Future Gains

I need to find my path
the ground is trashed
I cant see in the dark
I keep falling over
knees all bloody
arms scarred
heart feels faint

I expect this time to pass though
I am always a half full glass girl
I will always get back up
no such thing as a lose in my fight
I always win
always succeed
I strive to complete every mission I set myself

This latest mission has left me weaker than ever before
as its a mission from my desire and dreams
the future I have longed for all my life
the ability to teach
to learn and educate myself to a level I am content with
to be a significant role in someone else's life
to be worthy
to be needed
to be loved

I want to be the girl I used to daydream about
the girl I see in the pictures of my childhood
the talent and raw confidence that I etched out over the years of turbulence
the feeling of never being enough will surely fade over time
the feeling will be shifted to a new positive and vibrant person
the person i keep locked away in my pocket
she can only visit me
she never stays
she is stuck in this life of pretense
of sales and targets and bullshit

it doesn't suit me
the clothes don't fit anymore
they never did
it was never my image
never my creation
just the wardrobe got dull
I didnt change with the fashion

No more
its my time now
my time now
my time
Now
I will get it

Thanks for letting me spill this