EST. 1987 ::::: F.E.A.R

"be that person they talk about 
dont shy away from the crowds
collect your prize at the end of the race
this is the race of your life

competing with the enemy and helping the friends
getting lost on the way but not giving in"





look at me now
all this you have done
all this shit you created and all you do is look up once, and walk away
i can feel the smirk on your face as you forget the whole thing
like you blink and i'm forgotten
i tried to help you you know
no need for the selfish no need for the hurting
i will just have to fix it myself this time
i wont cry or hide away this time
i wont just forgive and forget this time
this time i will get over it
i will grow up as i do when the shit hits the fan
in life this is just a little activity
to remind you that people can be oh so full of it
they can tell you all you wish to hear
and say different behind your back
and that this is just one of those times
one of those times i will just say ok cool
put a fork in me, i'm done
and i'm bored
and i'm tired
and i'm just fed up of the running around you shit

you want me?
you know where i am
fucking over it now
seriously!
games are for kids
i was a kid a long time ago
toodle pip

Short Bites

wait a moment
watch the storm
let yourself be taken
up and high and far away

keep your secrets
in your heart
tell nobody 
don't even whisper

catch a snowflake
stumble on leaves
burn in the sun
collect all your memories

please just let it be as it should 
don't try fighting it any more
accept the faults of others and carry on
don't look back, don't show them hurt

standing so tall trees compete
heart so deep, scars visible
just short bites of my feelings
nothing to worry about 

Final

If I come to you, be there
If I ask to see you, arrive
If I call you, answer
For I won't do it for games
I shall be real to you and for you
Don't forget
Don't forget the way I made you feel that day...

Here I go

Here we go, the day has started again
the sky is above us, your mind is full
the steps are harder to climb - not like they were
here I go, hold my hand, you might need to convince me to go inside
I don't know why I'm here sometimes

I see all their faces for the last time, 
I could cry but I won't 
I think about their futures and what this will all mean to us
I try and catch my thoughts as they spiral out of control
I feel nervous

I think about the weekend and how the other side will be new
how the hour will be earlier and I will be out and about
I will be smarter and become a new chapter
I will close this one down now, and just carry those things I need
I am scared

I know this will be a new exciting time 
I look forward to all it will mean
I refresh my brain and cleanse my mind
I packed away all of the troubles and put them away
I don't need that negative any more

The door closes, I have left, I feel relief and sadness entwine me
but I am okay, I have said goodbye lots before
I don't stay still forever
years count on by and I wish to evolve with the times 
I hold up my head, smile at the sky, I will never go back. 

Awaiting Decisions

Today is the day I say to myself as I prepare
Today is the day, arrived faster than I'd of liked
I know it is for the best, I say as I fix up my hair
I know I'll be fine I say as I climb out my chair

I make my way there, as I have done so often
I feel nervous and sick and can feel my heart in my mouth
I am going to be okay, people do this all the time
What will be will be, try your best to sway it your way

I think about the possibilities and it blows my mind
I think about the endings and I can't fight the tears
I think about the words and I just get overtaken with all of this emotion

For, today is the day, the way which will determine whether I have changed direction
Whether the crossroad is here
Whether I can move on to the next chapter...

These Streets Will Never Change

Walking down the streets that we know so well
watching the leaves collect on the floor in heaps
turn off our music and listen to the beats of the life around us
take it all in, long and deep breaths 

Catching that look of that stranger over there
smile back, as they try not to glare
try your best to keep your eyes level
don't whatever you do give in to the floor

The traffic is slowing as the day hits rush hour
people just gather and appear from nowhere
there are cars all around you, hustling and bustling
impatiently queuing and huffing and puffing

The lights change to green and off goes the traffic
faster and faster they climb in their paces
music and chatter and texting and thinking
blocking out the life, blocking out the calm

I just sit on this bench and I take it all in
and I breathe in the smells of the food and this evening
and I watch people swerve past at the quickest of hurries 
with there places to go and the places to see

I get up brush myself off and start to walk myself home
the sun has gone in and the night has surrounded us
I walk past chippys and bus stops and rowdy public houses
people chatting, and laughing and getting on with their evening

I put in my headphones, turn on the Ipod and start listening to my music
blocking out buses and cars and passers by
walking the streets that I know so well
shuffling through the leaves on the pathway below