G & P

Come down from the heights 

They are not safe anymore for the wind is coming and will not wait 

Life has been a tumultuous existence in which heart and soul has been pushed against its rock and hard place

The pain has been squeezed deep into the pores of your skin and left you effortlessly tired

You are no longer able to muster the words of forgiveness and solitude is your only friend

The lights burn too bright for the sore eyes which are stained and wrinkled from the stinging of salted water which poured so heavily from them 

I will not apologise for being

For being is a blessing in this uncomfortable existence 

The existence which has taken the beauty of company of others and replaced it with the fear of ill health and guilt

We have been blamed and slaughtered for wanting to see those we love

Cancelled plans that have been the light for so many’s tunnel

Weddings and births are now a solo project in which only the brave or stupid can partake

Life is not as we knew it

But a sketch that was left out in the ruins of thunderstorms to smudge and become drenched

We are no longer able to see through the tinted lenses that are placed on our faces as we wake to the morning tune of birds

Concealed like some cheap make up you got free in a bingo hall toilet

Sticking to the floor that has been trampled for so many years the carpet is so weathered the colour doesn’t have a name

Dragging our limbs up stairs in fear of lifts or social contact

Becoming shadows of our former glory days

Nostalgia over fantasy times we can’t remember 

Missing the days of a bus journey without concern over masks or distance 

Eye contact being something we all avoided but now how we read a rooms mood

How we interpret feeling for the voice and normal conversation diminishes to a face time call in this new societal norm of 2021

Come down from the heights

Look down at your hands holding a phone which encompasses your new life

Time lost to short videos of action and comedy 

For this is our new normal

This is our life now 

This islands carpet

Take me higher 

Fly me out of this country 

Out of the world

That is shredded and falling apart

The surrounding environments feel weathered and no longer hold their classy feelings of being someone

The world has changed so much I can’t quite remember the before

Not just the guidance or recommendations or laws

But the people

So many people lost battles to something we can’t even see

Just an image designed to show that it’s dangerous 

With it it takes your last breath 

Not a soul can run from it and everyone I know I just want to protect 

But people listen to that moral panic 

That media storm that has taken the innocence and trust 

It throws itself dangerously against our shelter and drowns all that gets caught out

Not anything can run from that 

It’s like some csi film glitch that always runs you out 

Take me higher 

Put me in a seat and throw me into the atmosphere 

Let the faith and belief that I have help me land safely

That faith in the human I am 

Just a dash in time 

Born to make a difference

An impact on another

I feel like a saviour and a victim in the same second

Random rambles 

From the earth that we walk on

Under a sky that keeps the sun shining

From a different country

But in our island

Our island of chances and possibilities 

Never shade where you grew up

For it created who you are today

All those experiences and memories are encapsulated in this place of calm and peace

Enough peace to hear my thoughts this evening

Enough peace to empty the bins 

Process my ramblings into text to share with you 

Still hurts

It still hurts you know

That healing process has been going on for months

Like the wound that won’t seal

It pours out all over me sometimes

At night the tears are falling

I try all I can to control it but sometimes I just let it in

Let it consume

It has to

I’m still angry about it all the time 

Angry that it was him and us and now 

When life is already difficult 

When your career has become your life as you slowly drown below the expectations 

As you struggle to keep up with the mental well-being of all your students your staff and now family too

Hardest assault course I’ve ever been through 

Hated every second of it

Didn’t want to lose on my final day of college 

So I didn’t show up at all

Who was she

Run away at any risk of losing

These days I can be in last place and still push through 

It still hurts me though..

Seen as a role model

Me a role model?

Me inspiration 

Can’t quite get my breathe at those comments

I just blush and dismiss them

Crazy cat really aren’t I?

But I figure if I get better at this bit, the rest will fall in line 

Never really been someone who gives up 

I don’t give up on anyone

Not one student have I left behind

Drag them if I have to

Need that attitude with myself now

But just know

It still hurts

But I have faith in the healing