Forget

Don't I say as I am rushing around
Seriously just don't
I don't think I could handle it again
Not by myself
Not here
Not like this

Quickkk I think to myself
Time won't wait
Time never does
It always suits itself- but that's life
I really wish this could be different
You know
Different circumstances
Different reasons
But it's now it's here and it's us

Just all ignoring each other
All passing by without even a look in one's eyes
Just an ignorant flare of bitch
Just people up themselves
People forgetting what they had
This isn't school
We won't be better tomorrow or in a week
This is adulthood
Real hood
Real life
The now
And as you carry on... I slip away

The Bed

The news hit me hard, I am not going to lie to you
I couldn't get my head around it, I threw things at walls, ripped up pictures, letters, memories..
I paced my room for hours before I found the strength to accept their offer and go and visit you

I can remember the weather, I don't know why I feel this as important but its funny what your mind remembers at times like these
it was sunny, and warm and people were happy and smiley as I passed them in the car
I wasn't talking that day, I listened to Radio 1 in silence as everyone tried to make small talk with me

I won't ever know why I found this so hard, I mean come on we were a lifetime ago but it's funny how your heart reacts at times like these
The walk to your room was the longest and hardest walk I can recall in my life
and I knew that when I saw you in the bed I would crumble
But I kept going on, kept putting one foot in front of the other and wishing so hard someone would take hold of my hand and take this guilt from me
You understand me don't you, when I say guilt
we weren't in each other's lives but I felt and still feel guilt
it doesn't just go away
you don't just go away.

I asked for a moment on my own, can you believe it, bitch got balls ay
The corridor you were on was silent
maybe out of respect I thought but its rare for a hospital I found
the silence was too noisy at that moment.

I sobbed as the door became ajar as I walked in
The bed I can recall the most
it was a white metal framed bed
your room was so medical with its blinding white walls and white side table and white side lamp
there was a television in the corner to my left, it was mounted to the wall, it was off
the curtains were open and cards and flowers filled your windowsill
there was a white dressing gown and a white chair by your bed.
I walked over with energy I can only imagine was coming from the overwhelming feeling in this room
feeling of hurt, and love and guilt... it was choking me
I looked at you, your eyes closed, strapped up to machines, the bed still
the bed was freshly made with you underneath its covers like it never moved... not even a crease
Now, I thought to myself... Now what?

Together

Together we are strong
better
together forever
we balance each other
we make each other
smiles
laughter
love
future
together we are better
better together
forever
we answer each other
we complete each other
we understand each other
he gets me and I get him
home when I am with him
just easy
being myself
Together we are strong
no longer lost
found him
found me
found us

Not as Much as We Would Like

Tell me, when you looked at it what did you see?
I sit down next to you and I take your hand
We just absorb the silence
The area is just trees and grass and the height of our world is in all its glory

I exhale slowly and I watch the grass blow on my feet
I try ever so not to disturb you
I can see you lost in thoughts

I wasn't ever here to stop the pain
I was here to ease it though
I am trying ever so not to disturb you
I can see you are thinking hard

Tell me, what do you see when you look down the bank of these hills?
When the birds utter noises in our direction
as the wind is trying ever so not to disturb you
we all know you are lost in your heart

Time has passed slowly for us all today
but we wouldn't want it any other way
for we came to visit the memories and we came to remember you
The clouds stayed white and bright above
No rain today...

He must of known
You are so quiet though Mum
the tears have fallen down your cheeks
You are fixated on the ground
I hold your hand tighter
I tell you I am here
I am trying ever so to be here for you
and forever I shall be

Insincerely Yours

I wont lie to you
these days my life has got tough
the level has increased and most days I struggle to finish my lap

but I take a moment
I think of all I have
I think of all the amazing moments I share with those I love

But it's these people that hurt me
I watch them walk with their loved "one"
there soul mates
as they get in their car
drop me here drop me there
and I am the singular
the one with the table for one
single return
double bed with one body

I know I have so much
but this gets me every time
like the round in a quiz i could never win
counting in evens
evens stevens
odds dont work
odds make the crowd
I'm the crowd
I'm the one alone
I am the one that strides on by on her way to her place to watch TV alone


I wont lie to you
these days my life has got tough
the level has increased and most days I struggle to finish my lap
but unlike most, I continue, I finish, by myself
Me, Myself and I are one hell of a force to be reckoned with.

The Curtain

'I saw it again tonight', I said to myself as I got home
this is not a figment of my imagination
I wondered, as I settled down for the night, if I would see it again tomorrow


*                               *                               *

It was a colder morning than we had got used to
it seemed like the sun would never leave us, after the summer we had just had
I was up and ready to leave for work
I walked down the familiar grounds of my neighbourhood fiddling with my headphone cord
muttering to myself about the meeting that I was chairing in a few short hours

Waiting at the lights I was approaching that house again
I was early so I slowed down my pace
It was coming up on my right
I stopped outside to tie my lace that was already sufficiently fastened
Nothing..
I put my bag down and started checking through my packed lunch, knowing full well it was all there
It moved
The curtain was moving
I didn't see anything the other side but with these net curtains what can you really see anyway
I heard a movement, they were walking towards me, towards the front door
I jolted, I grabbed my bag and ran... too scared to look back
too scared to even wonder

I was on the bus, I was listening to my chilled out album
when I was feeling anything but