And then what

Am I supposed to just carry on like it’s fine

Is it supposed to be fine

I can’t fucking tell anymore

But I know I’m exhausted 

And I know for the most part this just makes me feel crappy

I didn’t expect this nor do I want it again

But sometimes in life this is all we actually need

Just that pick me up

That feeling of being needed

The attention even

But for how long until that spell goes out 

Until I am left just feeling abused on some floor in the middle of nowhere

I can’t tell anyone 

No one would understand 

They never do

Our minds our own worlds

They are not for the faint hearted 

They are not to be understood or explained

They are just instant pictures and messages like an over subscribed Snapchat account

I don’t even understand the lingo anymore anyway

I don’t have the time to learn 

It just makes me feel old

Older by the year but still with a young heart

My cardiologist told me that at least

A young heart

One that is still capable of being bruised and hurt by people who do not understand my motive

Never a negative feeling 

Just a want to support and guide people

To the detriment of my own minds world

To the detriment of my own emotions

That battered bruised heart just sat there in a pool of pain 

Me just trying to find that last piece to a puzzle I created through inception

Knowing I could fix it

Knowing they knew I could fix it

Call me Bob the fcuking builder

I have so many tools

So much time for anyone but myself

Not in some self obsessed or please feel sorry for me bull shit

But because it’s how I am

Always have been 

I will help a stranger a friend or a foe

I will cross bridges of heights I feel scared of

I will dive into the depths of the watery hell that is my fear to catch your bracelet

I won’t give up

I cannot walk away

I have to be left

But with that being left leaves me emotionally damaged and in need of something new

Constant cycles of no real smiles 

But that feeling when I’m making a difference

That is the best feeling in the world 

I could climb so high

On the adrenaline of feeling alive

Necessary 

Needed

Asked for

Validation at the highest degree