I wont lie to you tonight
I cant remember feeling so trapped and tight - my heart feels gripped hard and I am just trying to prevent the pain and the blood from leaving and leaving me heavy and lost
moments of complete madness where you surprise yourself with your own actions
and the words that leave your own lips leave you cold in utter panic
and you see the history repeating itself and you just want to disappear, your shadow to swallow you up quickly so that person will think they imagined it and that you didn't and you hadn't and it was all still the same
but no, don't be daft that would mean it was a happy ending and this wasn't, and it just doesn't seem to end well these days...
history repeating itself, this is a well known phrase these days, just triggers you all to think we don't ever really learn
So I sit here tonight and I feel bored with what the world seems to spit out these days, and I worry that I am living it with such little bliss, and I wonder what I could have done if this, and that and the other and then I just shush it right off, and I believe all direction was correct and that actually it is all a-OK and that you just all look for the things you don't have in others, and you struggle accepting yourself because you aren't the same as the next person, and you struggle to let people move on as that means that it is actually over and that would mean that something went wrong and sometimes defeat is the worst thing and feeling in the world- because it just reminds you of the past and in turn - history repeating itself
and you remember the tears as they fell like rocks and smashed up the world you had then and you think to yourself how did i ever get through that - but I stop you
you did and you have and you need to trust
Trust you utter shit, trust so hard its funny, without it you wont enjoy much...
Like a lecture I type this out and I will remember it and I will stop the moaning for now as I realise the issues now and I know the pain that was and know it wont just throw itself at me again carelessly
Just gotta go with it, things change, fcuk it, that's life... what can anyone tell ya really!?
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