Family Affair

Who tells you anyway
I mean surely all your choices are your own
Noone can tell you anything
Surely
Life is our own decision
Our own path
Our own destiny
Surely existence is based on preference and choice and decisions
Why would you say any different
Why would you tell someone your own thoughts
Push that onto a person
Drown them in your opinion
Strangle them with thoughts and ideas and shit
Why
To make out you know better
To make out you are better
On the hierarchy of life
Fcukin better
Educated higher
Have more knowledge
Fcuk you
Fcuk you all
You aren't God
Whoever that is
You aren't important
You've just had more years alive
So you think you might know more
But do you actually understand some bodies fears
Somebody's loss
Somebody's experience
No
No
No
You go for a coffee
You chat the waves
You say what you think
Then leave it
All of our choices are our own
All of our direction is our own
Please allow it
Even if it's hard
Even if it's scary
Allow it
Trust
Trust in life
And trust in people
Yes we fear for siblings and people in our lives
We may even sit up at night awake in bed thinking more
But we can't impose
We can't divulge
Tell your better half
Tell your diary
Keep some thoughts for your selves
Be mindful and careful
Things will work out
Life will be good
Trust in the good

Autumn bliss

Kicking the leaves across the street
Hustle and bustle of adult life surrounds me
I look down at my feet as they step one by one and have flashback feelings
I remember being younger and kicking the leaves this time of year
Picking up mountains of brown autumn leaves that have fallen and throwing them up above my head
The sheer joy in my eyes and my smile lit up in the autumn sun
My duffel coat keeping the brisk wind out
My gloves getting leaves stuck to them
That string that kept them attached through my arms
I have always loved autumn
It used to excite me as I knew Christmas was next
The darker nights and dark mornings
The fresh morning dew in the fields
The smell of change
The understanding of the four seasons
Seeing this one make the most change to the surroundings
All that has lived has fallen down
Now under my feet with a crunch

The colours are beautiful and always have been
The countryside looks covered in life
Different shades and different types
But all now laying low for this season
I still kick the leaves
I still look out for conkers
I see the squirrels amongst the trees up high
So much in life changes
Your face your feelings your thoughts mature with your age
But it's so nice to know that some precious childhood memories will always follow me
Along with my footsteps
One after the other walking into my future
With this season bringing the comfort of its consistency
It's reliable smell and colours
Thank you seasons
It's a beautiful moment
When you realise that age is just your number
It doesn't stop you remembering
Autumn is always beautiful
Bring on the fireworks...

A moment of clarity for N

Closer and closer
We fall into line and we look forward awaiting instruction
Nobody could tell you about how it could be
It is an unspoken and it is unruly and in that, addictive
You stand there baring all, but you aren't scared
Nothing can hurt you anymore
Life threw enough at you and you feel ready for what might be next
The lieutenant is now walking towards you all
You can't see their face
They stop almost touching your arm before they shout out numbers
You don't even flinch
You are so ready for this
All your life had led to this moment and you are not worried
There is no anxiety left
Your youth drained you of fear and nerves and left only your resilience and fight behind
You know it could be a long time before you see your loved ones but you are ready
For you have waited so long
It must feel so exciting to have finally succeeded.
We had waved you off weeks before and we now watch as post falls to the floor for the letters
We await updates and news and phonecall slots
We are your family
We will support you eternally
I will support you brother..
In whatever you choose to endeavour
I trust in your choices
And I love your determination