Flooded with feelings

I've always been a strong swimmer
Yet my one big fear is drowning
Maybe we fear what we are best at

I feel recently like the room I am in
Is without light
And without a door
There's a tap and no sink and the walls are made of rubber
I'm in normal attire and nothing else is with me
There are simple pictures on one wall filled with views of the sea, and flowers blossoming wildly in fields
On another wall is all I have experienced in my life
Including words, drawings video clips, diary entries and these little poems/blogs
Then on another is a wall I struggle to look at for long
Not long before tears streak my face and dampen my clothes
For this wall is my family home
All of the events in a time line
From the beginning of choosing the room that would encase my childhood and early adulthood life
Brimming with feeling and adolescence and youth
Hidden cigarettes and wine and sandwiches as a child
The room with a view
The timeless view of life from up high and all angles
Then as you run through it you see my family
Our bunch of life
The adventures we have endured whilst existing within an encasement of memories
Cats and Christmas and new cars
Parties and bouncy castles and homework
Music and the amersion and dial up internet
Pot pourri, clean washing loads of shopping deliveries and birthdays
Sleepovers hangovers and sometimes rows
Sibling rivalry
Birthday cake
Roaring fires
Eastenders at Xmas
Pretty flowers, bbqs, music that brought laughter and tears
Late night conversations with a shot glass in tow
The radio Times, posh glasses, traffic outside
Bunkbeds, waiting for the bathroom, sharing beds, singing, laying the table on a Sunday,
Warm and cosy
Tall and massive
Fireworks over the road
All using the gym at one point
A new bike leant against a wall
A basketball hoop
Being timed on the computer and the phone
Emptying the dishwasher
Decorating the Xmas tree
Polishing our set room
Thunderstorms on our first night
A garden to be proud of, a house to adore
Always life in every room
Life in every inch of this plot of land which was ours
Shining down on us with pride and happiness
Encouragement to do what we can with our lives
Never give up

Life is forever changing and I can hardly keep up
But I know that I have had a brilliant 25years in a house full of opportunity
Advice and wisdom passed down by two amazing parents
Who have given their adulthood to provide for us and nurture us to be humans they are proud of
A sister who makes me proud with a nephew whom I adore
A brother who encourages me to keep fighting whatever the battle because we will always be the one left standing

We are on countdown now
Time is flying passed this room of mine and I need to let it
Not fight it and accept it
I was taught better..

I will beat these waves
Swim through all the pain it might cause and win the race