Never a better companion

The day has been etched on my brain since day one
I can remember finding out and being so excited Mum had said yes
I watched you come into this life and I was smitten
You were and are adorable

I can remember impatiently waiting for you to be ready and your eyes open
I couldn't wait to get to know you and spend some time with you

Uni was tough, because I knew then I would be leaving you behind
You gave me company every night
I remember coming home on visits and crying into your fur
You comforted me through the toughest times

Now you are 13 years old, turning 14 in April and my heart bleeds for you
I can see that you are getting older and it terrifies me
I don't want you to leave me

I found a lump this morning and I was broken
I haven't felt myself all day
You are my pet and I love you
I don't want to imagine life without you

So I allow the tears to roll down my face and I look deep into my heart and I pray
I pray for you
Never have I felt so understood
So necessary to some one elses life
3 whole years you have lived with me and never once did I feel alone

Please stay a little bit longer
I need you to
I love you and I will be here for you

I have written this to remind myself.

Whatever happens I was very fortunate to have this cat in my life
To Joey

With love, forever x

We are ALL dying to live

Take a second to hear yourself
can you hear the heart beating? Can you feel it?
What is it beating for?
Life? Death?

Who believes in destiny? I used to think the beats were counting down
down to the last few moments
but after time I realised that was the wrong way around
The beats are counting up
counting higher
as life gets faster we get higher
life is faster every time I see the love of my life
taking me higher
making my smile deeper
oh how lucky
I am
finally
lucky
in love
Who believes in destiny?

Not enough moments sometimes
I get lost in her eyes often
her voice can wake me from the deepest sleep
her face can calm me from the worst nightmare
I just adore her

What is dying?
When the time is up
when the room is dark and no one is left watching you anymore
the stage becomes cold and the sign at the right says over
life is over
what begins next?
surely its like the radio
when does that stop?
its a loop surely
we go somewhere else
or maybe we don't
maybe we all just float around asking each other the same question
what next?

In films they say different things
the one I like is in American Beauty
I like it because its warming
it says that death plays out your life
every single moment
you can be part of it all again
like a film you can laugh out loud, or cry like a baby
but either way you are busy and you are watching

We are ALL dying in order to live
as the more we do, the more time we take away
away from what we have
and what we want
It is never something people say
I am ready to die?
Is it?
People always want longer
like an exam with a timer going off
I just need to finish this sentence, you plead
but they say pens down
and you hand in the paper
and you hope you did enough

well that's a way to see your life
your time may be up but you hope you did enough
before my Patty, I would be the one pleading for more time

But if you asked me now
say it was my time
the exam was over
death was upon me..
I would say thank you
this last 14/15 months has been more of a life, than the best part of it all, before
My heart has been beating quicker and my heart has been in love
I have felt myself getting higher each  day
I have felt the smile stick to my every emotion
I would be sorry to go but happy
happy that I had achieved my lifelong dreams
to become a teacher (if only a trainee)
to fall in love (the greatest feeling a human can have)
I am engaged and I am excited

but if it is to be over now
take my pen
take my paper
and thank you for the opportunity.
Now lets watch this life once more....