Etched deep

waking up in the middle of the night and feeling it 
stretching and dressing and rushing out panicking - and feeling it
beneath my skin, behind my ribs, the reason I am breathing

days roll into weeks and before we know it months are flying
and the time just carries on ticking by in the background
and the lives just fall apart and make up and break up and end
and I am feeling it 

the words just dance in front of my face and you all have smiles and laughter
and I am seeing it 

etched in deep, like my tattoos
but no one can see them
and I rarely show them to myself


listening and worrying and the same old panics
the concerns they follow me around like my shadow
the drama like a bad smell
and I am fighting the pain and forcing the smiles
and picking myself up from the ground again

I handed in my notice
I told them I couldn't continue
etched deep is the loss of my own life
etched deep is the mourning of my wasted moments..

Waking up in the middle of the night, with the thoughts so strong on my mind
clogging up my head
my heart is choking... 
I loosen my fist, I feel the pressure ease off 
gently I accept it 
I don't wish it 
I don't need it
Etched deep...