a room with a door, and an ear

shut the door
you could be here a while and the cold is getting in
take a seat and just remain there for a moment
whilst we prepare

when they ask the questions answer them honestly
you have nothing to hide in here and they will know if you lie
sit and story tell, tell them of all the moments you'd had enough
had enough, and been pushed to breaking point
struggled with your existence and on occasion, tried to take it away
tell them of the happiness and the times your heart leaped from your chest with the love
tell them of despair, of the first funeral you went to, of the first time you failed something
when the class were bullies, when the teachers didn't take the time
when you hid, when you were scared, when you cried until it hurt
when you felt sick, and were sick, and witnessed sick events
pour it out
watch them sit in silence
stunned to the core
aching for you
don't stop though
don't say you've gone too far
there is no too far in this room
the room will let you say it all
the guilt you felt as a child when you did bad things
the guilt you felt as a teenager and the lies you regret

don't be wrong though
this is not a therapy, this is a way to commit to your truth
this is a way to seek forgiveness from nobody but yourself
as you type this and think back to years before you felt regret
deep embedded regrets for the lack of confidence in your own being
the complete anger you feel towards yourself because you couldn't stand up to yourself
you would see it in your eyes and feel it on your lips but you did nothing
you just sat and watched the lie manifest into a life and it became too big
the life became a darkness that you carried in to your everyday
it became the nightmares in your sleep
it became the shadows under your eyes
it became the tears, it became the disgust as you put yourself through the things that you hated
it became the dirty secret
it consumed you
take a breath, take it in deep, calm yourself, sit back down you are scaring the room
you need to remember that it is ok now, its too late but the time has gone
you cant do a thing to change the been
you can only mould the now, and dream for the future
let it go now, stop holding on to it
stop reminding yourself as its ok, it doesn't matter any more
it has been
sign this off with a closure
a real deep heart felt closure
hang up the coat of past and shut it in the room down at the bottom of the stairs
leave it there until another time
another life time
you cant change it so don't waste any more time on it
stand up, thank them for there time and leave the room
close the door behind you
you will let the cold in

Our town, our secrets

Stumble on down to the town
Meet me at our place
Bring the secret with you
I will be on time
Like I always am and you, you will be late as you always are
We will be excited and nervous and sneaky in our appearance

This has been our game since our younger years
And we always enjoy it
No one ever knows it and we keep it that way

The town is full of love tonight
The laughter can be heard from the hill tops
Everyone is happy and it shows
We have never left this place
And we vow we never will
Some things just can't be changed
Shouldn't be changed
Won't be changed

Twists and turbulence

Should they ask who I am
Tell them who I was
Tell them back in the day I mattered
If the name rings a bell
Tell them I'm swell tell them I've moved on and I'm happy
Don't tell them of the sadness
Or of the confused thoughts
Or of the lost in the darkness
Tell them I'm strong and able and free
And how I have bettered myself

I lie in my bed at night
And the whole world just spirals
I feel sick with the movement of woes
I can't see past it
And I'm scared for my future

I try everso to keep up
Keep my smiles strong
Keep my head held high
Ignore the bad words
The vile vibes
the people who don't matter
It's tough
It drains
I'm tired
Turn out the light
Let me rest
Just for a moment
Let me close my eyes and float away

A quiet message for a special person

And when you've said all you can
And when your face is blue
And when the tears sting the skin as they fall
Don't back track
Don't tell them you went too far
Don't tell them you lied
Stay true
Open up
Spill out your heart and mind onto the floor
Let them say it's too much
Let them reach for a broom to brush it under that tired rug
Let them try
Let them struggle
Let them feel your pain
Let them see into your life and your heart
Let them understand
Don't let it go
Don't give up on yourself
Grab hold
Change it
Tell them and improve
Look together at the ruins of your past and decide on a plan
A plan to move on
A plan to be better
Whatever it takes
Whatever it takes
One life
Do whatever it takes