It's weird to see blurry when you've had laser eye surgery.
But it is and it's painful and disorientating
I've hit low levels in my life time
Some levels are so low in my past I don't actually know how I found them
I know I'm not there
But this doesn't feel any better some days
It's the worst time to have this feeling
What with how life has been throwing us through shit as a nation this passed 12months
I almost feel guilt for having this feeling
The feeling I would describe as helpless
I feel helpless with my family
Helpless with my students and helpless with myself
I have always been such a strong force for people
My laughter and sarcasm keeps so many smiling and giggling
My humour never fails
But I just feel like I've been piling up plates for so long now
Piling them up so high, not even seeing them smashing in the floor below
The food is rotten on them and there is a feeling of neglect
I have never felt so numb yet in pain at the same time
My face would say I'm ok
This teaching world allows for this persona to almost become your everyday mask
I pick up the dishevelled students and fix them up and straighten out the creases repair the damage
Empower and inspire
But leave myself outside
The rain is falling and I'm shivering but not running for shelter
The numbness is paralysing me
It is soo strong but this work is just my mind blartin" the frustrations of life and managing emotions
I'm not running from anything but I'm sat with so many piles of plates I don't know where to start
The plates all have sentimental feelings and prowess so I cannot just bin it
What comes first though
I'm just empty
Not enough energy to muster it
All the marigolds and fairy but no water
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