Revelations.... Complications

Would it be easier to carry on lying
pretending this has all been a bit of fun n games
act like this is how I like to be with people
like this isn't hard for me too


Like I do it to create
like I do it to make you hate me
sometimes I do wonder why but I cant help it
I have slipped into the same old behaviour and it seems to fit me
I don't want to but I am falling into it
I am disappearing now though
the me that I'm not 
the me that you wish and dream of me being


I wont pretend I don't care
because I always have
I like em 
I want to be their mate
I wanna make them happy and I know that i do
But its me you see
I just cant be that me
I just cant pretend its all A OKAY
when its anything but


I cant create the butterflies
I cant create the wants and needs
I cant stop the tears from gathering in my eyes as I contemplate the maybe




I don't want to hurt you 
I hate making you feel disappointed
but I know deep down this is it
I can like em - sure
I can laugh at their jokes
look pretty on their arm
get low on the dance floor and try hard to show 
the feelings I know you should have
that I don't 
that I pretend
that I fake
till it aches
till I hate 
to look at myself in the mirror
that all I see is fake and lies 


terrified
scared to be the me that I surely will be 
the me that is still me 
I don't change 
I am still me
just honest
truth 






revelations complications 
acceptance
was denial
not to anybody really but me
hiding the me
making me be the she that you dreamt of me
but to me this is me
I am just trying to find it
fit it so it feels nice
and normal
and easy
and not queasy




this is all I wanted to say tonight




2MRW I have Liverpool!!! 


I am so lucky!!!