This was never a post I thought I would find myself writing
not me
not the one who always thought negatively
expected the worst
not after all this time and heartache
not after all this shit i've climbed through beaten and broken
not me
not cancer
not me
why me
did i bring this on myself
did i tempt it with my bullshit comments about it
why did they say i didn't if i did
why would anyone do that
this was never a post i thought i would be writing
and yet here i am
typing full of such anger and pain and emotion
without any way of expelling it
this bucket is so full its pouring over the edges
water everywhere
blood and my soul is spilling
spilling out in front of you all
devastated you say
devastated?
should i feel eased at such a word
should i feel better
are you sorry?
why, did you do it?
is this even you feeling this right now
this tumour
in my body
in my body every morning i wake reminded of this living nightmare
this tumour, this lump each night i fall asleep in my uneasy awful position
no
dont be sorry
dont be devastated
help me
please someone help me
help me get through this
until then i will grab my make up bag
and continue to draw on my smile
what other choice do i have
