Sometimes it feels like a memory
Like it's not even real
Like it came in a dream one night
And each evening it replays the reel
The tape can't be damaged
It can't be stamped out
It doesn't matter how hard I try to break it
That dreams light will never go out.
Somedays I don't even remember and those days to me are a treasure
Until other days I can't escape it
And the tears fall for what seems, forever
It's not like I am feeling sorry for myself
And its not like I want it to change back
It's just that it's not easy, that's all
Knowing they have all left and aren't coming back.
I sometimes feel alone
I sometimes want to scream so loud
Other days the tears stream down
And I need to allow them to, to let it out
I hope with time, it gets less shit
Especially when it hits me hard
Say its a warm day and I want to invite them over
Or a film is out I want us to see
I know this is life and the best thing is change
But it still hurts
Like a bruise below the skin
It may not be discoloured anymore
But it's there
And if I forget, I'm reminded
So for now I shall document my pain
Knowing one day I will read this back and it will be better.
I will be stronger and the distance will be OK
For now, however it still hurts me
I know I have good people around me
But this is family
Blood is thicker than water
I miss them
I won't deny it
I won't shy away from my feelings
But hope that one day, the pain that feels like my weakness, turns into my strength.
