Modern day lives

I'm here
I'm right here and you haven't even seen me
Is this life now? Don't enter the location and lose your friends?
They don't recognise me you see
I've been busy
I've been living and sunning and loving and they have been waiting
Waiting for our meet up
I sit down, I'm exhausted, work have me on this project and my brain is in overdrive
I'm sat there drink in one hand, phone in the other
Chatting out my excitement of life, of love, how I'm engaged and it's so right
How well the house is coming on and how happy life is making me
They, well they just sit there
It's like they have only just seen me arrive
There minds are lost back three blocks in some other town, trying to catch up on my route
The hours fly and I'm tired
They have said nothing
Not a mutter
Not a sigh or ounce of recognition
Waitress comes
Bills paid
Tips on the table in the metal plate
I'm up and out
Coat on
Bag and phone
I've left
What was that?
Is that life in 2016?
Is that a friendship?

Lectures about life

The time will stand still
Enough is enough
Your heart will erupt
To everyone's shock
Not a word will calm the storm which has brewed
For you have had enough and you can't shield your eyes
The tears are like acid as they sting down your face
The skin is like filo as it's scratched from the haste
Not a person can save you, it has reached every brim
The story got evil and got drenched in your sins
I won't scare you now though
As the sun has come out
Just know I feel pain too and sometimes I can't cope
Not a hug nor a kind word can fix the pain I feel
But your face it can heal overtime all I pushed through

Chelsea Rent Boy

I see his face
caught in the night
our eyes lock for that one moment
for that moment, I am paralysed

See, to anyone else he is a just a person
but to me, I see the pain
I see the hurt straining in his eyes
I see the help in his expression
I know this isn't the life he wants

I am helpless
He is lost

I turn away, when I look back
he is gone

Soppy Thoughts on a Easter Sunday

Catch me as I fall out of the sky on nothing but my heart strings
I want you to see the height I have climbed
look at how much I have changed

See me as I grow through my life and find the love I have always wanted
the love that set me free
the love that wraps me up in cotton wool
the love that became my shadow
the shadow I wont live without, cant live without
the love I found and the love I have now

See my smile, see how deep it goes
see the love in my eyes, the glaze over
the heart, watch it beat out of time as I see her
See how I talk about her
Watch me as I speak
Hear my voice, listen to the words I say

Best time of my life, This is the best time I have ever had
I document it to remember it
remember when my life changed
when the sky became blue
when the sun never went down


The voice she has speaks to my soul
it controls me
I need her, want her, love her
Everyday
All day
Any time
For all of my life.

a room with a door, and an ear

shut the door
you could be here a while and the cold is getting in
take a seat and just remain there for a moment
whilst we prepare

when they ask the questions answer them honestly
you have nothing to hide in here and they will know if you lie
sit and story tell, tell them of all the moments you'd had enough
had enough, and been pushed to breaking point
struggled with your existence and on occasion, tried to take it away
tell them of the happiness and the times your heart leaped from your chest with the love
tell them of despair, of the first funeral you went to, of the first time you failed something
when the class were bullies, when the teachers didn't take the time
when you hid, when you were scared, when you cried until it hurt
when you felt sick, and were sick, and witnessed sick events
pour it out
watch them sit in silence
stunned to the core
aching for you
don't stop though
don't say you've gone too far
there is no too far in this room
the room will let you say it all
the guilt you felt as a child when you did bad things
the guilt you felt as a teenager and the lies you regret

don't be wrong though
this is not a therapy, this is a way to commit to your truth
this is a way to seek forgiveness from nobody but yourself
as you type this and think back to years before you felt regret
deep embedded regrets for the lack of confidence in your own being
the complete anger you feel towards yourself because you couldn't stand up to yourself
you would see it in your eyes and feel it on your lips but you did nothing
you just sat and watched the lie manifest into a life and it became too big
the life became a darkness that you carried in to your everyday
it became the nightmares in your sleep
it became the shadows under your eyes
it became the tears, it became the disgust as you put yourself through the things that you hated
it became the dirty secret
it consumed you
take a breath, take it in deep, calm yourself, sit back down you are scaring the room
you need to remember that it is ok now, its too late but the time has gone
you cant do a thing to change the been
you can only mould the now, and dream for the future
let it go now, stop holding on to it
stop reminding yourself as its ok, it doesn't matter any more
it has been
sign this off with a closure
a real deep heart felt closure
hang up the coat of past and shut it in the room down at the bottom of the stairs
leave it there until another time
another life time
you cant change it so don't waste any more time on it
stand up, thank them for there time and leave the room
close the door behind you
you will let the cold in

Our town, our secrets

Stumble on down to the town
Meet me at our place
Bring the secret with you
I will be on time
Like I always am and you, you will be late as you always are
We will be excited and nervous and sneaky in our appearance

This has been our game since our younger years
And we always enjoy it
No one ever knows it and we keep it that way

The town is full of love tonight
The laughter can be heard from the hill tops
Everyone is happy and it shows
We have never left this place
And we vow we never will
Some things just can't be changed
Shouldn't be changed
Won't be changed

Twists and turbulence

Should they ask who I am
Tell them who I was
Tell them back in the day I mattered
If the name rings a bell
Tell them I'm swell tell them I've moved on and I'm happy
Don't tell them of the sadness
Or of the confused thoughts
Or of the lost in the darkness
Tell them I'm strong and able and free
And how I have bettered myself

I lie in my bed at night
And the whole world just spirals
I feel sick with the movement of woes
I can't see past it
And I'm scared for my future

I try everso to keep up
Keep my smiles strong
Keep my head held high
Ignore the bad words
The vile vibes
the people who don't matter
It's tough
It drains
I'm tired
Turn out the light
Let me rest
Just for a moment
Let me close my eyes and float away