All part of the big plan..

So they say, 
it is all meant to be how it is, to every last second, that this and that and the other were all meant to happen in order for us to be where we are today.
I mean it could just end it all if we were given to option to take certain parts out, couldn't it? Have you ever seen the butterfly effect, with Ashton Kutcher?? 


If we were to change that one awful time in our life, the rest of our lives that played out after would all change to, you know? Like you gotta have it all or none, and to have none means to give up and to give up is not part of the big plan....




The big plan I believe is just to keep trying, to keep looking up at the sky and hoping and dreaming of that one thing you desire... today was such a weird day for me, I was doing things to form the future but also discussing things from the past, and it all kinda spilled out over the edges, and I had to let my tears out... I wasn't crying for me, I was crying for somebody else, somebody I care for so much which is mad as we haven't known each other all that long.... 


See we can't reject life experiences is what I said, like I have written on here before, every experience transforms us each time, like a layer we take with us, or in the way I state it, a scar... a scar that we wear to remind ourselves of the past, whether that past is positive or negative... these two need to be taken hand in hand... you can't expect life to be all peachy, just because its easier that way or you'd prefer it... we gotta have that shiz to notice the good.


I know that everyone has a story, everyone has that moment in their lives that they actually think, can I cope with this? Should I give in now as I can't deal any more... and in the majority of cases, we are able to find that strength... but I also think that this strength is in all of us, it is the strength we reach for in the winter mornings, when your alarm goes off for work and you'd do anything to stay in bed for just one more hour, its that strength that you use when opening that jar of Marmite as its gotten all hard and stuck but you really want it on toast... its the strength you grab when your friend has had bad news and you need to pick him or her up from the ground they have fallen too... but I also think that if somebody out there is lost in this search for strength and really feels alone, you need to spare some of your own, and reach out to this person.




I don't really think too deeply about all this big plan stuff on a daily but tonight I was sat watching TV and it hit me, how all that happens happens, and we all get on in the best way we know how... but that people out there have it worse, have it more recently or are dealing as I type this and we need to remember to be there for them also... bring them along the road with us... don't let them stray.






It was as if the walls had fallen around me for that moment,
I felt utterly bare and naked before your eyes as they starred back at me,
I felt like I couldn't hide my vulnerability,
Like even if I'd tried you would have seen through it,


I had not ever thought this would happen so soon after the last,
That I would be so capable of forming sentences from words,
That my mind would let me talk my thoughts and that somebody would unravel them,
I never let myself give up though...


We just continued with this role-play we had found worked for us both,
This life that we enjoyed and that led us through it all,
I believe although at first it was difficult, 
The timing has actually been spot on.


I won't ever need to worry now when the day turns to night, 
That I'll be lying in my bed and tears will stream, 
As although we are only friends now,
It has built those walls back up around me,
I feel the strength to carry on planning and living,
I know we were meant to be what we are, 
&& I do hope I can do the same for you.




Thanks for letting me vent this tonight... 


TC -x-