Is It Okay Cuz You Admit It?

So here we go along the road of the life that has been drawn
and I start to see the tales ya see that you divulge to me
and I listen with intent and nod at the right time and chuckle and smile and get it
but then you see, it shows itself to me -
how you're admitting to me you're a liar

so I want to believe ya, as to be fair your so eager
but the tales you tell are so lame
and there's always a tragedy or drama or loss
and to be quite honest - I don't believe ya

and to stop myself from just laughing out loud or asking you to jog on
I just let it just drag out and get out of hand and end up spilling on here


I know that you're trying to convince me of this and that, and of course the other
but seriously mate, its getting late
and I'd rather watch a soap or a drama

if you wanna be honest
try with yourself  and go and find yourself a mirror
look at it and chat to it and see if you can spot the sinner


I am worth much more and this I will get but for now I will continue this stagger
down the wrong turn I did choose
the drama enclosed
and no refund on this darn life voucher...

Would I Do It To You

So I sit there and I think to myself about all of the things that have been
and I try not to stream from my eyes when I realise that shit just isn't the same
and I try not to plea or to see it but to hide it -
-or  to ignore it and just try with all my might to shut it away..

I don't wish to sit here and spill it, for you to just ignore it and not see it and just worm your way out of it
- and help me break my heart
I just look up and I try to keep my eyes fixed on the sun or the stars
and I just ignore the surroundings and just see the stars the brightness the innocence the things that I miss

see, the thing is I miss it and us and the days and the nights and the busy and the bustle and the living
and the helping and the being treated like a real friend and a best friend and a necessity
to feel like an old toy, unused toy, not needed toy, chuck in the bin toy
replaced by the fragmented

to try with all my strength to fight it, or accept it or just leave it or not see it
but its burning, its hurting, its making the tears want to fall

trying desperately to fight for it, and treasure it and wish it all back again
to not accept that its going or fading or missing or gone...

I Can't See The Love Anymore

I look at you and the eye contact is disrupted
you don't want to look at me any more
you don't have that spark any more
you don't have a thing

I go to touch your hand and your out of my reach
you are so far away its like we aren't walking together
you are not listening to me
I am crying and you don't hear it

I wish to go backwards - but the door is no longer existent
I am told to move along
to look straight ahead
to look back will cut me but I cant resist 

I try to get us back but there's nothing left to hold on to
you say nothing is wrong
even though you have just pulled the carpet from under my feet
you have ruined all I thought I had

I step back
I shake myself hard as if to reset it all
I tell myself to want more is too painful
to just say my peace and walk away
like it happened but didn't work out

accept that this happens in life
not everything can be saved
the heart stops eventually
no one's fault - no blame

Just life being life
death being death
building a bridge and just running over it 

Bleak and Blank

I stretch out my arms and I dream of wrapping them around you
I catch myself as I think of falling in love so deep
Swallow hard, as I realise its all just a thought
and none of this is truly in my reach
none of this is really there


I don't want to blame anybody
Or look back with stained faces
Make up awash, shivering from the realisation of lonely
One would say, no longer in sight? No longer in mind... I would agree
It seems to be one of the many treasures of this world... To enable us to move past hurdles... If we fear we can not climb them.


Sometimes to be too honest.. Can leave that bitter taste
To sacrifice can feel too tough
To walk away can feel like the last choice, but the only option
To accept all this is for reasons & not all will leave you smiling


Bleak and blank
Standing tall
Accepting it all and walking head held high

Free-fall

I just sit there with the words of songs smashing my heart 
taking away the walls of steel i rebuilt years ago
trains pass me by lights on - i feel a stillness as I watch them go out of sight
free-falling as I catch my breath
landing, smashing skin on the ground
seeing the pain, leak onto the floor
as it feels like a release
like a calm
like a moment of peace


Seeing that it has finally snapped and I am here with what is left
I am searching for all the pieces that are missing
the puzzle seems so much smaller
but I hear that this is all I need
why carry the baggage if its over
if it has no relevance whatsoever

Free-fall and space and nothing else to stop the feeling of pure excitement
the not knowing the end or the next page
like a book, I am so eager to finish
but realising that it can end at any time
and I spend too much time on pages
reading them over and over
not remembering that, that is the time that has been spent
and what I have now is running out
and theres just too much thinking and too much worrying and too much crying and too much comparing
and then its a new day, new week, a year has gone by
and I am still in the same position 
just sitting there - watching trains pass me by
the day darken into night
the life slip away
the memories just on replay
the tears on repeat
the life passing by 
beat
beat
beat
the book is almost over 
or the book has just begun....


its your choice...