The vase

I brought this vase
It was a beautiful looking ornament that I kept high and proud on my living room chest
Every morning it caught my eye on my way out the door
It glistened in the sunshine and brought such a pretty sight when it was filled with flowers
It was stunning

Winter had arrived and this vase was looking so dull
I decided to move it to the window sill so it would get some light
It looked different from this position in the living room and before long I started to forget it was there
The spring flew around and the spring clean was in flow
Dusting as I do I managed to knock this vase off the windowsill
It crashed to the floor but only a few pieces fell off
I was devastated
I knew I shouldn't have moved it
We brought glue and we fixed it
A chip was now present but it was moved back to the chest
Out of harms way
New furniture filled the room and the older ornaments started to stand out
They didn't fit the room or the style
This vase was looking damaged and broken and didn't shine anymore
The sun although cold didn't hit the points anymore
It just looked sad
We had guests over and it was knocked again
More chips
More glue
Now its hidden behind other ornaments
I want to throw it away
I can't stand the sight of it sometimes
It looks damaged and sad
It doesn't fit with us anymore
It's going to be boxed away soon
It will probably never leave the loft
I want to keep it
I've worked so hard to keep it
People used to comment on it
Say how stunning it was
It's only a vase I'd say
It always looks better with flowers
But it leaks now
Lost its purpose
Lost its uses
Just an ornament
No real need for it
It gets moved every week
Quick polish and back on the cupboard
Pointless little vase
Oh how you used to brighten up the room
Now I'm struggling to keep you

Life ruined your shine
Took away your beauty
Now you have cracks and chips
What do i do with you now?

Poem written by me: 10/6/2012

Then one day she was woken up
Bolt upright - full of knowing what next
Some people didnt get her,
But she has finally come to realise that's not her problem.
This is who she is and she's comfortable with it
Ups and downs have fell aplenty
However it's all been too much of the same thing
Nobody expects a fricking standing ovation
Just the nod of one's head in recognition of acceptance.
Battles have felt so long and draining
but it was only my minds thought I was chatting at,
And she's the same girl
- so go figure.
As I said, one day she was woken up,
And now I am aware of the next
Check list on the been,
And now listing off the to do
Until till then, goodbye.

This poem was found in an old journal and was written from the bed of my cousin Danny's house nr Dusseldorf, Germany.

My strength

As the curtain falls
The room becomes still
You can hear the beating hearts of the audience as they wait with anticipation
The emotion is heard in my voice as I start to tell my story
I can see the tears form in the eyes of the front row
They can hardly believe their ears
The room becomes enclosed and I feel like it's comforting me
The gasps and reactions are heard from all the seats in front

I pause and take a sip of my water
Someone shouts out to me
"how did you get through it?"

I choke slightly as I am humbled with this question
So as honest as I can be, I answer
You know what
I was told once by a really good friend that the memories of that night will always return, for the rest of my life but that I need to think of what I have. That I'm here that I'm alive and that I am in love, getting married and buying a property.
That yes it was scary and dark and gets to me in the most random of places
But that it's going
It is still early days and I know I have a close nit of people who are here for me

I thank the audience
I bow
And I walk off the stage
It will get easier
This will be my strength not my weakness