Heating is not needed today
For today you are leaving
The bags piled high in what was once a happy love filled room
The clothes strewn on the bed as you decide what you want right now and what can wait
The cats sit in boxes on the floor watching you
Tears fall
This has got to be a joke right
Sick little joke that no one laughs at
Just awkward silence filling the air
But no, no it’s not
It’s real
The rings that once sat around my fingers showing devotion and commitment are now boxed up and cold
The fingers look bare and alone
Like I felt those nights before the final sentence was given on our whole relationship
The history was not even given in evidence
It was just decision made and case closed
No desire to fight for it
No desire to change the sentence or even negotiate
You were done and the finality of it all was so cold, so stern and so emotionless
I have spent some time building my heart and mind back up
Like my life hasn’t been tough enough after the big C crashed the party last year
Leaving behind a tumour that would threaten my life
With treatment that would push me to the brink
With insomnia and pain being the shadow that followed me for days and weeks after
But no you had more up your sleeve
Like the magic show turn horror
You had more to serve
The end of a marriage and a life I had come to rely on so heavily through all these chaotic paths I was being led upon
I could barely catch my breath at moments
They would drag me from my gravity and hurl me into such dismay
Those two beauts looking at me with questions
My cats were my crutch through it all
Those long days that never ended, in pain and isolation were warmed by their presence
And now I’m without that
I sit with my whole life in boxes and bags
Charity aplenty as I shed my past
As I shed my skin
As I rebuild my heart and soul
As my gut screams loud with I told you so
The lights from cars break my stare
The lights in my garden which once brought some peace, now bring fear
For I am now to rebuild
Rebuild in my weakest chapter
Rebuild as my body fights this illness
Rebuild my life
Choose my new home
Choose my new life
Find myself once more
I know I will
My higher self always had my back
She has never left my side
I do not feel alone because I am not
This is a fight for my life
A fight for my smile and happiness
My heart will be ok
My family gather together and protect me
They collect me and my possessions and they fit them in
They create the security and protection that I want and need
They hug me tight
They give me the warmth and support that I always needed
That I always had
My pooches will be with me soon
My life is in build mode
I have unlimited choices
When one door closes
Another becomes ajar
I will be ok
I trust in my creator
And that creator is me
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