Bliss

Take me back to the day when I genuinely thought I would experience life as one
Take me back to a time I thought I could never move on
Where I felt all I'd ever had, had been

Life has been all I ever wished for
Secretly in my thoughts
I always believed I would meet my soul mate
Meet the woman to make living more worthy
To make my days exciting
Make the memories meaningful
Make the fears soften

Someone who would make my smile real
Give me smile lines
Take away the hard exterior
The clown face
The real me would eventually be the only me
I would become happy in my own skin
The skin would fit
There she was
PGF-E

The light was lit
It has been lit since we made sparks fly on social media
On dating sites
In pictures
In messages
On phone calls
On trains
In cafés, France, Cornwall, the bothy, Wales, Upton, lanzarote, to name a few
We clicked so much I felt so relaxed
So unfake
So real
So at home

Engaged
Then booking a wedding
Counting down days
Stressing out with planning
Saving for our own house
Moving in
Days away
Getting married
My favourite day ever
All I ever wanted
Even stressed she soothed me
She calmed me down
Know her thoughts before she's spoken
She finishes my sentences
Adore her
Love her deeper than I've ever thought possible
She's my favourite part of every day
A future to build
Over two years of memories already
Honeymoon to look forward to
So much to be happy for
Thank you P
You are my perfect
All my wants and needs are wrapped up in you
My life is blissful
Take me back to my teenage self
Tell her to be patient
Tell her eventually she will find herself
Her trueself
The girl who loves girls
The girl who will find her girl
The girl will bring all your dreams to reality
P was my destiny
Created a pathway together and now we are walking down in hand in hand
Calm and happy
Thankful
Neither of us gave up
And there she was
My heart is so full
..

Sun sun sun

Sun sun sun
Thank fuck you're back
Spring baby needs those blue skies and finally after too long you are back
Chuffed
Beer on the go
Bose playing the tunes
Life is this

The songbirds that broke the nightmare

This morning I woke with a pain in my heart
For I knew what I had to do
I was tired with it all and sick of the act
And I'd of done anything to of not got up at all

But I sit here as I get myself ready to leave
I hear the morning birds singing
It reminds me of a younger age
A time far away in my memory bank
This sunshine bright and the ground wet
Playing army in South Wales 🏴󐁧󐁢󐁷󐁬󐁳󐁿
Monmouthshire specifically
Running around on my half terms with my siblings and friends
Playing with sticks
Getting my wellies muddy
Literally no pain
No worries
Just life and adventures

It helps me to remember life is more than this
This cloud has followed me for a long time
This cloud has stolen the light
This cloud is soon to blow over
It can't take anymore of me
I won't let it
That younger child was not a walk over
In fact she was more matter of fact
She wouldn't let this happen to her
I know I'm a good teacher
I know I'm a good person
I came into this life to make a real difference
People won't take that from me
They've taken the excitement of owning a home
The excitement of my hen do
That's enough now
Times up
Whistles been blown

This is personal
This is real
Those birds have reminded me of who me is
I am strong
I am resilient
I don't have long left till I find out
So ill make the most
I'll change lives
Ill bring the lessons alive

It's what I used to do
My imagination was amazing as a child
I used to have friends who wanted to play my games
I am proud of who I am
I am proud of who I was
I've never backed down

Thank you birds
Your songs are beautiful
Just like life... Beautiful

Some times..

Some times
The moments just slow down
The room gets warm and I find peace
Those times are precious
Those times are soothing for the soul

Those times are rare now in my 30s and when they are here, I adore them

Goodbye.. New chapter awaits

I remember the day
It was the first month of a new year
I turned up with cars in abundance bags and clothes
I even walked some around the streets
It was my fresh start
new start
noone would know me here


After a few days my princess moved in
I was a lady and her cat and I was proud
She needed me and I had her and life was perfect

A year had passed and I had furnished my house really well
I owned so many appliances I felt great

The flat was always my haven
my go to
I used to rush here, run here, lock myself away here
It was my safe place
I would sit on weekends and watch the world go by
I used to hide here
Me and Joey against the world
Wrapped up in my comfort and my house

I was only ever renting but I was so home proud
I would host meals
I did Christmas dinner here for my family one year
I proposed to my fiancee here
I nearly lost myself here
I have cried laughed, screamed and been overjoyed here
I fell in love here
and all the way my cat has been by my side here
It was mine and Joeys home
And in time P completed the family here
We have had BBQs here and parties and film fests and hangovers

I am currently sat here
Our lives are boxed around me
The sun is bright outside the windows and its a clear day
no snow
and no rain.. for once
We are in single figures for the days and nights left here

My brain is busy hustling and bustling all of my memories
They are screeching passed me at a rate
I can barely grab them quick enough before they disappear into the night
But I will always hold them close to my heart

7 years since I lived in this neighbourhood
and we are leaving soon
I will miss it
I have loved and enjoyed it here
I am not leaving forever,
But I just wanted to document it

I never thought I would be a homeowner
I never thought I would be happy in love
I never thought I would be getting married
Who knew, life could surprise you so much

Give you so much

Putting out the trash

And should I want more time
And should I wish for days more
And what if it is possible
And what if its not
And what if people don't see
And what if people miss it
And what if I'm trying my best
And that's not enough
And what if then its over
And what if I can't cope
And what if I fall poor
And what if I'm then broke
And what if no one can help me
And what if its the end
And what if I go backwards
And take the shit jobs again
And what if my argument doesn't win
And what if I cry so hard
And what if I feel like begging
And what if its not enough
And who makes decisions like that anyway
And who is capable of breaking hearts
And who is capable of damaging dreams
And who has no conscience at all
And what ifs can take you on a wild ride
And what ifs can be upsetting
But I just wanted to offload
The thoughts in my mind circulating
Take me to my favourite beach
Leave me on the sand
Let me breathe in deep the sea
And close my eyes and mind
Let me lift my arms up high
And scream so loud it hurts
For this is my favourite place
And forever it will be mine

A chapter

Tonight we got the news
It was breathtaking
I was sat there with P and my heart was pounding
In a good way
Signature after signature
Explanation after explanation
I didn't know the drill
But I enjoyed it.
It was snowing outside as it does in Feb lol
Felt surreal
We drove home with our thoughts hitting the windows
So much to digest
We had a move in date
Electric
Walking into the house and all I could see was how it was all unboxed
We didn't know it would happen so quick
As I write I remember my last big move
The flat was empty and my mate said have a minute
I walked through each room
Bare walls
No furniture
No life left
And I felt saddened for the end but excited for the future

Life was changing
It has so much since P
It's got exciting
No more humdrum
I feel like we met each other and it all made sense
We both got what we wanted and needed
The bells are ringing soon
I can hardly express into words my thoughts on that
That will be another night

Thus far called all companies and told the landlord
Feel guilt but pure excitement too
I can remember when I first moved in
It was so exciting
Another chapter and it just evolves
It will be ours this time
Mine and Pz
Loved and happy
Secure and excited

A new page
A new chapter
Wish us luck
The packing will commence