What do you know

You aren't me
You have no idea how this feels
I can't even make sense of it
In the mornings, I feel empty
I am always so tired and i think if it wasn't for P, id most likely spend the day in bed.
The days have fallen into one long never-ending sequence of events, of which most mean nothing
I feel good when I'm numb, and so busy because the thoughts quieten down and I can think

I'm so scared this is happening and worried i won't shake it.
I am impatient with its stay as it's been so long
The place which created it all presents flashbacks
Vile feelings hit my stomach and dread starts falling in
The room has no windows, yet water keeps on pouring
Thick and fast
It's creeping up my body, covering my arms
Pain is drenching my arms now and I'm frozen still
With fear and control from this place overwhelming
I can barely get my breath before my nose is also under water
I'm drowning and they won't stop
They are just unthreading me a layer at a time
All my hard work since my early 20s is being unravelled before me
I pass out
My heart is beating so fast  I'm surprised it's not burst through my chest
And then I wake up
I'm not dreaming
Not really
It's just showing its persistence and how it can get me in my unconscious
I'm away from that place
But it can  still affect me
I'm not winning  this fight
I'm struggling to find the energy
Not when my mind is being put through so much at night in my dreams and again as I wake

I'm reaching out  though
I'm not giving up yet
I'm still trying
Still believing
But  it's not easy
It's the weakest I've ever felt to be honest...