The songbirds that broke the nightmare

This morning I woke with a pain in my heart
For I knew what I had to do
I was tired with it all and sick of the act
And I'd of done anything to of not got up at all

But I sit here as I get myself ready to leave
I hear the morning birds singing
It reminds me of a younger age
A time far away in my memory bank
This sunshine bright and the ground wet
Playing army in South Wales 🏴󐁧󐁢󐁷󐁬󐁳󐁿
Monmouthshire specifically
Running around on my half terms with my siblings and friends
Playing with sticks
Getting my wellies muddy
Literally no pain
No worries
Just life and adventures

It helps me to remember life is more than this
This cloud has followed me for a long time
This cloud has stolen the light
This cloud is soon to blow over
It can't take anymore of me
I won't let it
That younger child was not a walk over
In fact she was more matter of fact
She wouldn't let this happen to her
I know I'm a good teacher
I know I'm a good person
I came into this life to make a real difference
People won't take that from me
They've taken the excitement of owning a home
The excitement of my hen do
That's enough now
Times up
Whistles been blown

This is personal
This is real
Those birds have reminded me of who me is
I am strong
I am resilient
I don't have long left till I find out
So ill make the most
I'll change lives
Ill bring the lessons alive

It's what I used to do
My imagination was amazing as a child
I used to have friends who wanted to play my games
I am proud of who I am
I am proud of who I was
I've never backed down

Thank you birds
Your songs are beautiful
Just like life... Beautiful

Some times..

Some times
The moments just slow down
The room gets warm and I find peace
Those times are precious
Those times are soothing for the soul

Those times are rare now in my 30s and when they are here, I adore them

Goodbye.. New chapter awaits

I remember the day
It was the first month of a new year
I turned up with cars in abundance bags and clothes
I even walked some around the streets
It was my fresh start
new start
noone would know me here


After a few days my princess moved in
I was a lady and her cat and I was proud
She needed me and I had her and life was perfect

A year had passed and I had furnished my house really well
I owned so many appliances I felt great

The flat was always my haven
my go to
I used to rush here, run here, lock myself away here
It was my safe place
I would sit on weekends and watch the world go by
I used to hide here
Me and Joey against the world
Wrapped up in my comfort and my house

I was only ever renting but I was so home proud
I would host meals
I did Christmas dinner here for my family one year
I proposed to my fiancee here
I nearly lost myself here
I have cried laughed, screamed and been overjoyed here
I fell in love here
and all the way my cat has been by my side here
It was mine and Joeys home
And in time P completed the family here
We have had BBQs here and parties and film fests and hangovers

I am currently sat here
Our lives are boxed around me
The sun is bright outside the windows and its a clear day
no snow
and no rain.. for once
We are in single figures for the days and nights left here

My brain is busy hustling and bustling all of my memories
They are screeching passed me at a rate
I can barely grab them quick enough before they disappear into the night
But I will always hold them close to my heart

7 years since I lived in this neighbourhood
and we are leaving soon
I will miss it
I have loved and enjoyed it here
I am not leaving forever,
But I just wanted to document it

I never thought I would be a homeowner
I never thought I would be happy in love
I never thought I would be getting married
Who knew, life could surprise you so much

Give you so much

Putting out the trash

And should I want more time
And should I wish for days more
And what if it is possible
And what if its not
And what if people don't see
And what if people miss it
And what if I'm trying my best
And that's not enough
And what if then its over
And what if I can't cope
And what if I fall poor
And what if I'm then broke
And what if no one can help me
And what if its the end
And what if I go backwards
And take the shit jobs again
And what if my argument doesn't win
And what if I cry so hard
And what if I feel like begging
And what if its not enough
And who makes decisions like that anyway
And who is capable of breaking hearts
And who is capable of damaging dreams
And who has no conscience at all
And what ifs can take you on a wild ride
And what ifs can be upsetting
But I just wanted to offload
The thoughts in my mind circulating
Take me to my favourite beach
Leave me on the sand
Let me breathe in deep the sea
And close my eyes and mind
Let me lift my arms up high
And scream so loud it hurts
For this is my favourite place
And forever it will be mine