Finding The Calm

It wasn't how you said it would be 
to be free and to be near the sea
to be looking out at the crashing waves
to feel the fear and worries fall away


I smelt the sea air and it took me to a place
a place in my head that I could never forget
it was a protected sanctum and it covered me well
and it reminded me I was young and that my life would be swell


I can remember the sea and the people surfing 
and the beach sands so warm to the touch and clean and almost white
I can hear the laughter and I see people smiling and so happy
I put down my towel and book and sunnies


I lie down and I soak up the sun
the rays falling hard, colouring us in with its tanning power


Ice cream and beers, and chips and cigarettes
campfires, cocktails, hangovers, sun tanning
great weather, family times, new friends, late nights,
sun setting, clear skies, chilled out mind, bike rides
eating out, barbecues, oysters, champagne, 
ferry crossings, cramped cars, family fights, great nights,
be the person that you are
be reckless whilst young
wake with heavy heads but wild memories
make life fun as before you know it, you are an adult... 




**** this was written on the weekend just gone... ****

We all like to think

but sometimes it just isn't possible to do it properly
we all like to believe there is more luck coming our way
we all like to hold out for the impossible and the dreamt nights that swoon our minds 
we all like to figure out the wrongs and change them
we all like to feel a regret is justified 
and that if we had our time again we "woulda shoulda coulda" 




We don't hold out grudges for too long because we are starting to learn from our pasts
we don't reckon the heart will hurt as much the next time
we don't think people would lie to us as they have done oh so many times
we remember the whys behind our tattoos as we dust off the shit we are in
we pray to those who left us hoping they have the key to our destiny's


we all like to think that we are all different 
but in the harsh and blunt reality we are all the same in so many ways
and eventually we will accept this and lives will flow a lot more easily
always somebody worse off and always somebody living the high life
always someone you pass by and always someone you are trying to chase


and calm as you catch your breath and watch as the words form with letters as you tap so hard letting this all out
sitting in somebody else's front room as you pour it all out before you forget the point and the direction
and calm as you realise that you are not alone and that the voice you were praying for can be heard
and you fight back the tears as you realise that he is OK and that he is proud 
and that these dreams have all been about the crossroads you have been standing at waiting
waiting for the answers to which way and with what purpose 
and the overwhelming need for this person, your granddad to listen and to hear these words from the clouds as he watches us all


and relief that he is here and that its all OK
finally.... I can breathe 




with the inspiration from my lost life in dreams and the book my aunt gave me by Paul Arden... 

Curiosity killed the heart

I was meaning to write this earlier
but things have a habit of getting in the way
anyway I am here now 
and I shall now type away


So much has changed since before I was typing
so much more has become my focus
I now feel I have a reason to be
and that is something quite new


I wont say just yet what I have in mind as I don't wish to jinx it at all
I will say however that its not the same light or sight or heart anymore that I carry


I decided I would rid all the old and finally let go
and I did this using technology
ridding my number and most of the names and now I feel less cluttered up


For now it is a new sheet of paper 
a blank canvas
i have every color I have ever wanted and they are for my disposal
I am reading a new book getting lost in their lives,
travelling through the words as they intended
not letting people or places or the weather try to drain it


it being the happiness that i feel surrounding my existence
the reality that is here and all around me
the family that i love and wish to shout it off rooftops
the people in my life with their kindness and love
the person i am becoming through the nights and days
the language that is changing as i type away
the rhythm in my writing sounds ever-so skip-pity
ever-so jumpity and happy and go lucky
the sadness is over and that was a chapter I bared well
I tried not to ignore it, i embraced it in case you couldn't tell
I got oh so deep i forgot my way out
although this was the lesson to learn and look at me now


I am still only 5'7'' although i feel much taller
my hair is longer and my eyes seem so much deeper
my soul is alight but with love and want
and I'm grabbing it all with both hands now and not letting anything out my sight


I will have to go now however as i am in the middle of something else
as i said the time is flying and the list is getting longer
new phone, new hair color new attitude new page


new new new


see I knew deep down i had the strength in me
it was just about the finding and the moving through
this amazing journey we call living.