If I Could

If I could I would reach down and take it from you
Like a parcel I would remove it from your reach
I would hide it away from your eyes and pray you don't remember on the nights that you wake 

If I could I would talk you through the dealing
stop your heart from reeling
when it remembers the truth and it hurts and it cuts you
I would stop the day from ending
so you fall asleep in the light
scared of the dark, scared of the dark

If I could I would be there for you till the end
till the end of our lives
but we both know I won't be
we carry on this dance
this acting out the days
this pretending it will never end

If I could I would hold you
I would hold you till the tears finally gave in
till you felt strong enough to deal
till you accepted it
till you faced it
till you learnt to live with it

If I could
If I could... I would help you more than I seem to do right now
than I did all those nights of no sleeping
and just battling
and just trying to stop yourself from crying
I won't forget you
for you are someone who mattered
and forever you will stay in my heart
whatever happens 
whatever changes
forever in my heart....
Till I leave this sunlight too
and join all of you above the stars
Until that day, I will continue to fight for people's hearts
and people's futures - in whatever way I can
until my heart stops... I won't change
I won't change

Funny.... Really...

It's funny how they say you gotta get up
You gotta get up and try again
Sometimes it can be so difficult... The tears are just falling on auto
You take that deep breath in as they say to, you feel light headed
Faint at the reality of your situation

I entwine myself into peoples bodies as I hug away the pain
I squeeze people so hard these days - I never used to
I hold on for my life - I still feel scared to let go
I look up at the eyes of the person I am with
- Their kindness overwhelms me

I want to scream so loud some nights, - alone - that would be effort in vain
I want to put on my coat and just run away in the direction of carefree
I wake up some mornings and the way I am living astounds me
paying bills, making money, getting by..

It is funny how they say what don't kill you makes you stronger
- how many times I have wished to die for ease
I know it isn't right to, but here is my confession
I am scared a lot of the time... I look back and to, back and to
I approach with caution, I feel weak if I remember my past, I cry so hard sometimes I want to be sick, I look up to my parents and wish they could help.. I realise one day... they won't be able to..
I miss things before they happen, I spend so much time stressing, I over-think and always have - But they say, "Kim, that's part of being you!"

I sometimes wish I could hide under my duvet all day,
I countdown to the weekend too often...
I will never do as you want me to

I look at my reflection and wish I was doing more with myself
The smile is there just the passion for the work I do... lacks somewhat

To end, it's funny really...
How easy it is to say do something and to actually do it
To put something into motion takes time, as they all say
but once you do, keep going...
You gotta get up and try again, keep calm and carry on
No such thing as failing...

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail."

Benjamin Franklin

* Tapping the keys and making a noise

It doesn't make you better
You don't look stronger
You just look weak as you laugh in the corner
We all try our best
Sometimes it doesn't work 
but don't you dare look down at us for at least trying
You might feel superior cause you stay till the end 
but you're not - you are just being fooled
I wont continue to mention you though
and give you that ego boost
I will just walk away
Walk away with nothing to say
Walk away and not look over my shoulder
Walk away hearing you scream the abuse as I pick up pace
Walk away and leave behind what I thought meant something
Walk away and scatter my feelings 
Leave the pieces on the floor
Not thinking to pick them up any more
You cursed them all 
You trashed it all
It doesn't make you better
You don't look stronger
I feel sorry for people like you.

Trying to catch a wave

No one tells everyone everything
people deal with a lot on their own 
they keep things to themselves 
and hope there eyes don't give it away


we all wonder around the streets 
some with smiles some with worries 
some with a plan to end it


before we know it we are older and the life we dreamt of seems so far away
we are just accepting not fighting
no more courage it seems

people think they are the only one with a problem as they sit sad in there day jobs 
praying for the weekend
praying for the peace

Yet I see it 
I  hear it
I watch you all pretend and I know it 
I watch you think you'll never get it back
the passion you once had 
the girl or boy you were you feel has drowned 
but they haven't


you need to learn to just get the fcuk up
you need to concentrate hard and you will catch that wave
you will ride it higher than ever before
and god will you know it
you'll only crave more
you will beat everyone who told you, you couldn't
you will shut off every bully you ever encountered
for you will have courage
you will be something better
come on now
fcuk the sadness and catch that fcuking wave!

Trust Me, I know

Just stop what you are doing, and look to the sky
Watch the clouds move slowly above you
That is your day becoming your night
And only you can make this day happen

From the moment you wake up, your life is counting down
even in your dreams the minutes and hours float past you
the thing is I wake up thinking the same things
why this, why that? Yet it is never something that is of REAL importance


See the truth I realise is we probably all waste time and our efforts on those we feel deserve it
Yet you are left without and wonder on nights why..
I have the experiences and history from my own life to understand why certain people just take take take
yet... even I will admit to forgetting it sometimes, and hoping that isn't the case
however... when I look to the sky and I think of the day I have had - I realise the sad feelings and shit - were for people who give me no time of their own
and as the clouds fill the sky and the night rolls in - what do I have...

Just stop what you are all doing and look to the sky
breathe in deep, fill your lungs and accept that this is YOUR life and this will be exactly what you make it
If you spend your days wasting your mind on others who don't deserve a second.. then flip that shit up and stop!
Stop the shit and start the life that ONLY you can make

So yeah... trust me when I say I know... as this is exactly how I feel right about now!!

But I will switch it up - Happy Friday Readers! 

Don't Ever

Don't ever try to change yourself - you are who you are
Don't ever try to hurt yourself - just learn from all the drama
Don't ever have to explain yourself - life is as it is
Don't ever lose yourself - stay exactly as you are