My Faith is in the Stars

What will become of the people
When you sit and watch them from a distance
As you watch, they think they are alone
You see the look in their eyes
The pain in their souls
They look tired
but the word tired has never meant enough
When I watch, they start to talk to themselves
They seem frustrated by the day
by the week
by their existence
They seem to be crying out for help in their silence
They look so lost in this crowded world
They look worried
They look concerned for the future

I keep wanting to show my head
Give my cover up, show them I'm there
I want to tell them that they will be OK
That they have so many people around them
That they will never be alone

But they are proud people
they are traditional
They do not look for assistance
They do not take help
If you offer they will snap
If your arm reaches out, then they will bite

I watch in a helpless state before I can not let my eyes see anymore
I store it in my mind for a quiet time
I do not wish to divulge anymore
For I know what I see
I trust my eyes, for they can see more than I will ever see
They see it first, then drip feed enough to me


I put my soul into the hands of destiny
I put my faith in the stars
I wish at night for all the happiness
for all these people I see with the pain
I hope the day comes where tears aren't spilled
I hope that in time they move on
That they recover
That they smile
That they relax
That they become the person I know them to be
In time
All we have is time
All we can give is patience
It has been a long wait
but I am not done yet

Hindsight who?

Not alot can be said about getting older
Until hindsight rears it's head
For when you are younger you have no real reality on what's going on
Not really
You understand that you are in school for 5 days and off for 2
You know you have to get up early and grab a bus
You know that your mum and dad work but you don't really know what they do
You sit in lessons where sometimes you haven't got a clue
You have friends and enemies and they take over your thoughts
You watch television and get lost in fantasy people
You idolise singers and learn all their songs
You collect the latest trends
You demand pocket money
You do house chores for more
You want a job at 13
You start saving up for magazines
You think celebrities are the gods
You become hormonal
You start having serious feelings and you think you are the only one
You want to move out
You hate your parents
Now you love them
You row with siblings
You become competitive
You have no real understanding on how important education is
You wish you'd listened more
You wish you'd tried harder
You wish the feelings you had for someone hadn't affected your grades so much
You wish you wish
You coulda shoulda woulda
If only you knew what you know now, you vow you'd have done better
You tell everyone you didn't try hard enough, that life was messy
That growing up gay was hard
But you didn't mutter
You didn't tell a soul
You would just stutter when your crush was near
You agonised over it
You buried it but it appeared the second you blinked
Like hiya it's me, your sexuality
Oh if only you knew what you know now, then
Oh what a life eh
Not a lot can be said about getting older
Now 30 and still feeling 20
Responsibilities have grown
But life is still fun
Still exciting
I'm still growing
At 50 I'll look back
Hindsight will rear it's ugly head and be like oh what if you'd done better bla bla
Truth is
I did what I did
I do what I do
I make it up with no real understanding of not being here one day
I know it happens
But I'm too busy living
Hindsight is a wasted emotion and thought
Because you did it your way
Reacted to life at that moment
Not thought about it, paused time planned out different outcomes then chose
No life is like that
Only in films
Anyways rant over
Just a moment of sharing
And a quick F U to Hindsight
Ta ra xx