&& So I Take A Bow

As everyone is running for the door, knowing the day has come to an end
shuffling in rows and rows - impatience at its best
I just sit there for a little while
I take in what I see and feel all that's around me and I try and store as much of it as this will be the last time I can have this moment

People are just all so rushed, so impatient- unaware of how life could be if they only waited a moment 
they don't stop to take in the lessons learnt
to remember those nights the tears wouldn't stop
or that time the laughing made the tears fall 

As the reason we should all stop to appreciate is because yet another year is left behind,
we can select all that we wish to hold onto but the rest will fall away

2013 is going to be the year for me
Me, Myself and I
yes it may start with a hangover but that's okay 


Sometimes I don't read what I write but today I am extra careful to keep it simple and to the point..

I understand I wont always get what I want 
but that's okay
I realise I may have wasted time and effort on people 
but that's going to change
I always have myself at the bottom of the priority list
but that's for the last time


All that I want to achieve can be, with hard work and determination

but more importantly by learning from how things failed before and not making those same mistakes twice 

Signing out... there's a party to be had! 

Chilled Air, Warm Heart

seeing it with reborn eyes

wishing it away with every ounce of me 

dragging my nails through the walls that won't fall

thinking so much it starts to hurt

Watching myself through someone else's view 

wondering how I expect anyone to know 

when I play with my many faces - the clown is getting tired

I believe in more than you'll ever think

I see more happen than people realise

I have always been that girl that watches and soaks up all the struggles people try to hide

I feel so drained with peoples lives I sometimes dont know how I stand up at all

I feel so moved by peoples lives, I am surprised I never stop crying

I am so helpless when it comes to peoples situations I feel I can never forgive myself

I am always so involved in other people, I forget I have a life to live at all..

Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and I can see my inner self screaming at the top of her lungs,

"What about me, what about me?" 

But I brush her away with a stroke of mascara, fix my hair and be on my way..

I get so down sometimes, because I am worried I will never remember how to be about me and not about them or you or her or him... 

Just get up and have a day for me, leave my phone, leave the social networks and just live for me... 

The air is colder this time of year, we dress up with more layers, covering ourselves up, dreaming of the sunny days...

You know... I miss the sunny days, the ones I had a smile for me.... because of me and my life.... 

2013- I will be getting me back 

Don't Watch Me

look straight through me, don't let my words linger on your lips
don't let my appearance fix itself to your memory- taking away all you knew before
don't get me like i get you
let me be the one you never understand
let me be the one that confuses you so much it angers you
let me be that girl that just bugs you because you never know what i am thinking...
N when for that short moment you think you have figured me out, I change direction and lose you again

please, don't watch me I ask with an almost plead in my voice
as I lose that strength you all say I have and you see my eyes without the wall that is always closing up around me
when you see my bare thoughts pour out of my heart and you struggle to catch it as it flows on through
and you try desperately to help me and to try and understand me and to "get me"
to admit defeat on your part kills you


I don't need a shoulder I need a body, that encases itself around me and holds me tight
I need a voice that soothes my soul so much I feel like I'm floating through the sky
I need someone to make me feel stronger than anybody you've ever met
I look for that person to not only save me, but to bring me back to life
and together we fight the world head on, strong and united, and in such a deep trance called love
so that I have this feeling of complete acceptance of all my failings and wrong turns and I stand there tall and strong and built for purpose....

But don't apply as a whim, this shit is real, you don't get me like I get you
I see it before you feel it and we all know its true
I don't feel defeated or weak in anyway, just a little lost right now, I need someone to show me the way...

Not in huge trouble with how I feel, just a little tired of the same old reel
like a drawn out film, that just never ends...
I wish to stop filming and edit it from today.. If I may

Right and Wrong

Who says which is which anyway
so what if I wanna do it
would you have wanted to stop me if I let you
would it all be a big old drama if you caught me
not knowing your own reasons is being lost
being lost but not looking to be found
just looking to be content with all that is here

Right or wrong the feelings get stronger
right or wrong I cant stop them
ask myself why and I reply with why should I
harmful thoughts 
but addicted to the pleasure they cause

each day that flows on by it gets more intense
I catch myself thinking of you constantly
its intoxicating without the morning after
but I need it 

Right or wrong who gives a sh*t
I enjoy the ride while I'm on it
I know these moments don't last forever
so Ill grab it all while I can
boom!

I reckon you know, I reckon you like it
I reckon we both need it truth be told...

Unimaginable

four walls, windows that look out to the streets

streets that lead to the places that we have all passed on our daily

smiling, laughing so hard we are crying, urging ourselves to breathe and to take it easy...

finding, all those things we have forgotten about, pictures, books, toys, being slapped so hard with our childhood memories... till the cheek is left burning....

catching the tears as they leave my eyes, seeing the faces of my loved lost family members, praying for their peace and eternal love... 

flying higher and higher, the swing takes leaps above the park, that feeling of safety and bliss 

saying goodbye, getting in a car, and driving away.... lump in my throat as I try to 'man up'...

learning lessons, living, loving, watching, taking in every moment, storing every word, forgetting nothing...

four walls, a window that looks out into my world, I can be anything and with anyone and do everything...

Unimaginable love for this existence.... 

to close a book, to say enough is enough, to accept my failings and let them go....one by one we bow and the curtain slides to a close......