Saturday 8 August 2020

2020

Life is scary
Not an existence any of us are used to 
Noone can tell us the end
Noone has a clue
Normally in life we see tragedy but we are on the other side, from the outside looking in
But this time we are in the same boat 
The boat keeps leaking, the water keeps coming in, people are jumping overboard, taking lives by the second, blinking and we lose another 1000
Careless waste
Not a person in this world can help us because it is a strange horrorful collab
We are all in it at the same time 
We can't swim away from it
It is silent and no radar picks it up
Please help us
Please stop the loss
Please tell me that life can resume
That life will be better
That life can conquer this evil
Find a vaccine 
Find a fcuking cure to this sick epidemic 
This epidemic which is taking the innocent 
It is not just taking lives but it is changing lives
Giving birth alone
Leaving pets in vets without owners
No visitors 
No support network
We are finally going through experiences alone 
Like birth 
We are alone 
Professionals all masked up 
Can't see their facial expressions 
The deaf don't have a way of understanding 
The elderly are alone 
It's taking us 
Taking our freedom
The laughter
The family 
The community is strained 
Lives have been changed forever

Our mindset is evolving 
Health is important 
We need health 
We need people 
We need freedom 
Masks cover faces 
Hide faces
Hide the fear 
Fear is in houses 
Windows are locked 
Doors are closed 
Some people have no bubble 
Some people don't understand 
Children are silenced in parks 
But 
The planet got healthier 
Animals flourished 
Noise pollution reduced
It changed outlooks 
But we can never have it all can we

Hold those close that you can
Share your thoughts 
Discuss your dreams 
Live your life as best as you can
With all restrictions in place 
Breathe in the fresh air 
Watch plants grow
Flourish in this new life
This new existence 
What 2020 taught us 

time to trust me

What if when I close the door for the final time
The lock changes and the door drops
What if it never opens again 
What if I have shut it all by accident 
And I can't go back
What if I want to go back
What if I am starting to miss the qualities 
What if I am missing me
The me who just perked up the room


I remember the first month passing 
The thoughts were not in my head space 
The space had been cleaned out and nothing was blocking production
It was a brilliant feeling 
Such bliss not being disturbed by over thinking 
Such bliss being able to just do things without any concern for outcomes
Not haphazard but just "normal"

But over time this blankness became a numbness which in turn became silence
Even I hadn't noticed properly then but the silence became deafening now and I realised I needed to change it
Do something 
I felt a part of myself was just lost 
Stuck behind this door which would not open anymore
I struggled to pull it open
When at times it wouldn't close
Got stuck
One extreme to the other
Tiring to just sit there 
Almost begging for thoughts 
Not a real answer to questions 
Like the heart is not involved 
Forcing emotions at times
Missing the traffic
Not enjoying the empty roads anymore 

So 
I decided I would make the necessary changes 
Tough decision 
But necessary 
It's been 2 days
Cut it down
Will continue to do so

Watch this space