster
silence was all we deserved
The train arrived and with it, it brought the leaves and hustle and bustles of lives
people were jumping out of every door, pushing past each other with their places to be
rushing off to join the lives that were awaiting their arrivals
me and him just stood still, like statues, motionless even if our hearts were breaking
with a lump in my throat, I turned to him and wished him a safe journey
I handed him his bags as he stepped into the open door
his life was awaiting his arrival and mine was here still
stiller than it had ever felt
Off blew the whistle and the train chugged off down the track
I could barely see his eyes as I strained to keep our lock as all the things I should have said and done crashed around my head
only 10 minutes ago, we had been walking towards the station
and now here I was leaving it alone
off back to my life
him off to his...
the bags seem heavier leaving than they were when he arrived
I am scared to look at him, to see his eyes, for I know he will show me the tears
the train would be here soon and I didn't know how to be
it was like my first day in my own body
the feelings were warped
it was getting colder as it was that time of year
the one when the gloves come out and the wind cuts you
silence was all we could muster
silence was all we deserved
The train arrived and with it, it brought the leaves and hustle and bustles of lives
people were jumping out of every door, pushing past each other with their places to be
rushing off to join the lives that were awaiting their arrivals
me and him just stood still, like statues, motionless even if our hearts were breaking
with a lump in my throat, I turned to him and wished him a safe journey
I handed him his bags as he stepped into the open door
his life was awaiting his arrival and mine was here still
stiller than it had ever felt
Off blew the whistle and the train chugged off down the track
I could barely see his eyes as I strained to keep our lock as all the things I should have said and done crashed around my head
only 10 minutes ago, we had been walking towards the station
and now here I was leaving it alone
off back to my life
him off to his...
Friday 29 November 2013
babbles
So he said don't you worry, keep your mouth shut up
don't care about the money, it doesn't even matter any more
just take all I brought you, and be happy that you can
and run so fast, you cant see me again
don't ask for forgiveness never was a strong point
just go now, please, just leave me before I change my mind
don't care about the money, it doesn't even matter any more
just take all I brought you, and be happy that you can
and run so fast, you cant see me again
don't ask for forgiveness never was a strong point
just go now, please, just leave me before I change my mind
Saturday 23 November 2013
It's Nothing To Write Home About
Its nothing and it never was
the page was never written on
I imagined the ink as it marked out the words together forever and I thought I felt the feelings
however, it was all just pretend and a way to kill time
and I am the one left with that look on my face
I am glad though, that I finally do know
and although it is a kind of I told you so - I will finally pack up my shit and go go
I will look in the mirror and I will see the pain caused show in my eyes
I will see the tears I've cried for you glow in the dark
I will feel ashamed
I will wish it was a joke
I will pray nobody noticed
Its nothing and it never was
everybody wanted a piece of the cake that never existed
people would gather and laugh and joke yet the guest would never appear
the party would go on all through the night
people would drink and chatter
we would all say we were here, here to show them they were the most important
yet the most important made no effort at all to even open the door
even tell us that we mattered
just hear what you wanna hear
think what you wanna think
believe in the fairy-tales and magic if you really want to
your choice right?
If it was how it should be, people would be honest from day 1
not drag us around in this fashion so we can all think this and that
look stupid in the end
and feel that shame almost drown us
just you know.. be honest, say what we mean, mean what we say
I honestly don't wanna worry you
but I felt this and had to divulge
it would just weigh me down otherwise
plus one day I hope to read it back and realise
that I am right, was right and will remember this insight
Fuck You - to all those liars out there, those people who couldn't really give a shit
I really couldn't care about your lives any more.
the page was never written on
I imagined the ink as it marked out the words together forever and I thought I felt the feelings
however, it was all just pretend and a way to kill time
and I am the one left with that look on my face
I am glad though, that I finally do know
and although it is a kind of I told you so - I will finally pack up my shit and go go
I will look in the mirror and I will see the pain caused show in my eyes
I will see the tears I've cried for you glow in the dark
I will feel ashamed
I will wish it was a joke
I will pray nobody noticed
Its nothing and it never was
everybody wanted a piece of the cake that never existed
people would gather and laugh and joke yet the guest would never appear
the party would go on all through the night
people would drink and chatter
we would all say we were here, here to show them they were the most important
yet the most important made no effort at all to even open the door
even tell us that we mattered
just hear what you wanna hear
think what you wanna think
believe in the fairy-tales and magic if you really want to
your choice right?
If it was how it should be, people would be honest from day 1
not drag us around in this fashion so we can all think this and that
look stupid in the end
and feel that shame almost drown us
just you know.. be honest, say what we mean, mean what we say
I honestly don't wanna worry you
but I felt this and had to divulge
it would just weigh me down otherwise
plus one day I hope to read it back and realise
that I am right, was right and will remember this insight
Fuck You - to all those liars out there, those people who couldn't really give a shit
I really couldn't care about your lives any more.
Safe
Take my hand
hold me up
pretend for a moment I am a child again
remember the crossing of roads
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross
Take my hand
lead me there
tell me that the fears aren't real
remind me of my strengths
Please don't let go
I am needing you
I am relying on you today
To be a child again
never a pain worth noting
just the bad people and the bad dreams
never the challenges of today
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross
cross the road together
safely reach the other side
with my brother and my mother
no harm done
take my hand..
hold me up
pretend for a moment I am a child again
remember the crossing of roads
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross
Take my hand
lead me there
tell me that the fears aren't real
remind me of my strengths
Please don't let go
I am needing you
I am relying on you today
To be a child again
never a pain worth noting
just the bad people and the bad dreams
never the challenges of today
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross
cross the road together
safely reach the other side
with my brother and my mother
no harm done
take my hand..
Sunday 3 November 2013
Leaving
Take it all, don't even stop
I want you to leave me with nothing
don't look alarmed, it's not like this is the first time really is it?
don't ever tell me you've been there
don't ever tell me you have truly cared
because here we are sat together and you can't even find the words to fix all the mess
the mess, I should add, you created
Wondering around the streets at night is something I often think about doing
I think that if I wonder long enough I might find the one thing I am looking for
You want to know what that is?
I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it
all I know is, I have yet to find it
I don't need the people who think I need them
I need the people that are the first things I think about as I wake
I want those that want to road trip with me till dawn
I know that they will always help themselves
they will take so many helpings it leaves nothing for anybody new
they take it all but want nothing
it is one of those things I have never understood
I work out sometimes so hard the body is left feeling numb
I turn the music louder to block you all out
I push myself so hard that sometimes I am surprised with my own capabilities
I always hit the target though, I never give up
I am so much stronger than even I care to acknowledge
the mess, I should add, you created
but I left it with you - I walked away a long time ago
Don't put your shit on my shoulders, I have enough to carry
I want you to leave me with nothing
don't look alarmed, it's not like this is the first time really is it?
don't ever tell me you've been there
don't ever tell me you have truly cared
because here we are sat together and you can't even find the words to fix all the mess
the mess, I should add, you created
Wondering around the streets at night is something I often think about doing
I think that if I wonder long enough I might find the one thing I am looking for
You want to know what that is?
I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it
all I know is, I have yet to find it
I don't need the people who think I need them
I need the people that are the first things I think about as I wake
I want those that want to road trip with me till dawn
I know that they will always help themselves
they will take so many helpings it leaves nothing for anybody new
they take it all but want nothing
it is one of those things I have never understood
I work out sometimes so hard the body is left feeling numb
I turn the music louder to block you all out
I push myself so hard that sometimes I am surprised with my own capabilities
I always hit the target though, I never give up
I am so much stronger than even I care to acknowledge
the mess, I should add, you created
but I left it with you - I walked away a long time ago
Don't put your shit on my shoulders, I have enough to carry
Taking the bags
Follow me to the door
help me compose myself like you did before
help me with my bags as I struggle with my tears
don't look at me too much, all I am showing is pain
When I say I love you believe it this time
please see me and watch me forgetting the wannabe
tell me that this was real and that all we had meant something to you
tell me that you will miss me and will think of me some days
Open the door and let in the night sky
the wind seems to have calmed since this day started
it seems to have relaxed with our rows and upset
it seems to be quiet, as we prepare to say goodbye for the last time
Taxi is waiting, the clouds are heavy above me
my heart has fallen apart with it all
you look at me and try to comfort me
I shrug you off me, I cant have something, I need all of it or none of it
help me compose myself like you did before
help me with my bags as I struggle with my tears
don't look at me too much, all I am showing is pain
When I say I love you believe it this time
please see me and watch me forgetting the wannabe
tell me that this was real and that all we had meant something to you
tell me that you will miss me and will think of me some days
Open the door and let in the night sky
the wind seems to have calmed since this day started
it seems to have relaxed with our rows and upset
it seems to be quiet, as we prepare to say goodbye for the last time
Taxi is waiting, the clouds are heavy above me
my heart has fallen apart with it all
you look at me and try to comfort me
I shrug you off me, I cant have something, I need all of it or none of it
Saturday 26 October 2013
EST. 1987 ::::: F.E.A.R
"be that person they talk about
dont shy away from the crowds
collect your prize at the end of the race
this is the race of your life
competing with the enemy and helping the friends
getting lost on the way but not giving in"
look at me now
all this you have done
all this shit you created and all you do is look up once, and walk away
i can feel the smirk on your face as you forget the whole thing
like you blink and i'm forgotten
i tried to help you you know
no need for the selfish no need for the hurting
i will just have to fix it myself this time
i wont cry or hide away this time
i wont just forgive and forget this time
this time i will get over it
i will grow up as i do when the shit hits the fan
in life this is just a little activity
to remind you that people can be oh so full of it
they can tell you all you wish to hear
and say different behind your back
and that this is just one of those times
one of those times i will just say ok cool
put a fork in me, i'm done
and i'm bored
and i'm tired
and i'm just fed up of the running around you shit
you want me?
you know where i am
fucking over it now
seriously!
games are for kids
i was a kid a long time ago
toodle pip
dont shy away from the crowds
collect your prize at the end of the race
this is the race of your life
competing with the enemy and helping the friends
getting lost on the way but not giving in"
look at me now
all this you have done
all this shit you created and all you do is look up once, and walk away
i can feel the smirk on your face as you forget the whole thing
like you blink and i'm forgotten
i tried to help you you know
no need for the selfish no need for the hurting
i will just have to fix it myself this time
i wont cry or hide away this time
i wont just forgive and forget this time
this time i will get over it
i will grow up as i do when the shit hits the fan
in life this is just a little activity
to remind you that people can be oh so full of it
they can tell you all you wish to hear
and say different behind your back
and that this is just one of those times
one of those times i will just say ok cool
put a fork in me, i'm done
and i'm bored
and i'm tired
and i'm just fed up of the running around you shit
you want me?
you know where i am
fucking over it now
seriously!
games are for kids
i was a kid a long time ago
toodle pip
Short Bites
wait a moment
watch the storm
let yourself be taken
up and high and far away
keep your secrets
in your heart
tell nobody
don't even whisper
catch a snowflake
stumble on leaves
burn in the sun
collect all your memories
please just let it be as it should
don't try fighting it any more
accept the faults of others and carry on
don't look back, don't show them hurt
standing so tall trees compete
heart so deep, scars visible
just short bites of my feelings
nothing to worry about
watch the storm
let yourself be taken
up and high and far away
keep your secrets
in your heart
tell nobody
don't even whisper
catch a snowflake
stumble on leaves
burn in the sun
collect all your memories
please just let it be as it should
don't try fighting it any more
accept the faults of others and carry on
don't look back, don't show them hurt
standing so tall trees compete
heart so deep, scars visible
just short bites of my feelings
nothing to worry about
Sunday 13 October 2013
Final
If I come to you, be there
If I ask to see you, arrive
If I call you, answer
For I won't do it for games
I shall be real to you and for you
Don't forget
Don't forget the way I made you feel that day...
If I ask to see you, arrive
If I call you, answer
For I won't do it for games
I shall be real to you and for you
Don't forget
Don't forget the way I made you feel that day...
Here I go
Here we go, the day has started again
the sky is above us, your mind is full
the steps are harder to climb - not like they were
here I go, hold my hand, you might need to convince me to go inside
I don't know why I'm here sometimes
I see all their faces for the last time,
I could cry but I won't
I think about their futures and what this will all mean to us
I try and catch my thoughts as they spiral out of control
I feel nervous
I think about the weekend and how the other side will be new
how the hour will be earlier and I will be out and about
I will be smarter and become a new chapter
I will close this one down now, and just carry those things I need
I am scared
I know this will be a new exciting time
I look forward to all it will mean
I refresh my brain and cleanse my mind
I packed away all of the troubles and put them away
I don't need that negative any more
The door closes, I have left, I feel relief and sadness entwine me
but I am okay, I have said goodbye lots before
I don't stay still forever
years count on by and I wish to evolve with the times
I hold up my head, smile at the sky, I will never go back.
the sky is above us, your mind is full
the steps are harder to climb - not like they were
here I go, hold my hand, you might need to convince me to go inside
I don't know why I'm here sometimes
I see all their faces for the last time,
I could cry but I won't
I think about their futures and what this will all mean to us
I try and catch my thoughts as they spiral out of control
I feel nervous
I think about the weekend and how the other side will be new
how the hour will be earlier and I will be out and about
I will be smarter and become a new chapter
I will close this one down now, and just carry those things I need
I am scared
I know this will be a new exciting time
I look forward to all it will mean
I refresh my brain and cleanse my mind
I packed away all of the troubles and put them away
I don't need that negative any more
The door closes, I have left, I feel relief and sadness entwine me
but I am okay, I have said goodbye lots before
I don't stay still forever
years count on by and I wish to evolve with the times
I hold up my head, smile at the sky, I will never go back.
Saturday 5 October 2013
Awaiting Decisions
Today is the day I say to myself as I prepare
Today is the day, arrived faster than I'd of liked
I know it is for the best, I say as I fix up my hair
I know I'll be fine I say as I climb out my chair
I make my way there, as I have done so often
I feel nervous and sick and can feel my heart in my mouth
I am going to be okay, people do this all the time
What will be will be, try your best to sway it your way
I think about the possibilities and it blows my mind
I think about the endings and I can't fight the tears
I think about the words and I just get overtaken with all of this emotion
For, today is the day, the way which will determine whether I have changed direction
Whether the crossroad is here
Whether I can move on to the next chapter...
Today is the day, arrived faster than I'd of liked
I know it is for the best, I say as I fix up my hair
I know I'll be fine I say as I climb out my chair
I make my way there, as I have done so often
I feel nervous and sick and can feel my heart in my mouth
I am going to be okay, people do this all the time
What will be will be, try your best to sway it your way
I think about the possibilities and it blows my mind
I think about the endings and I can't fight the tears
I think about the words and I just get overtaken with all of this emotion
For, today is the day, the way which will determine whether I have changed direction
Whether the crossroad is here
Whether I can move on to the next chapter...
Wednesday 2 October 2013
These Streets Will Never Change
Walking down the streets that we know so well
watching the leaves collect on the floor in heaps
turn off our music and listen to the beats of the life around us
take it all in, long and deep breaths
Catching that look of that stranger over there
smile back, as they try not to glare
try your best to keep your eyes level
don't whatever you do give in to the floor
The traffic is slowing as the day hits rush hour
people just gather and appear from nowhere
there are cars all around you, hustling and bustling
impatiently queuing and huffing and puffing
The lights change to green and off goes the traffic
faster and faster they climb in their paces
music and chatter and texting and thinking
blocking out the life, blocking out the calm
I just sit on this bench and I take it all in
and I breathe in the smells of the food and this evening
and I watch people swerve past at the quickest of hurries
with there places to go and the places to see
I get up brush myself off and start to walk myself home
the sun has gone in and the night has surrounded us
I walk past chippys and bus stops and rowdy public houses
people chatting, and laughing and getting on with their evening
I put in my headphones, turn on the Ipod and start listening to my music
blocking out buses and cars and passers by
walking the streets that I know so well
shuffling through the leaves on the pathway below
watching the leaves collect on the floor in heaps
turn off our music and listen to the beats of the life around us
take it all in, long and deep breaths
Catching that look of that stranger over there
smile back, as they try not to glare
try your best to keep your eyes level
don't whatever you do give in to the floor
The traffic is slowing as the day hits rush hour
people just gather and appear from nowhere
there are cars all around you, hustling and bustling
impatiently queuing and huffing and puffing
The lights change to green and off goes the traffic
faster and faster they climb in their paces
music and chatter and texting and thinking
blocking out the life, blocking out the calm
I just sit on this bench and I take it all in
and I breathe in the smells of the food and this evening
and I watch people swerve past at the quickest of hurries
with there places to go and the places to see
I get up brush myself off and start to walk myself home
the sun has gone in and the night has surrounded us
I walk past chippys and bus stops and rowdy public houses
people chatting, and laughing and getting on with their evening
I put in my headphones, turn on the Ipod and start listening to my music
blocking out buses and cars and passers by
walking the streets that I know so well
shuffling through the leaves on the pathway below
Sunday 29 September 2013
Free fall...
Quick, I am falling here I can see the floor getting closer
yet you just stand there, like this is dreaming, like you are tripping
girl this is real, I am falling faster getting closer and you have just blinked and looked impatient
like what are you doing here, if you had no real desire to help me, protect me, support me
just to stand there now and watch me
closer and closer
I can see the houses and the fields and the sky is out of my reach
and the weather is changing and my heart is beating faster and faster as I get closer and closer
I'm screaming at you to catch me
to notice me to please look up and see me
I know you can feel me, I know you hear my heart at night
I know you feel my heart crush at the sound of your demise the sound of you leaving
the door closing, the slam of the door against my beating heart, no wall up, no trap door
just bare feelings
bare emotions
tears are falling out of my eyes as the floor is about to swallow me up
shatter my body
take apart my soul
as you just stand and wait
stand and contemplate walking away
watching you go as I accept my end
accept the last page
accept the happy ending.. was never for me
it wasn't written that way for me
it was never about me or you
just people and lives
and crashing and battling
and just waiting for that soul to meet mine
to hold me up away from the trouble
catch all my tears and keep me upright
to look up and see me fall
and to stop it all before it was too late
before you had walked away and shut that gate
wow its closer now
I can feel the pain before I even hit the floor
CRASH!!
SLAM!!
shattered and over and out
over and out
over and out
turn out the light
shut out the world
shut it out for good..
waiting
waiting for round two
Are You Ready?
yet you just stand there, like this is dreaming, like you are tripping
girl this is real, I am falling faster getting closer and you have just blinked and looked impatient
like what are you doing here, if you had no real desire to help me, protect me, support me
just to stand there now and watch me
closer and closer
I can see the houses and the fields and the sky is out of my reach
and the weather is changing and my heart is beating faster and faster as I get closer and closer
I'm screaming at you to catch me
to notice me to please look up and see me
I know you can feel me, I know you hear my heart at night
I know you feel my heart crush at the sound of your demise the sound of you leaving
the door closing, the slam of the door against my beating heart, no wall up, no trap door
just bare feelings
bare emotions
tears are falling out of my eyes as the floor is about to swallow me up
shatter my body
take apart my soul
as you just stand and wait
stand and contemplate walking away
watching you go as I accept my end
accept the last page
accept the happy ending.. was never for me
it wasn't written that way for me
it was never about me or you
just people and lives
and crashing and battling
and just waiting for that soul to meet mine
to hold me up away from the trouble
catch all my tears and keep me upright
to look up and see me fall
and to stop it all before it was too late
before you had walked away and shut that gate
wow its closer now
I can feel the pain before I even hit the floor
CRASH!!
SLAM!!
shattered and over and out
over and out
over and out
turn out the light
shut out the world
shut it out for good..
waiting
waiting for round two
Are You Ready?
Thursday 26 September 2013
Fading Pictures
What will it mean?
What will it do?
When I can no longer talk to you, because I have left and you will have gone and everything we had will become a none
I wont watch you with newbies, because it just hurts - I'll accept this is life and sometimes we get burnt.
I don't want your sympathy, I don't play your games, I won't challenge anybody - I think its all lame
I won't stop the honesty as it flows through my heart, as my wound is still healing and will surely leave a mark
I won't stop you arguing or trying to upset me, I'll just accept it for now and know it will disappear one day
I ain't after pity or pretending to care for me, I am after sincerity and actuality
reality and simplicity, new chapters, old memories
My arm does so ache as the operation still rings around my body,
the damage has been taken and left a heap of mess
the mess, it is healing but aching all the same
I sit and I wait it out
Wait it all out
knowing the corner is coming
know that I am changing and wanting more
forgotten already
not missed - fading pictures...
What will it do?
When I can no longer talk to you, because I have left and you will have gone and everything we had will become a none
I wont watch you with newbies, because it just hurts - I'll accept this is life and sometimes we get burnt.
I don't want your sympathy, I don't play your games, I won't challenge anybody - I think its all lame
I won't stop the honesty as it flows through my heart, as my wound is still healing and will surely leave a mark
I won't stop you arguing or trying to upset me, I'll just accept it for now and know it will disappear one day
I ain't after pity or pretending to care for me, I am after sincerity and actuality
reality and simplicity, new chapters, old memories
My arm does so ache as the operation still rings around my body,
the damage has been taken and left a heap of mess
the mess, it is healing but aching all the same
I sit and I wait it out
Wait it all out
knowing the corner is coming
know that I am changing and wanting more
forgotten already
not missed - fading pictures...
Sunday 22 September 2013
Do I ?
Catch a snowflake, hold it close, think of me
Don't wish, don't worry - Just go out and make it happen
Watch me walk this world and watch me pick myself up
Wait and see and nothing will be
Go out there and grab hold of the day
Both hands, hold tight, enjoy all that you see
I think about you and I worry about the truth
I see that you see me, when we make eye contact you look directly at me
You can see the way that I feel and you feel it too - Cuz I see it through
Your eyes - so honest - show me all your pain
Show me the tears that hide behind the rain
Hide behind the acting and want to be's
Don't worry though - cuz you got me and I got you too
No one can ever take this from us
Or get this
Only us, only we - Just all about You and Me
Friendship is love
Don't wish, don't worry - Just go out and make it happen
Watch me walk this world and watch me pick myself up
Wait and see and nothing will be
Go out there and grab hold of the day
Both hands, hold tight, enjoy all that you see
I think about you and I worry about the truth
I see that you see me, when we make eye contact you look directly at me
You can see the way that I feel and you feel it too - Cuz I see it through
Your eyes - so honest - show me all your pain
Show me the tears that hide behind the rain
Hide behind the acting and want to be's
Don't worry though - cuz you got me and I got you too
No one can ever take this from us
Or get this
Only us, only we - Just all about You and Me
Friendship is love
Monday 16 September 2013
Saturday 14 September 2013
Past Times
Follow me to the end of my day
follow me and try not to run away
follow me with my feelings and see how the pain is hidden
watch me smile, see ma tears hiding?
Don't tell me how I should be like you
as come on now, we all have our own lives to live on through
we cant all be the way we should be in each others eyes
we all do as we do, and Ill remember you - when I don't have a clue
Watch me get ready alone in my room
filling the silence with the music over and over
watch me draw on my smile and calm approach
when inside I got lonely and cant find the crowds
I get entwined in peoples stories
I figure I can help them and wish them all of my dreams
I take away from me everyday and hand it out to the happy
I search for the past times, I long for the smiley times
I hold out hoping for the love times
I know this is my times
But I just can't back off those people in need
I know they are full of crowds yet no one sees them cry
Follow me to the end of the day
Watch me pack up my bags
Watch me keep eyes fixed to the floor, music blaring in my ears
Blocking out the silence
Making it seem busy
Making me seem happy...
follow me and try not to run away
follow me with my feelings and see how the pain is hidden
watch me smile, see ma tears hiding?
Don't tell me how I should be like you
as come on now, we all have our own lives to live on through
we cant all be the way we should be in each others eyes
we all do as we do, and Ill remember you - when I don't have a clue
Watch me get ready alone in my room
filling the silence with the music over and over
watch me draw on my smile and calm approach
when inside I got lonely and cant find the crowds
I get entwined in peoples stories
I figure I can help them and wish them all of my dreams
I take away from me everyday and hand it out to the happy
I search for the past times, I long for the smiley times
I hold out hoping for the love times
I know this is my times
But I just can't back off those people in need
I know they are full of crowds yet no one sees them cry
Follow me to the end of the day
Watch me pack up my bags
Watch me keep eyes fixed to the floor, music blaring in my ears
Blocking out the silence
Making it seem busy
Making me seem happy...
Tuesday 10 September 2013
Compassion
Do they know the meaning?
Am I the only one?
Do I live this life alone?
I watch them play with the devil
I hear them spit their words of vile
I watch the drama all kick off
I stay back
I avoid all this and that
I have tasted the poison before
- It didn't hook me
I only hope you all will see
The way you used to be and the way you claim to be
I hope your footsteps become tougher as you trudge on through your days
Watching those you hurt and bullied become stronger
Watch them pass you on that ladder
Watch them succeed in all the ways you can't
Watch them pass exams and graduate with pride
Don't hate them - But I guess you know of nothing else
As they help you too, with the love you never dealt
Watch them sit and listen and care
and not hold this upon you, like you did to them
and when we all say goodbye and bow on our last scene
Understand my words and see that whatever you may have said or threw at me then
Today I am okay
I am strong
Do they even know the meaning?
Compassion
Determination
Inner Strength
Am I the only one?
Do I live this life alone?
I watch them play with the devil
I hear them spit their words of vile
I watch the drama all kick off
I stay back
I avoid all this and that
I have tasted the poison before
- It didn't hook me
I only hope you all will see
The way you used to be and the way you claim to be
I hope your footsteps become tougher as you trudge on through your days
Watching those you hurt and bullied become stronger
Watch them pass you on that ladder
Watch them succeed in all the ways you can't
Watch them pass exams and graduate with pride
Don't hate them - But I guess you know of nothing else
As they help you too, with the love you never dealt
Watch them sit and listen and care
and not hold this upon you, like you did to them
and when we all say goodbye and bow on our last scene
Understand my words and see that whatever you may have said or threw at me then
Today I am okay
I am strong
Do they even know the meaning?
Compassion
Determination
Inner Strength
Sunday 8 September 2013
Waves
Enlightened by the prospects of a new place to be
the sun the sand and most importantly the sea
excited about the break away
fully paid for, eating it all and surely drinking it all
comforted by the company
relaxed by the sounds
watching the nature around you for hours - not bustling through streets to that office
listening and deciphering the truths in your minds thought
not babbling to the brooks of codes on screens
looking up and seeing no spoilt speck
no spoilt line or cloud
just blue and blue and bluer still... non of this rainfall mess
waking up en-lifted and happy and so happy to just do as you do
The days turn into blurs compared with hours being months
the day falls away sweetly compared to dragged out and flaky
the tears come for the happy - not for the strained
holidays come once yearly
they build you up, they bring the sunshine and the tans and the relaxed lives
but taken away, snatched like a full plate of food, you sit there ... trying to understand what you did wrong
why you had to leave it
why it went by so fast
why every moment meant something
every word muttered rings in my ears tonight like music
music I love to hear
but forget I knew
Crashing waves take away all that feels broken in our lives
the sun sets on the love
we all accept our lives as they are, for we believe, it is what we deserve;
time out taught me this:
Life will be what ever you want it to be
its not about trying your best, its about believing you will succeed.
Chink our glasses to another successful brightly coloured holiday abroad,
a beautiful time was had on my 18 days break
now to crash some waves on this beach back home!
S. France Sept 2013. Taken by Me :)
the sun the sand and most importantly the sea
excited about the break away
fully paid for, eating it all and surely drinking it all
comforted by the company
relaxed by the sounds
watching the nature around you for hours - not bustling through streets to that office
listening and deciphering the truths in your minds thought
not babbling to the brooks of codes on screens
looking up and seeing no spoilt speck
no spoilt line or cloud
just blue and blue and bluer still... non of this rainfall mess
waking up en-lifted and happy and so happy to just do as you do
The days turn into blurs compared with hours being months
the day falls away sweetly compared to dragged out and flaky
the tears come for the happy - not for the strained
holidays come once yearly
they build you up, they bring the sunshine and the tans and the relaxed lives
but taken away, snatched like a full plate of food, you sit there ... trying to understand what you did wrong
why you had to leave it
why it went by so fast
why every moment meant something
every word muttered rings in my ears tonight like music
music I love to hear
but forget I knew
Crashing waves take away all that feels broken in our lives
the sun sets on the love
we all accept our lives as they are, for we believe, it is what we deserve;
time out taught me this:
Life will be what ever you want it to be
its not about trying your best, its about believing you will succeed.
Chink our glasses to another successful brightly coloured holiday abroad,
a beautiful time was had on my 18 days break
now to crash some waves on this beach back home!
S. France Sept 2013. Taken by Me :)
Sunday 18 August 2013
If I Could
If I could I would reach down and take it from you
Like a parcel I would remove it from your reach
I would hide it away from your eyes and pray you don't remember on the nights that you wake
If I could I would talk you through the dealing
stop your heart from reeling
when it remembers the truth and it hurts and it cuts you
I would stop the day from ending
so you fall asleep in the light
scared of the dark, scared of the dark
If I could I would be there for you till the end
till the end of our lives
but we both know I won't be
we carry on this dance
this acting out the days
this pretending it will never end
If I could I would hold you
I would hold you till the tears finally gave in
till you felt strong enough to deal
till you accepted it
till you faced it
till you learnt to live with it
If I could
If I could... I would help you more than I seem to do right now
than I did all those nights of no sleeping
and just battling
and just trying to stop yourself from crying
I won't forget you
for you are someone who mattered
and forever you will stay in my heart
whatever happens
whatever changes
forever in my heart....
Till I leave this sunlight too
and join all of you above the stars
Until that day, I will continue to fight for people's hearts
and people's futures - in whatever way I can
until my heart stops... I won't change
I won't change
Like a parcel I would remove it from your reach
I would hide it away from your eyes and pray you don't remember on the nights that you wake
If I could I would talk you through the dealing
stop your heart from reeling
when it remembers the truth and it hurts and it cuts you
I would stop the day from ending
so you fall asleep in the light
scared of the dark, scared of the dark
If I could I would be there for you till the end
till the end of our lives
but we both know I won't be
we carry on this dance
this acting out the days
this pretending it will never end
If I could I would hold you
I would hold you till the tears finally gave in
till you felt strong enough to deal
till you accepted it
till you faced it
till you learnt to live with it
If I could
If I could... I would help you more than I seem to do right now
than I did all those nights of no sleeping
and just battling
and just trying to stop yourself from crying
I won't forget you
for you are someone who mattered
and forever you will stay in my heart
whatever happens
whatever changes
forever in my heart....
Till I leave this sunlight too
and join all of you above the stars
Until that day, I will continue to fight for people's hearts
and people's futures - in whatever way I can
until my heart stops... I won't change
I won't change
Friday 16 August 2013
Funny.... Really...
It's funny how they say you gotta get up
You gotta get up and try again
Sometimes it can be so difficult... The tears are just falling on auto
You take that deep breath in as they say to, you feel light headed
Faint at the reality of your situation
I entwine myself into peoples bodies as I hug away the pain
I squeeze people so hard these days - I never used to
I hold on for my life - I still feel scared to let go
I look up at the eyes of the person I am with
- Their kindness overwhelms me
I want to scream so loud some nights, - alone - that would be effort in vain
I want to put on my coat and just run away in the direction of carefree
I wake up some mornings and the way I am living astounds me
paying bills, making money, getting by..
It is funny how they say what don't kill you makes you stronger
- how many times I have wished to die for ease
I know it isn't right to, but here is my confession
I am scared a lot of the time... I look back and to, back and to
I approach with caution, I feel weak if I remember my past, I cry so hard sometimes I want to be sick, I look up to my parents and wish they could help.. I realise one day... they won't be able to..
I miss things before they happen, I spend so much time stressing, I over-think and always have - But they say, "Kim, that's part of being you!"
I sometimes wish I could hide under my duvet all day,
I countdown to the weekend too often...
I will never do as you want me to
I look at my reflection and wish I was doing more with myself
The smile is there just the passion for the work I do... lacks somewhat
To end, it's funny really...
How easy it is to say do something and to actually do it
To put something into motion takes time, as they all say
but once you do, keep going...
You gotta get up and try again, keep calm and carry on
No such thing as failing...
You gotta get up and try again
Sometimes it can be so difficult... The tears are just falling on auto
You take that deep breath in as they say to, you feel light headed
Faint at the reality of your situation
I entwine myself into peoples bodies as I hug away the pain
I squeeze people so hard these days - I never used to
I hold on for my life - I still feel scared to let go
I look up at the eyes of the person I am with
- Their kindness overwhelms me
I want to scream so loud some nights, - alone - that would be effort in vain
I want to put on my coat and just run away in the direction of carefree
I wake up some mornings and the way I am living astounds me
paying bills, making money, getting by..
It is funny how they say what don't kill you makes you stronger
- how many times I have wished to die for ease
I know it isn't right to, but here is my confession
I am scared a lot of the time... I look back and to, back and to
I approach with caution, I feel weak if I remember my past, I cry so hard sometimes I want to be sick, I look up to my parents and wish they could help.. I realise one day... they won't be able to..
I miss things before they happen, I spend so much time stressing, I over-think and always have - But they say, "Kim, that's part of being you!"
I sometimes wish I could hide under my duvet all day,
I countdown to the weekend too often...
I will never do as you want me to
I look at my reflection and wish I was doing more with myself
The smile is there just the passion for the work I do... lacks somewhat
To end, it's funny really...
How easy it is to say do something and to actually do it
To put something into motion takes time, as they all say
but once you do, keep going...
You gotta get up and try again, keep calm and carry on
No such thing as failing...
"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail."
* Tapping the keys and making a noise
It doesn't make you better
You don't look stronger
You just look weak as you laugh in the corner
We all try our best
Sometimes it doesn't work
but don't you dare look down at us for at least trying
You might feel superior cause you stay till the end
but you're not - you are just being fooled
I wont continue to mention you though
and give you that ego boost
I will just walk away
Walk away with nothing to say
Walk away and not look over my shoulder
Walk away hearing you scream the abuse as I pick up pace
Walk away and leave behind what I thought meant something
Walk away and scatter my feelings
Leave the pieces on the floor
Not thinking to pick them up any more
You cursed them all
You trashed it all
It doesn't make you better
You don't look stronger
I feel sorry for people like you.
You don't look stronger
You just look weak as you laugh in the corner
We all try our best
Sometimes it doesn't work
but don't you dare look down at us for at least trying
You might feel superior cause you stay till the end
but you're not - you are just being fooled
I wont continue to mention you though
and give you that ego boost
I will just walk away
Walk away with nothing to say
Walk away and not look over my shoulder
Walk away hearing you scream the abuse as I pick up pace
Walk away and leave behind what I thought meant something
Walk away and scatter my feelings
Leave the pieces on the floor
Not thinking to pick them up any more
You cursed them all
You trashed it all
It doesn't make you better
You don't look stronger
I feel sorry for people like you.
Friday 9 August 2013
Trying to catch a wave
No one tells everyone everything
people deal with a lot on their own
they keep things to themselves
and hope there eyes don't give it away
we all wonder around the streets
some with smiles some with worries
some with a plan to end it
before we know it we are older and the life we dreamt of seems so far away
we are just accepting not fighting
no more courage it seems
people think they are the only one with a problem as they sit sad in there day jobs
praying for the weekend
praying for the peace
Yet I see it
I hear it
I watch you all pretend and I know it
I watch you think you'll never get it back
the passion you once had
the girl or boy you were you feel has drowned
but they haven't
you need to learn to just get the fcuk up
you need to concentrate hard and you will catch that wave
you will ride it higher than ever before
and god will you know it
you'll only crave more
you will beat everyone who told you, you couldn't
you will shut off every bully you ever encountered
for you will have courage
you will be something better
come on now
fcuk the sadness and catch that fcuking wave!
people deal with a lot on their own
they keep things to themselves
and hope there eyes don't give it away
we all wonder around the streets
some with smiles some with worries
some with a plan to end it
before we know it we are older and the life we dreamt of seems so far away
we are just accepting not fighting
no more courage it seems
people think they are the only one with a problem as they sit sad in there day jobs
praying for the weekend
praying for the peace
I hear it
I watch you all pretend and I know it
I watch you think you'll never get it back
the passion you once had
the girl or boy you were you feel has drowned
but they haven't
you need to learn to just get the fcuk up
you need to concentrate hard and you will catch that wave
you will ride it higher than ever before
and god will you know it
you'll only crave more
you will beat everyone who told you, you couldn't
you will shut off every bully you ever encountered
for you will have courage
you will be something better
come on now
fcuk the sadness and catch that fcuking wave!
Trust Me, I know
Just stop what you are doing, and look to the sky
Watch the clouds move slowly above you
That is your day becoming your night
And only you can make this day happen
From the moment you wake up, your life is counting down
even in your dreams the minutes and hours float past you
the thing is I wake up thinking the same things
why this, why that? Yet it is never something that is of REAL importance
See the truth I realise is we probably all waste time and our efforts on those we feel deserve it
Yet you are left without and wonder on nights why..
I have the experiences and history from my own life to understand why certain people just take take take
yet... even I will admit to forgetting it sometimes, and hoping that isn't the case
however... when I look to the sky and I think of the day I have had - I realise the sad feelings and shit - were for people who give me no time of their own
and as the clouds fill the sky and the night rolls in - what do I have...
Just stop what you are all doing and look to the sky
breathe in deep, fill your lungs and accept that this is YOUR life and this will be exactly what you make it
If you spend your days wasting your mind on others who don't deserve a second.. then flip that shit up and stop!
Stop the shit and start the life that ONLY you can make
So yeah... trust me when I say I know... as this is exactly how I feel right about now!!
But I will switch it up - Happy Friday Readers!
Watch the clouds move slowly above you
That is your day becoming your night
And only you can make this day happen
From the moment you wake up, your life is counting down
even in your dreams the minutes and hours float past you
the thing is I wake up thinking the same things
why this, why that? Yet it is never something that is of REAL importance
See the truth I realise is we probably all waste time and our efforts on those we feel deserve it
Yet you are left without and wonder on nights why..
I have the experiences and history from my own life to understand why certain people just take take take
yet... even I will admit to forgetting it sometimes, and hoping that isn't the case
however... when I look to the sky and I think of the day I have had - I realise the sad feelings and shit - were for people who give me no time of their own
and as the clouds fill the sky and the night rolls in - what do I have...
Just stop what you are all doing and look to the sky
breathe in deep, fill your lungs and accept that this is YOUR life and this will be exactly what you make it
If you spend your days wasting your mind on others who don't deserve a second.. then flip that shit up and stop!
Stop the shit and start the life that ONLY you can make
So yeah... trust me when I say I know... as this is exactly how I feel right about now!!
But I will switch it up - Happy Friday Readers!
Friday 2 August 2013
Don't Ever
Don't ever try to change yourself - you are who you are
Don't ever try to hurt yourself - just learn from all the drama
Don't ever have to explain yourself - life is as it is
Don't ever lose yourself - stay exactly as you are
Don't ever try to hurt yourself - just learn from all the drama
Don't ever have to explain yourself - life is as it is
Don't ever lose yourself - stay exactly as you are
Sunday 28 July 2013
Views from the tracks
.......I look ahead and I see what I want
I grasp all that I have and I carry on walking
My feet are bleeding, my clothes are sodden from the rainfall
I have cuts and bruises all over me, yet to you I look unhurt
I quicken my pace as the sun goes down faster these days
I am almost there............
What would I be if it weren't for the truth
It would be lie upon lie and the lot would be fake
I would be there with his arm round my shoulder
The smile on his face would be fake
Where would I find myself if I didn't stand up for myself
If I didn't seek the honesty in people when all I see are lies
When I can see the body language and feel the signs yet others think I'm crazy
I do all I do because this is how I learn
I am who I am because my life has made me this way
I look at my past and I am happy with all the moments
I look at the views from my tracks and understand my choices
I realise I have been hurt and most likely will be again
I know I have worried and stumbled
But I have always stood right back up
With my age comes wisdom, experience and strength
Inner strength has kept me going
It is my drive
It is my motivation
It will lead me to my destiny... You watch....
I grasp all that I have and I carry on walking
My feet are bleeding, my clothes are sodden from the rainfall
I have cuts and bruises all over me, yet to you I look unhurt
I quicken my pace as the sun goes down faster these days
I am almost there............
What would I be if it weren't for the truth
It would be lie upon lie and the lot would be fake
I would be there with his arm round my shoulder
The smile on his face would be fake
Where would I find myself if I didn't stand up for myself
If I didn't seek the honesty in people when all I see are lies
When I can see the body language and feel the signs yet others think I'm crazy
I do all I do because this is how I learn
I am who I am because my life has made me this way
I look at my past and I am happy with all the moments
I look at the views from my tracks and understand my choices
I realise I have been hurt and most likely will be again
I know I have worried and stumbled
But I have always stood right back up
With my age comes wisdom, experience and strength
Inner strength has kept me going
It is my drive
It is my motivation
It will lead me to my destiny... You watch....
لكل شيء سببا
Thursday 18 July 2013
Meeting Me For The First Time
I am stood outside the room
I know that you are waiting for me
I am too scared to knock the door.. So I just wait
I hear her inside, she sounds stressed out.. Swearing under her breath
I think F*CK IT!!! What's the worst that can happen...
I knock, hear her mumble and open the door..
The room was so confusing, you don't really know where to look first
I was taken back with all of the images, she said she'd offer me a seat but there isn't any clear areas so to do my best in getting comfortable.
She seemed a little distant, like there was something laying heavy on her mind,
The way she spoke was fast but it wasn't really like she was saying much, I could see the hurt in her eyes, as they darted with the speed of her conversation change...
We finally found a space to sit and discuss the issues she had, she moved me with the stories of her experiences, it appeared she had lost a lot of trust along her travels, and was hanging onto the people she felt had her best intentions... struggling to make the move to new people, she said how she knew she was probably making the wrong decisions in her life but was only doing what she knew and said she was sorry for no excuse on this. She told me how people were always wanting more but, that the more they wanted was on loan to others.. and as she reiterated, she had no idea how to get that back..
She spoke of her passions, the industry she felt she would end up in her middle aged years, there was never much devotion to love, and when I queried she replied with a sullen look, the sadness in her face was overwhelming yet she managed to mutter the words, " I don't think I can do that any more, I am just too tired", she sounded defeated and it was a little too much for me, I was crying.
She told me how in her past, whenever she got into these areas of her life, she would hate to feel the sympathy and pity in whomever was listenings' eyes, she told me how she wasn't trying to play victim, but that she had never been a 'go with the flow kinda girl' so this was too alien to even pretend to try out, she was just tired of giving all that she could, her time, her care, her love, her persistence even when treated like a nobody to the people who had stayed around to gain her trust... How, she couldn't tell me how many tears she had cried this passed year, how it was damaging her on a daily and she had actually had enough!
I sat quietly, as she seemed to have gone silent for a moment, the tear rolled down her cheek and she seemed to be angry, angry that this was an emotion, a way of being that she felt she could never feel or have.. and it had just got too much, she didn't want to hide from her life because she was fearful, or because she didn't know where to tread, she just wanted the closure, she wanted to be set free but people were refusing to let her go.. she told me how when she tried to back off, calm down, take a step back people would need her more, they would tell her things that took her right back.. She would feel guilt for ever trying to leave them.............. She got up and walked to the window, she took a deep breath, she muttered colours of cars under her breath, she hated herself for being weak she said, she told me how they think shes so strong... She asked me if I believe in fate, if I believed in having a destiny.. She didn't seem any less down, if anything this chatting it through had made no difference, she said it just reminded her of the mess... like this room, she told me, she is just confused... and tired... ever so tired.
I know that you are waiting for me
I am too scared to knock the door.. So I just wait
I hear her inside, she sounds stressed out.. Swearing under her breath
I think F*CK IT!!! What's the worst that can happen...
I knock, hear her mumble and open the door..
The room was so confusing, you don't really know where to look first
I was taken back with all of the images, she said she'd offer me a seat but there isn't any clear areas so to do my best in getting comfortable.
She seemed a little distant, like there was something laying heavy on her mind,
The way she spoke was fast but it wasn't really like she was saying much, I could see the hurt in her eyes, as they darted with the speed of her conversation change...
We finally found a space to sit and discuss the issues she had, she moved me with the stories of her experiences, it appeared she had lost a lot of trust along her travels, and was hanging onto the people she felt had her best intentions... struggling to make the move to new people, she said how she knew she was probably making the wrong decisions in her life but was only doing what she knew and said she was sorry for no excuse on this. She told me how people were always wanting more but, that the more they wanted was on loan to others.. and as she reiterated, she had no idea how to get that back..
She spoke of her passions, the industry she felt she would end up in her middle aged years, there was never much devotion to love, and when I queried she replied with a sullen look, the sadness in her face was overwhelming yet she managed to mutter the words, " I don't think I can do that any more, I am just too tired", she sounded defeated and it was a little too much for me, I was crying.
She told me how in her past, whenever she got into these areas of her life, she would hate to feel the sympathy and pity in whomever was listenings' eyes, she told me how she wasn't trying to play victim, but that she had never been a 'go with the flow kinda girl' so this was too alien to even pretend to try out, she was just tired of giving all that she could, her time, her care, her love, her persistence even when treated like a nobody to the people who had stayed around to gain her trust... How, she couldn't tell me how many tears she had cried this passed year, how it was damaging her on a daily and she had actually had enough!
I sat quietly, as she seemed to have gone silent for a moment, the tear rolled down her cheek and she seemed to be angry, angry that this was an emotion, a way of being that she felt she could never feel or have.. and it had just got too much, she didn't want to hide from her life because she was fearful, or because she didn't know where to tread, she just wanted the closure, she wanted to be set free but people were refusing to let her go.. she told me how when she tried to back off, calm down, take a step back people would need her more, they would tell her things that took her right back.. She would feel guilt for ever trying to leave them.............. She got up and walked to the window, she took a deep breath, she muttered colours of cars under her breath, she hated herself for being weak she said, she told me how they think shes so strong... She asked me if I believe in fate, if I believed in having a destiny.. She didn't seem any less down, if anything this chatting it through had made no difference, she said it just reminded her of the mess... like this room, she told me, she is just confused... and tired... ever so tired.
Monday 1 July 2013
Stolen Shadows
I look over at the chair that was once yours
and the things surrounding it bring the tears... knowing that you no longer appear at my door
I try with my might to keep the memories alive as people pass on through
It is just one of those feelings that never goes away
Sullenly it follows you around like a stolen shadow from the past...
Bringing back the times you were about
Here's me wishing they will always last
See, nothing can be done about the whats been and gone
and I don't find typing it out ridding it
I just know that in my heart I have no regrets and all is as it should be
It's just one of those things when it matters to you
You know that somewhat annoying emotion known as care
and the even more uncontrollable love
It has its way of worming inside you and turning you into something new
Something better and brighter and ever so happier..
Stolen shadows to me means taking the things that don't fit the picture
Like dragging a shot from a film and putting it some place newer
In life I am finding my way but I am also seeing that not all can come with me
It's almost like the people you ask for directions.. they cant move with you
I have these ideals that I can steal the shadows
Make the times reappear
Freeze it over and watch it some more before I close the door
But I cant
No one can
Not a saddened ending though I must explain
I am not looking to grab emotion again
I just wish to divulge in my thoughts as they come
Introduce you to my ways
and just say how I miss the people who no longer stop by
Those left in another shot
Those stolen shadows must all stay as they were
As I continue on my life and my plot.
and the things surrounding it bring the tears... knowing that you no longer appear at my door
I try with my might to keep the memories alive as people pass on through
It is just one of those feelings that never goes away
Sullenly it follows you around like a stolen shadow from the past...
Bringing back the times you were about
Here's me wishing they will always last
See, nothing can be done about the whats been and gone
and I don't find typing it out ridding it
I just know that in my heart I have no regrets and all is as it should be
It's just one of those things when it matters to you
You know that somewhat annoying emotion known as care
and the even more uncontrollable love
It has its way of worming inside you and turning you into something new
Something better and brighter and ever so happier..
Stolen shadows to me means taking the things that don't fit the picture
Like dragging a shot from a film and putting it some place newer
In life I am finding my way but I am also seeing that not all can come with me
It's almost like the people you ask for directions.. they cant move with you
I have these ideals that I can steal the shadows
Make the times reappear
Freeze it over and watch it some more before I close the door
But I cant
No one can
Not a saddened ending though I must explain
I am not looking to grab emotion again
I just wish to divulge in my thoughts as they come
Introduce you to my ways
and just say how I miss the people who no longer stop by
Those left in another shot
Those stolen shadows must all stay as they were
As I continue on my life and my plot.
Saturday 22 June 2013
Petals on the floor
I close the window and I start to clear it all up
days like these weren't too often but took so much out of me
the room is feeling still for the first time in months
I am starting to miss your presence
I am de-cluttering and sorting and trying ever so hard to keep your scent
your chair is starting to look out of place
the flowers have seen better days
petals on the floor
I don't remember your laugh any more
the old family videos bring it all back though - although to listen is still tough
to keep the loving memory alive was never hard
I envisage you all from time to time
The sun is trying to push through the clouds, as my smile is through the tears
and I am sitting down in the garden with a glass in my hand
and I remember your voice - it arrives out of nowhere
it makes me feel safe and warmed
I don't need the sun for warmth any more
I know you are listening and watching my words
and I will pray for you for all of my life
and this house won't be the same but will never forget
all our memories live out once more
in the shadows when the daylight fades
cars are fewer and the times are replayed
I breathe in deep all of the moments
I smile with the love
we slip away out of this room
glance through the window
petals on the floor
pictures of the moments on the wall
vowing to never forget it all
R.I.P
days like these weren't too often but took so much out of me
the room is feeling still for the first time in months
I am starting to miss your presence
I am de-cluttering and sorting and trying ever so hard to keep your scent
your chair is starting to look out of place
the flowers have seen better days
petals on the floor
I don't remember your laugh any more
the old family videos bring it all back though - although to listen is still tough
to keep the loving memory alive was never hard
I envisage you all from time to time
The sun is trying to push through the clouds, as my smile is through the tears
and I am sitting down in the garden with a glass in my hand
and I remember your voice - it arrives out of nowhere
it makes me feel safe and warmed
I don't need the sun for warmth any more
I know you are listening and watching my words
and I will pray for you for all of my life
and this house won't be the same but will never forget
all our memories live out once more
in the shadows when the daylight fades
cars are fewer and the times are replayed
I breathe in deep all of the moments
I smile with the love
we slip away out of this room
glance through the window
petals on the floor
pictures of the moments on the wall
vowing to never forget it all
R.I.P
Thursday 30 May 2013
To Write A Love Story
If I was to write a love story
I would start with you
the eyes that take me through the dimensions of this world like a fairground ride
the way you speak and how it soothes any stress away
how you smell and the way I smile when I catch it some place else
I would tell everyone how we met - the day I can never forget
how when you said my name, I shivered
how I felt like I had found my home - you were the only place I ever wanted to be
I would talk of my future plans all wrapped up in you
how I wanted to marry you and be the missing piece
I would gush when you walked into the room
I would almost cry when you held my hand
I would just be overwhelmed with how my life could of ever been without you
You would tell everyone how I was your girl
how much you loved me and recall the day I became your wife
I would born your children and we would just exist in the utopia of us
Nothing would ever be the same again
If I was to tell you a love story it would start with YOU
and you would meet ME
we would become an US
and forever we would be... together and ever so happy....
I would start with you
the eyes that take me through the dimensions of this world like a fairground ride
the way you speak and how it soothes any stress away
how you smell and the way I smile when I catch it some place else
I would tell everyone how we met - the day I can never forget
how when you said my name, I shivered
how I felt like I had found my home - you were the only place I ever wanted to be
I would talk of my future plans all wrapped up in you
how I wanted to marry you and be the missing piece
I would gush when you walked into the room
I would almost cry when you held my hand
I would just be overwhelmed with how my life could of ever been without you
You would tell everyone how I was your girl
how much you loved me and recall the day I became your wife
I would born your children and we would just exist in the utopia of us
Nothing would ever be the same again
If I was to tell you a love story it would start with YOU
and you would meet ME
we would become an US
and forever we would be... together and ever so happy....
Independent Mind F*ck
Independent Mind F*ck
Lost faces and no expression
Jumping to the sound of my broken heart
Crying at the nothing
Mopping up the party mess
The party that lasted years
Tricking people with feelings
Wanting and receiving nothing
Losing the game
Pressing pause and just thinking
Breathing so deep it feels empty
Watching the moon brighten up the skies at night
Wishing on a star
Independent Mind F*ck
Never releasing the music to listen
Four walls
One Door
No window
Faith and all that Jazz
Not looking to make any sense
Lost faces and no expression
Jumping to the sound of my broken heart
Crying at the nothing
Mopping up the party mess
The party that lasted years
Tricking people with feelings
Wanting and receiving nothing
Losing the game
Pressing pause and just thinking
Breathing so deep it feels empty
Watching the moon brighten up the skies at night
Wishing on a star
Independent Mind F*ck
Never releasing the music to listen
Four walls
One Door
No window
Faith and all that Jazz
Not looking to make any sense
Monday 27 May 2013
The Storm
the news told us that something was going to happen
that the world wasn't ready for
people started to panic and washing was brought in off the garden lines
windows were closed and locked and the doors were shutting out every room
there wasn't a sound
people were aware of the damage this kind of storm could cause
as they had all witnessed it before or heard about it
yet they waited in silence
huddled together
it started to get darker in the sky even though it wasn't a late hour
and the clouds started to move together and become filled with the angry rain
people were praying and asking for forgiveness even though in their hearts - they knew it was too little, too late
they just didn't want to leave it - let it just attack without apologising first
the air felt warmer and the darkness surrounded every house on every street as far as we could see
then the thunder started
it ripped through the sky, without a thought or a care
then the lightning
it was looking to scare every little face looking at it
it wanted us all to know that it would control us
then the rain threw itself onto all it could
crashing down on the houses the cars the streets
filling the roads with water
flooding the lot
just letting out this pain and anger and just ripping all we had
taking it all into darkness
roaring through the skies above
people would remember, they wouldn't dare forget
the day the sky was unhappy
the day those believed they had upset the heavens
but afterwards
the sun would shine
so bright and so warm
and all seemed calm once more
for we had learnt
we had witnessed and we would never forget..
that the world wasn't ready for
people started to panic and washing was brought in off the garden lines
windows were closed and locked and the doors were shutting out every room
there wasn't a sound
people were aware of the damage this kind of storm could cause
as they had all witnessed it before or heard about it
yet they waited in silence
huddled together
it started to get darker in the sky even though it wasn't a late hour
and the clouds started to move together and become filled with the angry rain
people were praying and asking for forgiveness even though in their hearts - they knew it was too little, too late
they just didn't want to leave it - let it just attack without apologising first
the air felt warmer and the darkness surrounded every house on every street as far as we could see
then the thunder started
it ripped through the sky, without a thought or a care
then the lightning
it was looking to scare every little face looking at it
it wanted us all to know that it would control us
then the rain threw itself onto all it could
crashing down on the houses the cars the streets
filling the roads with water
flooding the lot
just letting out this pain and anger and just ripping all we had
taking it all into darkness
roaring through the skies above
people would remember, they wouldn't dare forget
the day the sky was unhappy
the day those believed they had upset the heavens
but afterwards
the sun would shine
so bright and so warm
and all seemed calm once more
for we had learnt
we had witnessed and we would never forget..
Saturday 25 May 2013
So It Is..
so I tell you something
you would be shocked to hear
I wouldn't bend your ear
If you knew it fair enough
to not is probably just luck
for I am known for being intense and to the point
and the feelings I trigger I don't wish to hurt
so Ill just sit here and watch if that is OK
and not try too hard to wish away the day
and not hold my breathe when you say we will meet
and not try to cry as you walk away
and just let it be whatever it shall
and not get jealous or hung up still
just accept it and force out a smile
for this is the how and this is the now
you would be shocked to hear
I wouldn't bend your ear
If you knew it fair enough
to not is probably just luck
for I am known for being intense and to the point
and the feelings I trigger I don't wish to hurt
so Ill just sit here and watch if that is OK
and not try too hard to wish away the day
and not hold my breathe when you say we will meet
and not try to cry as you walk away
and just let it be whatever it shall
and not get jealous or hung up still
just accept it and force out a smile
for this is the how and this is the now
Wednesday 15 May 2013
Just
I wont say I am happy
I wont say I am sad
I'll just say that there's something that I miss
I wont say its your fault,
I wont say its mine
I'll just say its one of those things that happen
I wont try and stop you or make you change
I wont force you to see it or to listen
I wont go on and on till the names I spit resound in your dreams
I'll just sit quietly
I look at a blank page as I type out my head and I see the words form
and I don't feel upset or trapped or worried or scared
I just feel my heart pumping blood
I have lost the excitement I once had
The brain doesn't strain any more - I don't feel used or worthy
And by used, I mean purpose and by worthy I mean needed.
I am sat here waiting for lightening to strike, for my light bulb moment to lead me down the next path
until then, however... I will sit uncomfortably, in a life I feel I've grown out of... Praying for something to dawn on me
I do realise we all do as we wish and strive for what we want
I work hard
I just lost the point....
I wont say I am sad
I'll just say that there's something that I miss
I wont say its your fault,
I wont say its mine
I'll just say its one of those things that happen
I wont try and stop you or make you change
I wont force you to see it or to listen
I wont go on and on till the names I spit resound in your dreams
I'll just sit quietly
I look at a blank page as I type out my head and I see the words form
and I don't feel upset or trapped or worried or scared
I just feel my heart pumping blood
I have lost the excitement I once had
The brain doesn't strain any more - I don't feel used or worthy
And by used, I mean purpose and by worthy I mean needed.
I am sat here waiting for lightening to strike, for my light bulb moment to lead me down the next path
until then, however... I will sit uncomfortably, in a life I feel I've grown out of... Praying for something to dawn on me
I do realise we all do as we wish and strive for what we want
I work hard
I just lost the point....
Saturday 11 May 2013
Ripped to shreds
I can't fix the problems in everyone's lives
although I once told myself I would
I promised myself I would make everyone smile however hard it was
but I am starting to realise I cant always succeed in this
I don't remember much of myself as a young girl growing up
I do know I spent a lot of time alone and in my minds maze
I remember looking at people who looked sad and wanting to change it
I remember hearing people row and hating it
I remember just seeing the pain in peoples eyes and wanting to take it off their shoulders
I realise as I grow older, I am feeling heavier and I am looking tired
and I am struggling to hold up all that I have collected over the years
and when I look over my shoulder for that someone for me I realise I have pushed them all away
that I put too many people before me and now I leave myself with little
I don't wish to regret one moment of my life but I do wish to explain the thoughts in my minds maze
I am tired of picking it all up, of caring all too much for those who just take take take
I don't want you all crying around me and pulling me down because I don't think this is fair
I don't want you blaming me for your mistakes or woes
and I don't want you putting your guilt into my soul
I have been through too many dark spells to have to keep revisiting them all with you
and I know that eventually you will find your clue
I love you but I now realise you don't need me
and what hurts is the failure I feel I have left to contend with
such a young girl, with so many hopes of helping and sorting and caring for those I felt I could fix up for the new day ahead
it appears they just took it all for granted
I see it and god knows it hurts deeper than you'll ever know
and I am not the kinda person to walk away without trying time after time I forget who I am
but I need to
I need to just leave it
I need to accept that people will blame me and hate me and want me just stop
and I know I will struggle to do so
I say sorry when I feel in the wrong and I speak before thinking
but let me assure you all that my intentions were honest and I have never meant to hurt anyone
just a girl who felt it was her duty to help everyone she met
who saw behind the fake smiles and laughter
who took the time to hear you and listen and advise you
to be left with nothing for herself
not being selfish, just trying to salvage what I have left in this world...
Bo Bruce, " I had to let you go... but I just miss you..."
although I once told myself I would
I promised myself I would make everyone smile however hard it was
but I am starting to realise I cant always succeed in this
I don't remember much of myself as a young girl growing up
I do know I spent a lot of time alone and in my minds maze
I remember looking at people who looked sad and wanting to change it
I remember hearing people row and hating it
I remember just seeing the pain in peoples eyes and wanting to take it off their shoulders
I realise as I grow older, I am feeling heavier and I am looking tired
and I am struggling to hold up all that I have collected over the years
and when I look over my shoulder for that someone for me I realise I have pushed them all away
that I put too many people before me and now I leave myself with little
I don't wish to regret one moment of my life but I do wish to explain the thoughts in my minds maze
I am tired of picking it all up, of caring all too much for those who just take take take
I don't want you all crying around me and pulling me down because I don't think this is fair
I don't want you blaming me for your mistakes or woes
and I don't want you putting your guilt into my soul
I have been through too many dark spells to have to keep revisiting them all with you
and I know that eventually you will find your clue
I love you but I now realise you don't need me
and what hurts is the failure I feel I have left to contend with
such a young girl, with so many hopes of helping and sorting and caring for those I felt I could fix up for the new day ahead
it appears they just took it all for granted
I see it and god knows it hurts deeper than you'll ever know
and I am not the kinda person to walk away without trying time after time I forget who I am
but I need to
I need to just leave it
I need to accept that people will blame me and hate me and want me just stop
and I know I will struggle to do so
I say sorry when I feel in the wrong and I speak before thinking
but let me assure you all that my intentions were honest and I have never meant to hurt anyone
just a girl who felt it was her duty to help everyone she met
who saw behind the fake smiles and laughter
who took the time to hear you and listen and advise you
to be left with nothing for herself
not being selfish, just trying to salvage what I have left in this world...
Bo Bruce, " I had to let you go... but I just miss you..."
Enough!!
To some a smile or a hi-5 can be enough, to make them feel that worthy
But to me, I need more you see, - and sometimes too little destroys me
I could chat all day and sleep all night but still I'd feel you missing
I could work so hard and gym till dawn but I'd never feel any better
I could cry till my eyes sting or grab your arm or plead till I had nothing left
But eventually I'd have no breath or love left in me to try with
I want you more and more each day
- sometimes its overwhelming
You surely know and surely glow and take it all for granted
You grab all you can and run off again knowing full well I'll chase you
But enough is enough, I'm sick of my huff and I won't play this game any longer
I can't bid you farewell as my heart will surely break and even I can't find all of the pieces
So I'll just try my best to give this a rest and hope one day I find my true smile.
But to me, I need more you see, - and sometimes too little destroys me
I could chat all day and sleep all night but still I'd feel you missing
I could work so hard and gym till dawn but I'd never feel any better
I could cry till my eyes sting or grab your arm or plead till I had nothing left
But eventually I'd have no breath or love left in me to try with
I want you more and more each day
- sometimes its overwhelming
You surely know and surely glow and take it all for granted
You grab all you can and run off again knowing full well I'll chase you
But enough is enough, I'm sick of my huff and I won't play this game any longer
I can't bid you farewell as my heart will surely break and even I can't find all of the pieces
So I'll just try my best to give this a rest and hope one day I find my true smile.
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