Love this song...

Finding the words to say how I'm feeling...

How I truly feel though, 

Not just the words that I create and form sentences with to the person I am sat with,

But the thoughts that fill my mind in the evening before I fall asleep.

I know that I have been blessed with the life I have lived so far,

I know I have been hurt by people, 

I know that I have hurt people too.

I am not the victim and I am not the bully,

I am just trying to deal with the life I have in the best way that I can.

I fall in love with people and things change

I feel myself being driven higher by the high that I am on

The relationship then ends, and I crash down

I have lost people in my life that I miss at times,

I have fell out with people and it sucks

But I am a great believer in the world of karma, the world of fate, the law of attraction

I wish to remove the negative energy from within that appeared after we fell out today

I wish to remove the sad feelings of missing somebody

I love Christmas 

This time of year makes me happy

As a child I loved it 

The excitement still fills my heart

I have finished purchasing all the gifts and this week I will wrap them

Very random bunch of blogging today

But now I feel lighter knowing its all out on this page

Happy Sunday People! :)

that realisation...

... hits everybody at some point in their lives
that moment that remains and sticks on your mind
that tiny fraction of a second thought
that just spirals and leaves you in silence

contemplating the outcome,
thinking the what and the how and the why

the realisation that makes you grow up
the realisation that makes you finally see with clearer vision
that realisation that penetrates deep into your psychosis
that buries itself deeper than the sea
deeper than the centre of the earth


this is the what, this is the how and this is the why
this is how it will now be
this is what it was getting ready for
this is the next step
the present
the future
frickin learn now
life gets a little clever in its boredom

life throws you a jigsaw with a piece missing
you wait so long to fix it
then bam
piece is handed over
oh THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT you say

that realisation, that you have to learn and play the rules
learn and play by the rules or walk away....


biding time, biding time


offload over

goodnight x

That's just how it is sometimes...

That’s just how it is sometimes..

Sometimes you sit and think of better

Better times that have been and gone

Those times that passed so quickly but now fill the brain as the ones you miss most

Shivery touch, is what you crave,

The good shivers that make you feel so alive

The ones that bring the tears to your eyes on the cold winter nights

The night has come just as quick as it always did

But it feels darker than before

It feels colder and more aggressive in its ways

I can’t help but think this trash I type

I can’t help it and sometimes I don’t want to

I think the best writing comes from the pain or the love

Well this is both – painful lost love

I don’t wish you bad times,

I don’t wish you happy

I just wish you life

Alive and breathing,

Alive and seeing it all

Smiling and laughing

And seeing it all

Every last second,

Moments, tripping up on the memories of it all

All the 24 years of life

Piled up against the wall

Piled so high,

I just can’t see passed it anymore

I walk to the door,

I take one last look behind me,

I thank it all,

I forgive it all,

Then I close the door... 

moment by moment

Seeing you one day
watching you see me
not remembering how to speak
forgetting how to breathe with those lungs I was so used to
not knowing whether to ignore or say something
thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking


making a decision
the decision to say something
but you have gone
the moment has gone
you have gone


I carry on walking... 

It should be made clear that...

These poems are just idle thoughts

They are not my living self just illusional responses to people in my lifes' struggles

I listen and chat to people I know on a daily

&& they are being dealt a bad hand

I am okay myself, these are just explanations of there thoughts

I hope they can resolve

Never meant to hide a thing

I never meant to hide a thing,
But you wouldnt give up the search


I never meant to hide a thing
But you wouldnt believe me when I said


I just wanted to make it all ok
I wanted to feel your warmth
I wanted you to give me a chance to prove you wrong
I wanted to be your girl and you my guy




I wanted to build my future with you
I wanted, I tried, I struggled, I lost

When I look forward to the future...

... I feel myself smiling and the warm breeze calms me 
I think about how amazing my life could be 
I see how it has been and how it shouldnt be


I think about how I may have already met the one, but that he is still about


I try not to believe too much in the fantasy
I understand my fears were illusions and I have overcome them bit by bit, every day


I know what it feels like to feel truly happy, and feel love all around
I feel like that now
I feel happy because I am single and able to be without worrying
without the creation of fears that its a bad thing to be




I look forward to lil stages, not major leaps and bounds 
Because I understand by doing so, I am not seeing what's in front of me 




Live for today and plan for tomorrow






No real point to this blog tonight - over than that I can see the illusions I have created


I have seen the mistakes I make
I have seen the patterns I used to take
and now I can change them






LIVERPOOL soon!!! xxx




Much love peepzz