Bright Spirit

The sun was a spirit that kept us smiling
A day with the sun out was a positive one
People got out and about more
Spent more time
Out and together
Laughing and talking and being

Being free
Feeling alive
Believing anything is possible
Not giving in
Not running away

Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Remember how you feel
How you want your life
How it is all there in front of you
Reach out
Be true
Be true to you

Better late than never

Watch me from a car on the street outside my house
Turn off your engine and breathe in my style
Forget about where you should be and watch me
Watch me as I live like I'm alone
Like no one has seen the sadness

I will get ready for a night out
One I have planned for most the year
The sun is out and my spirits are so high
I couldn't ask for anymore

I wasn't meant to be in this story
I feel like I have messed up my destiny
Nothing I believed in exists
I'm not saddened or angry I'm just disappointed
I feel lost, the walls are too white, nothing looks lived in anymore
Just blank it out
Smudge out the personalities and paint them all grey
Don't smile and never love

Worry about the way you look and the way you feel and the way people see you
Don't relax and always breathe in when you're around people
Don't ever let a single tear fall, tilt your head back and push the emotions back into that brimming heart and mind of yours with the creative river bursting at the edges
Praying to escape, to stand at the top of the world and shout out the truth

Calm yourself dear,  don't let on that you find this world suffocating at times
That you wish people worked out for fitness and not vanity
Then when you looked at another you all just saw beauty and not a clothes size or an envious undertone
Just beauty

Watch me from a car on the street outside my house
Look hard enough and you will see the fear as I live each day
As the truth now envelops me and protects me and sometimes I wish you all knew
Knew that I am ok with how it all ended up
I guess it was all a little late
And old faces are back and unchanged
But on oath I will just add
That yes I do have regrets
I regret that  I wasn't enough to accept myself
That I felt trapped and lost for too long
But now is my time
Better late than never
Better late than never

A description of patience

Suddenly the room became dark
So dark I couldn't find the light switch
I shuffled around helplessly
Straining my eyes to see more as I grew scared
I was alone and I couldn't see anything in front of me
I couldn't shout out as no one could hear me
I was alone up here in this house and I couldn't stop the shivers
The night was in full now as it crept closer to the morning
I was curled up in a ball as the cold surrounded me
I had my eyes closed and I was sobbing
I just had to wait

Costa

Today I was sitting down
It was a comfy chair in the middle of a train wreck
People rushed around me with lives
Whilst I sat and sipped on my iced latte as I wished for time to pass quicker
I had an appointment so I was urging my life along
Who does that?
Is it because of my age that I'm always so impatient with the 24hr days or the working weeks all of a sudden
I mean come on now; they have always been this way in my lifetime and yet here I am moaning about them.
Hurry up clock, go faster
It's not a pleasant way at looking at life is it
Just think there could be someone begging for time right at this moment
As I type this to you now
Begging for another hour
Another minute
Another day
Another chance
A chance to do life right
What is right?
Is it the opposite of left?
Does it mean perfection
Who's right is it anyway
Who chooses what's right and what's wrong
That person who made you regret that one time
That ex who was mean
That friend who just walked on out
Who?
Was it you?
I mean it's your life right?
Shouldn't it only be you who judges you?
You who regrets?
You who is right
I digress
Where was I
That's it the coffee
The iced latte
The sipping
The ice cubes
The plates tapping and people queuing
All waiting for their hit
Hit of caffeine
More energy
More energy to fit more into their day
Their life is too fast
Yet I'm wishing time away
And guess what this only took 5mins to type out
Gutted
Still waiting....

Dark waters

Calm the waters
Stop the storm
Tell me you don't need me here anymore
Watch the sun set
Watch it rise
Don't keep following me around
Don't hide

Accept my sorry
Accept my plea
Remember how hard this really was for me
I can't hurt you
I'd never try
I still love you
God knows why
I never let go
I just moved past
I can control
I can prevent

I needed a shadow but now I don't
I want my own life
I want my own happy
New and exciting
float in the waters
Watch the storm
Trust me when I say I've got you

Affection and Affliction

and maybe it was because i had felt cold for many moons
and maybe it was because we had once been inseparable
maybe it was because i am to admit finally, i was lonely

the pain was never too severe and i didn't feel it too much as the days rolled into one
but as the time went by and the tears had stopped
i became numb
i became unnecessary
i didn't need you
and you didn't need anyone
i had let go of my heart restraints and i had given up

but that night, that night was surprising
it woke me up
i had had a fleeting moment in my year but it had left before it became anything worthy
it hadn't worked out
i had wished it to but we weren't the same
we couldn't blend
i want to stop it but at the same time embrace it
that want is back
it has been awoken
i need that closeness
i need that affection
i need love
i need it all
i want it all
i wont shy away
i wont hide

just wish it could stay
with that whom awoken it
but that cant be the way
love was lost along the day
i grew up and grew older
and i shed it

Two lanes

Take my hand
Walk me down our lane
Tell me that even though there's no love left
There will always be a pain
Please don't let this be all it is
I don't know how this can happen
So much time must've starved all we had
Still we have the memories
We have all the love and care
Just it's not as I'd imagined
As I'd wished for
We were supposed to fall in love
Live together forever
Be together forever
Be you and me
Me and you
As I'd always wanted you to

Best laid plans
Guess this is it
That is you and this is me
Separately

Show me my soul mate

Final sentence was passed
I felt nothing anymore
I feel it had been beaten out of me years ago
I looked directly into her eyes
I saw her, just as I'd always pictured
All those years fantasising about her
And now in front of me
Nothing

Just familiarity
I actually surprise myself
I want it to hurt me
I want to cry all night
But I feel nothing
I feel altered
I feel like somebody else
Do I get it
Am I pinching myself
Am I awake
What is wrong with me
The mirror is my face
My eyes
My feelings
I am just over it
All thinking
All this agonising
All this wanting
And now I am faced with it
Real and actually happening
Just friendship
Should I be happy
Should I be sad
All I ever created was just that
Fictional
I always say I don't like fiction
Yet I am here and breathing it in
If all I ever adored and loved has crumbled
What does that mean?
All I have wanted is in someone else
Well I wish to meet her
She will blow my mind if better than a 10yr fantasy
Seriously
Bring her on - I can't wait to meet her