Kim Face: Life scares me...

Kim Face: Life scares me...

Life scares me...

Hi




So I was just thinking, what do we do in our lives? I am currently not working, but I have a BA degree with Honours, but where did that get me? Other than in the red with the student loans company :P


But seriously though, what is next for us all?? Some people out there may have there dream job, it all going swimmingly as they always dreamed, the perfect life or thereabouts.... but the vast majority of us are just plodding along with our existence, maybe sitting exams for a degree their parents chose or a job there dad got them, or even unemployed alone in some council flat, looking out that window thinking to their selves... is this it?? 


I don't know all of your life stories right now but what I do know is, its one big scary ass world out there... and we all walk it alone at the end of the day.... there may be witnesses or people who hitch-hike with you but when its all said and done you are the one who lives your own life and makes your own decisions about the direction it will take.... 


I just lie here tonight and I think, what is tomorrow?? Apart from the obvious Thursday--- but what will it bring?? It is a pretty important day for me, but I shan't reveal why just yet.. not until I know how it goes/went...




Life is short, I do say this and all is meant for a reason right?? But I do sit and ponder the thoughts of really??? All this is meant to be?? Meant to be what exactly??? At least when I was at University I felt I had some kinda purpose now I'm not so sure...




Share your thoughts.. if you'd like... I'm interested in them... whatever they may be




TC


.x. 

It has been a few days....

Afternoon people!!!

I do adore this song, it is an old one... but wow strong lyrics :)




Today I have felt quite nostalgic, looking back at Uni pics and thinking wow, how quick did that pass.. I don't think you ever really think too much about time unless you are trying to get somewhere... 


I don't want to be dwelling on things but there are so many memories in my life, it can become overwhelming.. 




I am not sure why I decided to write this blog today, but here it is. 


You know what question I have heard a lot recently? 


"If you could go back knowing what you know now and give your young self a piece of advice, what would it be?"


I could think about this all day you know? Say look both ways when you cross the road, to save me from being hit by a car that one day before school, or don't smoke its addictive and expensive to save me from smoking from the age of 11 until I was 19... or I could say ENJOY IT... Life passes by so quickly, and if you're not careful you might miss something.. I mean to go back and advise your young self on something takes away the surprise of life and how it is so random in its ways, it would change how my life was and to be honest although back in the day I may have sat there with tears falling over the things I'd regret, it is all part of me and my time here... so although it would be great to warn my young self about the dangers I would face when I grew up, I would say nothing... let it be how it has and enjoy it. :) 




I have so many moments in my life that I worry about forgetting, faces I can't visualise properly any more - it saddens me, especially those who have left us here.... 


I have kept a diary on and off for many years, I can see myself in tears scribbling down my thoughts or drunk scrawling over pages my feelings and worries- I have read through it all recently and I am just blown away by the language I used, the pain that can be felt through the words I have thrown together, it is quite moving to know of the lows I felt I had reached in times of my life... Still here though... Still have it all ahead of me and this is why I write today


Time just ticks by, blink and you have lost a moment and I just think that I have taken it for granted at times and wish to change this. I have a lot of amazing things in my life right now, I am so grateful!!!

To end my lil blog today - bit of David Guetta amazing song, amazing lyrics!! :D 


Enjoy it all, live for the moments and note it down! 


Life is too quick!!!


R.I.P to all those I have lost .... 

Sometimes it flows like a waterfall and other times its as still as night...

They do say there "is light at the end of the tunnel" and to keep going until you reach it.... I think this saying really means, that that light is only reached on our last day here... not to be so morbid on a Wednesday but its what I think... You go through life always trying harder, reaching higher, pushing yourself to your own limits to grab at your goal, at your destiny, at your future... and then we move on outta here, almost like a level in a game, we are just a character playing a role and when we complete it, you change character... nice little way of looking at things I think... We should try our best.. we only have one level each... To let this pass and never play? That would be foolish wouldn't it...


However, I have really been pushed to my limit these past few months when it comes to my career-side of life and I don't wish to name those responsible on here as I do believe in karma... So hopefully he does his job there!


I just get annoyed with some people especially after you spend time helping them out with their company in return to only be treated like shiz... I write this not only for myself but for those close to me having the same old crap right now too.


Some people will learn one day... We have to believe that don't we? If they don't what else have we got?


I just want to wake up one day and feel like I'm treated how I deserve to be,
That no-one is putting a negative spin on my little life,
That when I grow older I can look back and smile at the path behind me,
Tell my growing family that this is how it was when I was younger,
For them to learn that nothing in life is free,
That the good comes to those that deserve it, 
... But then I remember that in some cases that isn't always true and that some people can be dealt a shiz hand now and then...




I don't wish to get too low on my little blog to those people out there taking the time to read it,
I just like to note the thoughts in my head exactly as the words form,
I like to think that when I am older I can look back and remember this, 
That I will not regret and will have lived a life full of experiences that I can cherish
That those I care about are treated fairly,


Its all we hope for, life is about hope, determination, experiences and just carrying on with it, keep going on... whatever hurdles you jump, or fall upon just brush yourself off stand up tall, head high and carry on...




"KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON" its all you can do sometimes... 


There is a light at the end of the tunnel for us all, so enjoy finding it....




TC .x.

One of my fave songs right now...

                                                   I just love this WHOLE song!!! 
                        This song just mellows me right out whatever mood I am in!! :) 

What is love?

This is something I ask myself a lot, as there are so many different kinds... the one that I wish to discuss to you this evening is the "falling in love" one!


I feel at 24, I may have done this 3 or 4 times in total, and it has always been so different in its intensity. I am currently in love and I must say it is the type of feeling that makes you feel invincible! Like literally NOTHING can harm you, apart from this individual of course... as that is the catch in my opinion and my experience... you fall all hard and love every moment but once you are there, if you are me you start to worry about how it could all collapse on your face!!


I mean seriously I swear I waste a lot of the feeling of the positive hidden in the deep worry and paranoia... 


Better to of loved and lost than never loved at all??? Really??? Had this person had heartbreak, as unfortunately that is the reason behind my total panic.. knowing how much it hurts when it goes... ouchie!!! Talk about scars....


But is it worth it???? I used to sit alone going over and over past relationships telling myself never again.. it was to painful, I'll just get my career, and my audi tt and my house of cats and that would be me satisfied... but as the reality of this existence started to set in I thought, really?? Could I live a life without this feeling of complete, of waking up in the morning with a smile on your face because you know there is somebody out there that you love, and that they love you back, that warm comforting feeling inside below your ribs of belonging and want. The answer is no, I need to have the love in my life, and yes the loss after a break up is a feeling unlike any other I have ever experienced, where you feel so low and awful and like nothing can change the mood....


My advice?? Let it go, I believe that things never go if you don't accept them for being there... Living through some problems in life, awful moments, complete trauma, all of these times need to be embraced and accepted. Take them with you, as a fading scar on your body, and when you have a bad day, think about how you stood back up after the fall! 


Love to me is the most amazing experience we get as human beings, I cant say child birth just yet... not had the pleasure... and yes OK, it can hurt when it goes, but "shoulda woulda coulda" ---- JUST ENJOY IT WHILST ITS THERE!!! 


I think people (myself included) waste too much time thinking about the what ifs in life and in doing so miss out on that life that is ticking by... no time can be re-lived... so when you find it, live it and enjoy it!!!




Life is about the journey, so enjoy the ride! :)


TC .x.

Some home truths...

I have decided to be a bit honest with this now, and I am aware this is another blog for today, but bear with me


I have this real problem, its not something I discuss that much even though its something on my brain a hell of a lot on a day to day basis. 


My past is in many different shapes and sizes and I feel there are blurry areas which may or may not have damaged me over the years.. 


Now I didn't want to use this to get too personal on but it is also not something I have ever really shared in my personal diaries. 


I have experienced things in my past which I don't wish to delve into too much but I do feel that even today several years after, the scars are still healing..


This process of the heart and mind and these two battling it out over situations in life is definitely something I agree with, and struggle with frequently.


I have already been open to discuss my current situation, the fact that I am female and that I have a girlfriend and I am now aware you whoever you are, will be now creating this image of me in your brains... 
you will be creating this idea of who i am and what i must be like because of the way i show love to somebody else.


i dont want this to be about my sexuality, or about peoples idea of the identity somebody should possess in order to be granted this title but it is about the swings and roundabouts I have tackled in my 24 years of living.




I don't wish to categorise myself as it is not something I am comfortable with anymore. I wish to say that i am just in love with the individual and that is as much as I wish to state. The reason i used a "title" was to help others understand my current preference without confusing them too much on the details of how i actually feel inside.. 


I have had times in my life that have pushed me off the opposite and if I was to be brutally honest I could say these are the reasons behind my lack of trust in men... 


I just wanted to bring up the thoughts that have clogged my brain as late, the feelings I may have switched off for me to hear the quieter voices at the back of my heart


mind vs heart- I believe these two work together, and these two work apart and it will continue like this... 


There isn't ever a clear 100% answer to what we are as individuals, but for now I am happy with where I am. 


That is all... 


TC .x.

OK people... random things that do my nut in!

I shall add to this when I think of others!!!


1) Why is it when someone walks into you, stubs ur toe, knocks you whilst shopping or anything else like this, do WE say sorry and they reply with, its ok??? 

Ball of Stress!!!

Hey!! 
Not long since my last blog I know, but there was just a big stress I thought I would offload to you before I continue with the rest of the day and sort me out some lunch as I'm hungry!!


Here's the dealio.... I was working for this company right, for like 4 months, in and out the city mon to thurs, hours all over the place, delays on trains, just general stress. They were promising me the stars all for a very lousy wage and it was just all a little bit shiz. So in the end me and another colleague decided to kick up a fuss, and force em to sit with us in a meeting to sort it out.. Meeting came, we had individual slots and i decide to leave the company. So my first major stress today is, will they pay me for what they owe me? I will find this out 2mrw. Secondly, now after they have increased my wage ever so slightly, and the hours do I return to a place that not only bored me but also happens to be placed in the rough side of town? Thirdly, this week after the ole' sessions at the Job centre I have had two people get back to me, asking to interview me this week... for jobs that are not only local but pay the amount you'd expect for the role. However the start date is July!! I mean wow, my head is just full up I had so much ambition when I moved back home and it now seems that my professional side of life is cracking at the seams!!!


I do hate going on about the negatives but I just needed to air it to this mini little blog of mine so that one day in the future I can look back and see how far I've come.


Lastly, having spent 4 days with my girlfriend and having just got back home to a room full of cats and my case to unpack and sort, I am feeling a little sorry for myself. I miss her and it sucks ass!! 
Had an amazing time though, and honestly can't remember the last time I felt so at ease with somebody. I do love her! 


I am off now as its  14:51 and I'm getting dead peckish!!! 


TC .x. 

few sunday thoughts

Well this blog was the idea of my brother in law to be... he reckons because I talk ALOT I could fill up one of these with my random ideas and thoughts when I can.


I will be honest, I have re written this entry like 3 times and have decided to just go with the flow.
I am a 24 year old female from the UK, specifics aren't necessary. I am one of three children, the middle child however golden child is pretty appropiate also.

I am in a relationship with a girl and it is pretty superb actually! :)

I live with my parents at the moment and I do hope this is a short term arrangement, having left the nest almost 4 years ago to study at University to now return, feels very strange but also I do enjoy every moment! :)

I am currently in the middle of jobs, so yeah in other words unemployed - but this is to be short lived as I am definitely sure my next blog will be about my amazing new job.

I am not too sure how long these things should be and I dont wish to bore on my first attempt, so I shall leave it there, its almost half 11 and scoot on off back to watching my gf revise some Law!

TC .x.