Not So Long Ago I Had This Day...

Wash me away
don't hold your breath
don't wipe the tears from my eyes
don't try to hug me
don't try to love me 
don't try to tell me its OK

let it all just fall away
and break away
and rip away from the seams
I can see it all now
I am accepting it
I wont try to catch it or stop it


Come on rain
fall harder, break things as you land
drown all the spiders and the rats
drown all the sorrow 
flood the streets
flood the world 
flood it all so we can start again

Build it all up from the ground
scrape through the ruins finding the lost ones
begging for it all back
looking back and wishing it was here 

As I look to the ground
and lose my concentration
and as I struggle to keep eye contact and motivation
and when you are tired of asking me to try
and when all you can do is watch me cry
and when I wont hug you or tell you I'm OK 
just walk away
leave me be
let me see the mistakes I have made
leave me here to pick it all up and make a sense out of it


Nothing to say, nothing to think of,
nothing to worry or cry about
nothing to miss, nothing to want, nothing to dream or stress about
nobody here, nobody there, nothing to look after or care for
just a day, just a moment, just a flicker of drama

Tears they fell, so hard it made me sick
sick I was until I fell asleep
dreams were warped and dragged me deeper
into the rooms Id locked away moons ago
they were all opened over and over and the worries and stresses got louder and louder
and the panic set in, and the loneliness drowned me and I couldn't get up and I couldn't get out
and I was just drowning and spinning and crying and hating and hurting and needing and wanting and seeing
and that's when it set in that this can not happen
and this is a one off and this is a nightmare and this does so happen to freshen the closets
to system restore your mind and soul

................................................ Now its gone, now its gone, now its gone now its gone.... 

Not The Same

Lets just take a moment and think about what's happened
in our lives the changes and the cries
in our eyes the secrets and the fear
nothing left to make it that way again


Lets not forget the moment it all came out
how you burst and just threw and spat it out
not a cloud in the sky when the words left your mouth
your heart leaped and skipped beats as the words resound


Not a robot to my fears of fitting in
not a shadow of the me that has tried to be 
nothing wants to be said over and over
no tears are cried for it either


I wont let it out of my sight now I've caught it
I wont forget how it was found
I am thinking about the moment it happened
and I am trying so hard to not let that out


Too many people will tell you you're wrong
and too many people will try to bully you
and too many people are just small minded animals
but that's not a problem of yours 


I type it all and I see so clearly
like I could remove my glasses and see everything
like the details are etched so deep now its the prettiest thing I have ever seen
my reflection is real, and strong and true


thank you for helping me find it
for leading me along the path 
the path I stepped off for years
but the one that's freed me and saved me.

Rap Tingz

Not ever seeing the way it is all to be 

really to be with you and to be with me

and if you and me are ever meant to really see

how we could be 

how we should be 

would it change us?

trying so hard to keep hold of our dreams

those we shared back in the day

the days when life was easy no responsibility, everything carefree

just you and me 

easy, no cares you see

when we look forward we look back

when we think of growing up, we wish of moving back

to being the one without a mortgage or a HP car 

or a marriage or kids or anything at all

and not saying that we don't want we got now but that what we were has flown by too fast

and some things we forget

and sometimes we lose 

you and me, me and you 

sometimes we lose

I don't want to get all low you know

so I wont go on

too much anyway

too much gets you nowhere

too much gets you crying and wailing and moving back too fast

dragging it all up and taking it with you

and just carrying this baggage for years for no reason

with no purpose

just crying over me and you

you and me

we were an us, you can see

in the pictures we are there

too young girls, no cares in the world

just living and loving and getting through our life

and not really thinking too much of the future

and not wishing away our days spent in offices

or wishing we had more holiday days

but complaining that six weeks got boring

and missing our girlfriends when away in Wales

and then just being a couple that rowed

and fell out

and broken hearts

and shouting, and alcohol and moving on 

and closure

and now we see

we see and we remember 

we turn over the pages 

we are shown the flashbacks for times when our memory fails us

when we cant remember the whys and the ifs

that we were an us

now we are a you

and I am a me

long time since we have seen 

time flies by faster

catching moments

Kodak moments

never forgotten moments

this is just how it used to be

INSPIRATION- days off work when you are ill, times to think, old photos, teenage years..