Ripped to shreds

I can't fix the problems in everyone's lives
although I once told myself I would
I promised myself I would make everyone smile however hard it was 
but I am starting to realise I cant always succeed in this

I don't remember much of myself as a young girl growing up
I do know I spent a lot of time alone and in my minds maze
I remember looking at people who looked sad and wanting to change it
I remember hearing people row and hating it
I remember just seeing the pain in peoples eyes and wanting to take it off their shoulders

I realise as I grow older, I am feeling heavier and I am looking tired
and I am struggling to hold up all that I have collected over the years
and when I look over my shoulder for that someone for me I realise I have pushed them all away
that I put too many people before me and now I leave myself with little 

I don't wish to regret one moment of my life but I do wish to explain the thoughts in my minds maze
I am tired of picking it all up, of caring all too much for those who just take take take
I don't want you all crying around me and pulling me down because I don't think this is fair
I don't want you blaming me for your mistakes or woes
and I don't want you putting your guilt into my soul

I have been through too many dark spells to have to keep revisiting them all with you
and I know that eventually you will find your clue
I love you but I now realise you don't need me 
and what hurts is the failure I feel I have left to contend with

such a young girl, with so many hopes of helping and sorting and caring for those I felt I could fix up for the new day ahead
it appears they just took it all for granted 
I see it and god knows it hurts deeper than you'll ever know
and I am not the kinda person to walk away without trying time after time I forget who I am

but I need to 
I need to just leave it
I need to accept that people will blame me and hate me and want me just stop
and I know I will struggle to do so
I say sorry when I feel in the wrong and I speak before thinking
but let me assure you all that my intentions were honest and I have never meant to hurt anyone

just a girl who felt it was her duty to help everyone she met
who saw behind the fake smiles and laughter
who took the time to hear you and listen and advise you
to be left with nothing for herself

not being selfish, just trying to salvage what I have left in this world...


Bo Bruce, " I had to let you go... but I just miss you..."