And then you were gone...

And then you were gone
Not a farewell
Not a see you soon
Not even an explanation
All that time searching and it was over in a blink.
I couldn't catch my breath
At first I thought you're busy, somethings come up
But the days turned to weeks turned to months and now it's a year.
Who knew
who knew something like this could leave me feeling blue
And confused and some nights, even blaming myself
You knew
You know me, surely
You know what I'm like
You know what makes me tick
You stood by and let this happen

See I don't even know why I'm surprised
I mean you always did let me down eventually
One day I'd be flying on euphoria and the next day I'd be cleaning up the mess my heart had made slamming against the floor
It was always like that
Like a drug up and down, down and up
Waiting for my next hit
Knowing you'd turn up
Like an addict on his last breath
Crying out for another hit another score
Boom
Bash
There you are
The creature of my nightmares
the person of my dreams
The one who kept me going when I thought I'd lost my way
Traipsing through the night with no care in the world
Knowing you'd be somewhere
You were always somewhere
But now you are nowhere
And I'm left again sat on the sidelines of our messed up history trying to piece the little clues you left behind
Trying to make a sense out of it
I always tried to
Tried to heal my broken heart
Tried to move on...

Now it feels over
It feels cold
It feels sudden and painful and it hurts
You hurt me again
Who knew you could
I did
You did
They all did

Congratulations
I hope one day it hits you
You see my face in your thoughts and you wonder where I am in this life
And I hope it is too late
I hope you are left not knowing too

Why should I be the only victim...

The X Game

Shouldn't feel jealous
Shouldn't compare it
No that would be stupid of me to

Shouldn't be concerned with
Or ask questions about
Or even let images stick in my mind

To allow this will allow more
And swimming is what I'll do
And then drowning will become the next moment
And then dead

I cannot compare it
They aren't the same
The time frame is different
The relationship is different
I'm not the same
Neither are they

So what if language changed
So what if they've travelled more
So what
This isn't a competition
This isn't a race
You don't win anything if you sit and disgrace
You just embarrass yourself and leave yourself weak

Don't be full of hate my dear
Just accept the been and gone
Just allow the life to run as it may
Don't go back into space you never were
Just be in the here and now