I can see the room
I am sat waiting to go in
What are we even here for anyway
Fucks sake it’s just so little time in the grand scheme of it all
You stand there in a kitchen having what feels like such a chilled out irrelevant conversation and then bam it’s the last you ever had
I can’t even tell you how I should feel
Closest relative I’ve ever lost
If I’m really honest
A father in law is like a second Dad
When my Dad fell Ill it’s what gave me comfort
He was my “second” Dad
I sit here and I feel gutted
And I still feel numb
6months on
From the heightened emotions of the calls and the waiting
The calls from hospital with the updates
Phones in lessons as I waited for a text
Updates of good and bad and oxygen levels
From nowhere
All the time thinking how the fuck is this even happening?
Daylight isnt the same
Holidays
We used to arrive in a place as a couple and call him
Tell him about the camper or the weather or journey
Any concerns on the vehicle or direction
We got abroad in April and I wanted us to call him
Tell him about the flight or the wait at passport control
Hear his annoyance at the system but also give us that support
See he never had emotional sentiment but everything he did was just that
Some people say I love you
But Roger was helpful and involved
What we said mattered
He wanted us to know so much
Information was his fortee
It still doesn’t feel right
Nothing feels complete
Keep looking for the emptiness in our existence
He left such a gap
A gap that cannot be filled
We just paint over the cracks hoping no one notices the elephant in the room
He wasn’t perfect but what he brought is missed
It’s hard to forget such a force of nature
My wife’s idol
My father in law
Roger
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