times of reflection

I would rather someone I love, be happy with somebody else, than be unhappy with me....


Sexuality does not define an individual


I will be who I am and be happy, than be whatever people dictate and be unhappy...

Life is so quick, people have destiny's and sometimes its horrid to know you cant save people from their own.


RIP Tom Hanley
RIP Linda Bakewell


May you both rest in peace now

There are those people...

Who are just not worth it...


and then there are those, that are....




You choose! 

I have never pretended to know anything more than anybody else

I just talk about my feelings and how I view the world

&& how my world shatters and how it builds itself up

&& how some individuals are still missed even today... several months on... just because of how they saw the world

&& how it challenged my ideas and I think now about how I'd do a lot to get it back...

 but then i remember that it is reality and not a fantasy,

&& that me wanting and thinking things doesnt change it,

that the time has passed,

that those are now just memories 

every painful thought

every single wish, 

I miss so much... the reason I type this tonight is for two reasons, after work I went for drinks with a really good friend of mine and we spoke about so much in life present and past 

But then I went to catch my bus home and saw this guy, not someone i speak to now but he is a huge part of my childhood, and we now have an added memory of a fallen soldier (mutual friend) too

I was saddened and reminded of days because he was on my train.. the first day I travelled to Leamington Spa.. and it was odd... because when I saw him this time, I was like wow how random here is me, out of my circle of comfort and here he is... small world

&& tonight when i saw him waiting for the 241 bus, looking tired as you do on a friday night... and me there tipsy... I just felt a huge feeling of want... 

I wanted to be back on that train... 

But like I type before... this is when I realised I was in reality... not fantasy...

Good night

Remember..

it is one thing here,
and it is something you have to remember...


I wont tell you over and over, 
I wont write it on your wall,
You will remember it now as I type it to you...


It is of huge importance,
It is necessary to move on 
Are you ready to hear the truth?


Don't get all defensive over this,
Don't pretend you can't hear me,
Like I say 
I will tell you this one time.


I don't wish to have to repeat myself again,
That annoys me
Loud and clearly stated


REMEMBER THIS!


People can be whoever they want to be, 
They can create this reality for you
They can make you believe
They can make you fall for them
They can make you trust them with everything you are
They can meet your family
They can be your friend
They can share your secrets
Hear your stories
Tell you they love you
Make love to you
and so on....


REMEMBER them for what they are when it is over
REMEMBER how they made you feel the second they changed their mind
REMEMBER that is wasn't fake but it is no longer here


Remember them for what they actually are... in the end.... when the curtain closes,
When the lights go out,
That moment you can't catch your breath
That memory you quieten when you are trying to sleep and look forward to your life.. 


When you go to sleep alone, 
When you look over at that bare side of your bed 
Don't feel low because of what was
Remember what is and be thankful for it


Be thankful that you saw the truth eventually
However awful, however painful, however shameful
It is there, this is them now, this is you now... 


Like I said, don't ignore this... 


I won't tell you again... 




When you are ready.... You will get up and find somebody new.... Until then, enjoy your own time and company....

well to be on-line is such a luxury!

Hiya people...

missed me? I know you have.. i was being bugged by a load of you, ok a few..... OK one!! but one is more than non right???

So how are you all?? I am pretty superb... I am in love again... it is an amazing feeling I must say... kept it to myself these past months but f it!! :D

Me and my flat have been together since Aug 19th and its going really well, I have spent well over a £1000 since I moved in :D


Life is pretty mental... in every way.. you know me... drama drama drama!!! Right?!

But on a serious, I am pretty happy, searching and building on my confidence after someone blew all that work to the ground.. but yeah onwards and up up up
I do have a big ole' old school crush and I love it... to have this feeling means I am still alive emotionally which is always great news after a break up right???

Internet is back, I have written so much since my last blog but I will be mean and keep that for my diaries...
Maybe upload one of the poems someday soon


Take it easy readers...
So many views but here is the new shindig to read on up!!! :D


Muchos Love xxxxxxxxxxx