When one door closes, a window opens... it's time to climb through it

and if I told you it didn't hurt, I'd be lying
I would be just as bad as the others
If I just carried on hiding my feelings.. like they do

Truth is I am sad, saddened by the departure, saddened for the end
I know I was not the same person for a long time but I was at least a person
I had a reason to wake up
but I was changing and I didn't want to
I like the person I am and I didn't want to lose that

I tell you because I want someone to read the way I feel
I want you to remember why I left
I was losing myself
I wasn't as sensitive or as funny as I am
I barely let a smile slip from the fixed blank expression during my day
I came home exhausted from the sadness and utter dismay at being this way
I worked too hard at the gym I have damaged my body
I had rows over nothing and was becoming more and more detached

I wanted to be the girl who was happy, had it all
the house the family the friends and the job that wrapped me up in a smile
but it wasn't happening

I left, I walked out the door and I drank with these people who would miss me
I listened to them talk about the escapades of the place we were linked through and I felt upset that I would no longer be a part
but I can't fix on this
I couldn't be me
I couldn't be happy
I did it all for the right reasons 
and when that thought creeps up on me and tries to tell me different
I must remember this 
the truth
the way I feel

now I am free
looking for a fresh new start
a new place with new people and the chance to keep my smile fixed
and to remove this blank canvas

a toast, to my future
it starts now