The Train.

Walking towards the station he was leaving from, 
the bags seem heavier leaving than they were when he arrived 
I am scared to look at him, to see his eyes, for I know he will show me the tears
the train would be here soon and I didn't know how to be
it was like my first day in my own body
the feelings were warped

it was getting colder as it was that time of year
the one when the gloves come out and the wind cuts you 
silence was all we could muster
silence was all we deserved

The train arrived and with it, it brought the leaves and hustle and bustles of lives
people were jumping out of every door, pushing past each other with their places to be 
rushing off to join the lives that were awaiting their arrivals
me and him just stood still, like statues, motionless even if our hearts were breaking
with a lump in my throat, I turned to him and wished him a safe journey
I handed him his bags as he stepped into the open door 
his life was awaiting his arrival and mine was here still
stiller than it had ever felt

Off blew the whistle and the train chugged off down the track
I could barely see his eyes as I strained to keep our lock as all the things I should have said and done crashed around my head
only 10 minutes ago, we had been walking towards the station
and now here I was leaving it alone
off back to my life 
him off to his... 

babbles

So he said don't you worry, keep your mouth shut up
don't care about the money, it doesn't even matter any more
just take all I brought you, and be happy that you can
and run so fast, you cant see me again
don't ask for forgiveness never was a strong point
just go now, please, just leave me before I change my mind

It's Nothing To Write Home About

Its nothing and it never was
the page was never written on 
I imagined the ink as it marked out the words together forever and I thought I felt the feelings
however, it was all just pretend and a way to kill time
and I am the one left with that look on my face
I am glad though, that I finally do know 
and although it is a kind of I told you so - I will finally pack up my shit and go go
I will look in the mirror and I will see the pain caused show in my eyes
I will see the tears I've cried for you glow in the dark
I will feel ashamed
I will wish it was a joke
I will pray nobody noticed

Its nothing and it never was
everybody wanted a piece of the cake that never existed
people would gather and laugh and joke yet the guest would never appear
the party would go on all through the night
people would drink and chatter
we would all say we were here, here to show them they were the most important
yet the most important made no effort at all to even open the door
even tell us that we mattered
just hear what you wanna hear
think what you wanna think 
believe in the fairy-tales and magic if you really want to
your choice right?

If it was how it should be, people would be honest from day 1 
not drag us around in this fashion so we can all think this and that
look stupid in the end
and feel that shame almost drown us
just you know.. be honest, say what we mean, mean what we say
I honestly don't wanna worry you 
but I felt this and had to divulge
it would just weigh me down otherwise
plus one day I hope to read it back and realise
that I am right, was right and will remember this insight
Fuck You - to all those liars out there, those people who couldn't really give a shit
I really couldn't care about your lives any more.

Safe

Take my hand
hold me up
pretend for a moment I am a child again
remember the crossing of roads
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross

Take my hand
lead me there
tell me that the fears aren't real
remind me of my strengths

Please don't let go 
I am needing you
I am relying on you today

To be a child again
never a pain worth noting
just the bad people and the bad dreams
never the challenges of today
hands held tight
1,2,3 and cross
cross the road together
safely reach the other side 
with my brother and my mother
no harm done
take my hand..

Leaving

Take it all, don't even stop 
I want you to leave me with nothing
don't look alarmed, it's not like this is the first time really is it?
don't ever tell me you've been there
don't ever tell me you have truly cared
because here we are sat together and you can't even find the words to fix all the mess
the mess, I should add, you created

Wondering around the streets at night is something I often think about doing
I think that if I wonder long enough I might find the one thing I am looking for
You want to know what that is?
I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it
all I know is, I have yet to find it

I don't need the people who think I need them
I need the people that are the first things I think about as I wake
I want those that want to road trip with me till dawn

I know that they will always help themselves
they will take so many helpings it leaves nothing for anybody new
they take it all but want nothing
it is one of those things I have never understood

I work out sometimes so hard the body is left feeling numb
I turn the music louder to block you all out
I push myself so hard that sometimes I am surprised with my own capabilities
I always hit the target though, I never give up 
I am so much stronger than even I care to acknowledge
the mess, I should add, you created
but I left it with you - I walked away a long time ago 
Don't put your shit on my shoulders, I have enough to carry 

Taking the bags

Follow me to the door
help me compose myself like you did before
help me with my bags as I struggle with my tears
don't look at me too much, all I am showing is pain

When I say I love you believe it this time
please see me and watch me forgetting the wannabe
tell me that this was real and that all we had meant something to you
tell me that you will miss me and will think of me some days

Open the door and let in the night sky
the wind seems to have calmed since this day started
it seems to have relaxed with our rows and upset
it seems to be quiet, as we prepare to say goodbye for the last time

Taxi is waiting, the clouds are heavy above me
my heart has fallen apart with it all
you look at me and try to comfort me
I shrug you off me, I cant have something, I need all of it or none of it