you could have been the cause of this
maybe you are the reason I am like this
they say everything comes from something
maybe in this case, you are the something that caused the problems
I don't want to say I am completely blameless
but I have never intentionally lied
I have been the way I knew how until that way hurt too much
and now I am this way, and cant help but think that is your fault
I know that life is not meant to be easy
life can be the one thing we obsess over and the one thing we wish we could improve
just the catapult of frustration slamming hard into walls 24/7
with no loop hole
no cheat to the next level
just this continuous spin on a gravity pulled sphere
existing in some black cloud of space
praying for the peace inside for so long
i have forgotten how to talk
like the first love always was, life is confusing
you are not sure whether you are coming or going
and I think that when you solve that conundrum........ bang,your time here is over
no time to fix the before or the present you are just an after
and in after, I mean life
a grief, a thought in someone's day as they also stroll about their day trying to solve this life
and in turn this is just a repetitive notion one in which, no one ever wins, no one ever solves
we just continue spiralling into the peaks and troughs of our existences
not knowing whether we are coming or going
arriving or leaving
loving or hating
just surviving
waking up angry, waking up sad and waking up all moods in the middle
fighting with our minds and our hearts and our feelings and our fears
missing all those things we had but fucked up
all those rows we paint over as we replay our pasts
everything was apparently so rosy, so utterly perfect we sit in denial wondering why the room is so empty
why isn't it filled with joy and laughter and love and families
nope just the pitter patter of our fantasies onto act 700 still creating the impossible
maybe it was you
maybe I feel this way because you treated me that way
you taught me to be this way
to loathe and fear and worry and lose control of our dreams
to wake up completely drained from the overplayed times of our lives
one day there will be nothing to play
it will be so blurred out we will have forgotten the reasoning and the people and the point
one day we will have ran out of time
the day will have dawned and the night will have left us with nothing more than an empty feeling
all this over analysing and typing and obsessing when life continued on outside
the day drew to a close, the clock lost us another hour
we spent even more time rushing around without a clue
and more time watching screens
and more time sitting in and thinking
maybe it was you, I think you made me this way
and now I am trying to undo the damage
thank you
