True soul mates

And when you've found it
Hold it
Remember this is special and try your best not to let go
This isn't a dummy run, this is the run and if you fuck up well then you're out
Jus keep holding it however weighted,  even the arguments just keep going
And when you're crying and you're helpless keep the trail on, don't give in

You'll have those convos
About how lucky
And how completed you both now feel
And it's not practise this is real time and this is your time so go out and live it
And if the money's tight and the plans are big, just work together and make a dream
It will work out because it's meant to, because there's 50/50 and life gets done

All I know now, is that I love her and forever that will be true
It is a risk to put it on the table but I feel it's worth it so off I go

Matter of fact

I drove home
The street lights paved out the life ahead and the rain had started to come down
England for you
Wet and windy was how we rolled
I pulled up outside my house
Turned off the Annie Mac mega mix and just sat there
It was raining hard and I hadn't got my coat
So here I am typing out drivel into a phone as the rain covers the street
Cleansing away the day
Oh what a day
Full of creativity and warmth
Such a great day

Lost loves

Have you ever seen pain?
I don't mean physical I mean emotional
The complete paralysis
the inability to form a sentence or continue with life
The absolute devastation
the overwhelming loss
Have you?

Have you ever felt so intoxicated in hurt that you can barely stand up straight
The weight of the world isn't heavy enough
You force a reaction just to release
Just to mock a let go illusion

When you have.... go with it
Sink so deep you get lost in the dark
Let the walls close in on you and swallow you up
Let yourself grieve
Grieve so much you forget how you were before
Just lose yourself
Accept this is normal
For now and this is necessary
It is necessary for growth
It is necessary for closure
It will prevent you wasting time
Trust me
Believe me
Have you ever seen the pain?

Talking to a younger self

Don't let them stop you
Just because the gate is closed doesn't mean you can't go in
We have all experienced life's dramas and this my friend is just the beginning
I'm sorry I know that isn't what you want to hear but I have to be honest with you
Life is full of drama
It really teaches you to enjoy each day
And unfortunately this lesson only comes late in life.

No one is perfect and I'm sorry to be the bearer of news on this too
We are all existing in a world full of ideals
And people who will consistently knock you down to use you as a step
This again is a mid twenties lesson and we aren't allowed to see this too early either

What do old people say?
When there lives are coming to the end
They say live more, worry less
Take risks
Love for nobody but yourself
Love who you love and be happy with it
We aren't packaged people
We have our own ideas and opinions
We will always make our own choices

Don't let them stop you
Just because the gate is closed, doesn't mean you can't open it and run down the hill shouting 'I'm free' at the top of your lungs
For our lives are short when you look at the bigger picture
And we all deserve to leave a splash behind in the sea of existence
And maybe even enjoy our time
Who knows

My name

As you sit there uncomfortable in your own skin
Our names are called out
We all sit there nervously awaiting our decisions and try not to make eye contact
The room becomes a vacuum and I find it hard to breathe in
the rain is coming down so hard outside, like it's angry with the world today, today of all days
One by one the seats empty
The room becomes bare once more
And the off white walls become blinding
Not a shuffle
Don't even cough
Just stare hard into the carpet like you are having a staring contest
Don't even breathe loudly
Shit
I know it's my turn next
I can't relax
My heart is beating so fast I'm drowning on the blood in my veins
I can't calm down
Counting to 10 so fast, I don't hear any number I've said to myself
Shit
My name has been called
No backing out now