how do we ever know

where it is we are going,

where it is we are walking 

what direction our life is headed

if we try hard enough can we drag it our own way

why does it feel like people are stopping you?

how do we ever know the purpose of our lives 

to die having changed something, fought for something, made a difference

at least accomplished some of your childhood dreams

at least made yourself proud

fall in love, start a family, build a career

buy material items, furnish your own place

say "I do" when the moment presents itself

pretty intense you may think for a random Tuesday, 

but this is literally how my brain operates

and how my mind thinks and challenges me day by day

The life I lead is mine, 

It will only ever be mine, 

Whether sharing it with a partner or not, 

I live my life for me

and sometimes I do feel I forget to see

the bigger picture

eyes straining

days changing

finally seeing

blurred visions move into clear ones

and there it is...

My destiny...

black flowers

on the picture on my wall
sometimes I find myself wanting you
too proud to admit it though

until tonight...

When you know its the end of the day

You know its the end of the day 
because the sun goes away
You know its the end of the day 
because the world looks as though its slowing down
You know its the end of the day 
because you have given all that you can and it wasn't enough


The person isn't the same as they once were
They don't react how they used to
They don't even respond to your attempts anymore


You know its the end of the day
because they hurt your feelings when they ignore you
They knock you down with their "I don't give a shit" attitude
They try to make you feel so small with their one liners and you have had enough


You know its the end of the day
because you have been stretched so thin you feel invisible
You have bent over backwards your spine has snapped
You have thought about it so much, you have headache
You know its the end of the day now as you write this up


You can feel the emptiness in your mind 
You can see the coldness in her eyes
You can see that you never were and you'll never be
You don't want to look but its about time that you see
That you see it all as it is to everybody else
That when you talk about it, text about it, moan about it
How your friends react
How your friends look at you and try and help you see it too


You know when its the end of the day
because you have had to put it down
Put it down and leave it there
Stop trying to catch it 
Stop trying to make it 
Stop trying to excuse it


It is not what you need
It is not what you want
It is the end of the day now

Wednesday splats of thoughts and things..

and when you feel you are ready
and when you are no longer scared
and when you can see the worst is over


you can get up and get on
get up and smile ... but mean it
feel you are worthy
feel it is your time
and that we are all blessed in our lives


days will always flow in the same old way
whether you see them or not
the sun will rise and the sun will fall
spring summer autumn winter


tick tock tick tock




follow your feet, keep on the straight and narrow
be creative
be honest
be real
be you

footprints in the sand

I dont ever really change how I am
I dont seem to grasp the "calm down" idea
I fall deeper than I like to tell myself I do
People get under my skin a lot quicker than they used to


I find I am jealous more than usual
I find that I am overly bothered by lack of response 
I like to blame that on an individual - like its actually her fault.. its not 


I just annoy myself a lot right now
I get hooked and I care and I hate that
I need to be more like who gives a shit


Only time will tell.... 


January Task 

http://www.filterdread.com/

GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!
GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!
GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!
GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!
GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!
GET ON THIS PEOPLE!!

That is all!!!

If you haven't tried - you haven't lived

One of these days we will all bail out
The play will end and the applause will be white noise
We will shed a tear for our lives that have been and gone
We will smile as the times appear in our minds thoughts


If you haven't tried you haven't lived,
If you've never loved you'll never see
If you've never failed you've never learnt
If you've never felt sad you've never been hurt


One of these days we will all bail out
The lights will switch off
The night will fill the eyes of everybody around
People will mourn the loss
People will have to rebuild the walls around them
The walls that keep us safe and secure
Like a loving relationship with the one


If you haven't tried you haven't lived
And not to live is a waste I find
As we all have a shot, a shot at the big time
A shot at being who and what you want to be


So be a go-getter be a believer be what you dream about and choose what you feel is right.
Leave with a bang and a smile and a life to look back on with pride and no regrets.

This picture was taken in The Cavern Pub, Liverpool - August 2011 

"One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else."

Do you ever really know

What someone is thinking.... I adore this scene!

Bring me a higher love....

I see you and I see me

In our garden

Cup of tea

So much life and so much glee

I see you and I see me 

just writing what I'm thinking...

Sometimes just sitting about, my mind will drift away

I wont know how to stop it and I know it wants to play

It wants to make up that I have met somebody new

It wants to pretend that we are together and that I love you

Sometimes just sitting I feel myself just zone out

The bare room is dark and the lights have been put out

I am not worried, I don't even feel bothered

Instead I am just sat with a smile on my face.

I don't think I am feeling anything at all

Not an ounce of hurt or pain goes through my thoughts

Its almost like I am just an etch-a-sketch

And someone has come along and shook all the life away

I am just a blank canvas with some paints in my reach

Some pinks and blues and greens and yellows

I have this brush and I'm just sploshing and splashing

Images onto this slate

The life is being processed as I make the marks stain

Stain deeply and set and dry and create

The life is all there in colours all chirpy

All real all normal all painless and free

There is no victim there is no regret there is no grief there is no tears

Its just pinks and blues and greens and yellows 

Sometimes just sitting about, my mind will drift away

I wont know how to stop it and I know it wants to play

I just wish sometimes that this could be 

that this life could erase and I could be free

But when I really think about all that I'd have to give up

I think nah forget it Kim, move one and just shut the f*** up 

written 5/1/12 :)