Well...
I move out 2mrw... into my new place... Such different emotions right now... positive ones mainly!
I am 24, and I am ready but still it is all strange packing my room away for the first time ever, having lived in these walls since the age of 6.. maybe small amounts when decorating but not on this scale..
My room will become the study- I'm not upset by that, moving home had never been a long term plan.. the army was my purpose for returning but wow what an excellent 8 months I've had since my return... So many memories, memorable people, amazing times to be honest..
I have come so far in this past year I must tell you, I mean this time last year I was in a relationship with a lovely guy knowing it wasn't what I should have been doing, then I came out and fell in love, and also this job, that I actually adore and with people that make me laugh and giggle more than I have in years and yeah.. bish bash bosh!! Made up!!!
One major loss will be my cats... I have two sat on my bed as I type this to you... One is my own lil baby, Joey.. 7 years I have had the pleasure of knowing her, I get emotional thinking about it to be honest.. I have been through some things in these past 7 years and she did make it less tough with her company... she is a really loving cat.. everyone she meets agrees.
I will only be about 10mins car journey away but I don't know... having a pet like mine, who keeps you company when your feeling alone etc... yeah... I will miss her, Ben and Chloe a lot!
I don't feel too saddened by leaving my parents or brother because I know how close I am and how I could pop over whenever I wanted... So it hasn't hit me in a bad way this time.. Uni was much harder... The cats are getting older, thats all....
Not got much time to really spend in my new place though, moving the rest of my things tomorrow then work Mon till Fri, then Satdi off to my other fave place, Liverpool!! :)
Bring it on!!
Life is not a perfect, perfect does not exist... My year has been so amaze so far, not a thing to regret or think badly of!
I am very lucky to have had what I have, and do hope to continue in this amazing random time :D
TC -x-
Friday 19 August 2011
Saturday 13 August 2011
Walking back over the same old roads...
Seriously, love this dude- he is my cousin, check him out on Youtube- Kaiben!!
This song inspired these thoughts..
Footsteps below me
Smaller than I remember
Imprinted thoughts stay with me
Of those times long forgotten
Piles of memories fill the rooms
Boxed away in your minds cupboards
Blurry over time
Innocence like that first scrape on your knee
Nothing is touched any more
The house is just the shell
The shell with so many secrets
You almost will it to tell
This house is on this road
It will remain this way after we depart
&& it started here nearly 100 years ago
Families have come and gone
Made each room shake with the atmosphere they created
Every smile, every candle, every birthday cake
I am willing the house to tell the secrets of times gone by
Until that day
That day it is pulled down
Here it will remain
My home, our home
On this road, in this street, in this place....
Thank you for such a lovely time!
Get up and wait for somebody to find you
Wonder if she still reads this...
I wake up now and the day feels different,
Not necessarily worse- just different,
Nights sometimes feel so much longer,
Is that because I now fall asleep alone?
It's not like you were here that often but yeah, when you were I felt I slept soundly...
I don't intend to spend much more of my time going over the beaten earth,
I feel I've raked it up all too much these past few weeks,
I don't wish to disturb the memories which are lay in front of me any more
Instead I'd like to thank you,
Not for the ending but for the ride,
Not in that way.. but you know... the whole time we shared was pretty amaze,
Things do happen though, and change it all about..
But that's ok, I was brought up to be thankful and that is what I shall be..
I would love you in my future,
But I don't know at this moment if that could happen..
Like I say, I don't even know if you are reading this anymore....
But if you are... Don't just lose me in your past...
I'd hate the day we became faces in the crowd,
Of just faded memories....
"Get up and wait for somebody to find you...."
I wake up now and the day feels different,
Not necessarily worse- just different,
Nights sometimes feel so much longer,
Is that because I now fall asleep alone?
It's not like you were here that often but yeah, when you were I felt I slept soundly...
I don't intend to spend much more of my time going over the beaten earth,
I feel I've raked it up all too much these past few weeks,
I don't wish to disturb the memories which are lay in front of me any more
Instead I'd like to thank you,
Not for the ending but for the ride,
Not in that way.. but you know... the whole time we shared was pretty amaze,
Things do happen though, and change it all about..
But that's ok, I was brought up to be thankful and that is what I shall be..
I would love you in my future,
But I don't know at this moment if that could happen..
Like I say, I don't even know if you are reading this anymore....
But if you are... Don't just lose me in your past...
I'd hate the day we became faces in the crowd,
Of just faded memories....
"Get up and wait for somebody to find you...."
Friday 12 August 2011
I thought about you tonight...
Hey
I thought about you tonight,
I saw your face in somebody else,
It was so strange,
I felt like crying at that moment,
I could have said your name,
It has been 8years I think since you left us,
Not something I will ever forget,
I can still see how my mum reacted,
Collapsed on the kitchen floor,
In our family house,
I wish I had known what I could have asked you,
I was just too young to understand the life,
Now it is too late,
I sat on my backdoor step tonight,
I looked up at the black sky,
No stars stood out,
But I could feel you there,
I felt like you were talking to me,
I feel it now,
"Learn from all of this, the events will never happen again in this sequence, You MUST remember the lessons"
I wish I could hug you,
Like I used to long ago when I was a younger child,
My mum could do with you being here Grandad,
I miss you Taid....
GOD BLESS YOU.
I thought about you tonight,
I saw your face in somebody else,
It was so strange,
I felt like crying at that moment,
I could have said your name,
It has been 8years I think since you left us,
Not something I will ever forget,
I can still see how my mum reacted,
Collapsed on the kitchen floor,
In our family house,
I wish I had known what I could have asked you,
I was just too young to understand the life,
Now it is too late,
I sat on my backdoor step tonight,
I looked up at the black sky,
No stars stood out,
But I could feel you there,
I felt like you were talking to me,
I feel it now,
"Learn from all of this, the events will never happen again in this sequence, You MUST remember the lessons"
I wish I could hug you,
Like I used to long ago when I was a younger child,
My mum could do with you being here Grandad,
I miss you Taid....
GOD BLESS YOU.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Saturday 6 August 2011
All part of the big plan..
So they say,
it is all meant to be how it is, to every last second, that this and that and the other were all meant to happen in order for us to be where we are today.
I mean it could just end it all if we were given to option to take certain parts out, couldn't it? Have you ever seen the butterfly effect, with Ashton Kutcher??
If we were to change that one awful time in our life, the rest of our lives that played out after would all change to, you know? Like you gotta have it all or none, and to have none means to give up and to give up is not part of the big plan....
The big plan I believe is just to keep trying, to keep looking up at the sky and hoping and dreaming of that one thing you desire... today was such a weird day for me, I was doing things to form the future but also discussing things from the past, and it all kinda spilled out over the edges, and I had to let my tears out... I wasn't crying for me, I was crying for somebody else, somebody I care for so much which is mad as we haven't known each other all that long....
See we can't reject life experiences is what I said, like I have written on here before, every experience transforms us each time, like a layer we take with us, or in the way I state it, a scar... a scar that we wear to remind ourselves of the past, whether that past is positive or negative... these two need to be taken hand in hand... you can't expect life to be all peachy, just because its easier that way or you'd prefer it... we gotta have that shiz to notice the good.
I know that everyone has a story, everyone has that moment in their lives that they actually think, can I cope with this? Should I give in now as I can't deal any more... and in the majority of cases, we are able to find that strength... but I also think that this strength is in all of us, it is the strength we reach for in the winter mornings, when your alarm goes off for work and you'd do anything to stay in bed for just one more hour, its that strength that you use when opening that jar of Marmite as its gotten all hard and stuck but you really want it on toast... its the strength you grab when your friend has had bad news and you need to pick him or her up from the ground they have fallen too... but I also think that if somebody out there is lost in this search for strength and really feels alone, you need to spare some of your own, and reach out to this person.
I don't really think too deeply about all this big plan stuff on a daily but tonight I was sat watching TV and it hit me, how all that happens happens, and we all get on in the best way we know how... but that people out there have it worse, have it more recently or are dealing as I type this and we need to remember to be there for them also... bring them along the road with us... don't let them stray.
It was as if the walls had fallen around me for that moment,
I felt utterly bare and naked before your eyes as they starred back at me,
I felt like I couldn't hide my vulnerability,
Like even if I'd tried you would have seen through it,
I had not ever thought this would happen so soon after the last,
That I would be so capable of forming sentences from words,
That my mind would let me talk my thoughts and that somebody would unravel them,
I never let myself give up though...
We just continued with this role-play we had found worked for us both,
This life that we enjoyed and that led us through it all,
I believe although at first it was difficult,
The timing has actually been spot on.
I won't ever need to worry now when the day turns to night,
That I'll be lying in my bed and tears will stream,
As although we are only friends now,
It has built those walls back up around me,
I feel the strength to carry on planning and living,
I know we were meant to be what we are,
&& I do hope I can do the same for you.
Thanks for letting me vent this tonight...
TC -x-
it is all meant to be how it is, to every last second, that this and that and the other were all meant to happen in order for us to be where we are today.
I mean it could just end it all if we were given to option to take certain parts out, couldn't it? Have you ever seen the butterfly effect, with Ashton Kutcher??
If we were to change that one awful time in our life, the rest of our lives that played out after would all change to, you know? Like you gotta have it all or none, and to have none means to give up and to give up is not part of the big plan....
The big plan I believe is just to keep trying, to keep looking up at the sky and hoping and dreaming of that one thing you desire... today was such a weird day for me, I was doing things to form the future but also discussing things from the past, and it all kinda spilled out over the edges, and I had to let my tears out... I wasn't crying for me, I was crying for somebody else, somebody I care for so much which is mad as we haven't known each other all that long....
See we can't reject life experiences is what I said, like I have written on here before, every experience transforms us each time, like a layer we take with us, or in the way I state it, a scar... a scar that we wear to remind ourselves of the past, whether that past is positive or negative... these two need to be taken hand in hand... you can't expect life to be all peachy, just because its easier that way or you'd prefer it... we gotta have that shiz to notice the good.
I know that everyone has a story, everyone has that moment in their lives that they actually think, can I cope with this? Should I give in now as I can't deal any more... and in the majority of cases, we are able to find that strength... but I also think that this strength is in all of us, it is the strength we reach for in the winter mornings, when your alarm goes off for work and you'd do anything to stay in bed for just one more hour, its that strength that you use when opening that jar of Marmite as its gotten all hard and stuck but you really want it on toast... its the strength you grab when your friend has had bad news and you need to pick him or her up from the ground they have fallen too... but I also think that if somebody out there is lost in this search for strength and really feels alone, you need to spare some of your own, and reach out to this person.
I don't really think too deeply about all this big plan stuff on a daily but tonight I was sat watching TV and it hit me, how all that happens happens, and we all get on in the best way we know how... but that people out there have it worse, have it more recently or are dealing as I type this and we need to remember to be there for them also... bring them along the road with us... don't let them stray.
It was as if the walls had fallen around me for that moment,
I felt utterly bare and naked before your eyes as they starred back at me,
I felt like I couldn't hide my vulnerability,
Like even if I'd tried you would have seen through it,
I had not ever thought this would happen so soon after the last,
That I would be so capable of forming sentences from words,
That my mind would let me talk my thoughts and that somebody would unravel them,
I never let myself give up though...
We just continued with this role-play we had found worked for us both,
This life that we enjoyed and that led us through it all,
I believe although at first it was difficult,
The timing has actually been spot on.
I won't ever need to worry now when the day turns to night,
That I'll be lying in my bed and tears will stream,
As although we are only friends now,
It has built those walls back up around me,
I feel the strength to carry on planning and living,
I know we were meant to be what we are,
&& I do hope I can do the same for you.
Thanks for letting me vent this tonight...
TC -x-
Tuesday 2 August 2011
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