Bad Dreams

I wont be the last person to say this
but life is hard
I often sit alone at home when the day is just flying past me and I am just paralysed
I am unable to feel or move or even form a sentence and its scary.

The trouble with my sleeping habits has been a long battle
I am so tired from being tired
I often just lie there and think about everything
Don't do it
It opens up every can of worm that ever lived

Scared is something I feel from the dreams when I have finally passed into sleep
I am lost in these mazes of disbelief and fear
I am waking up in moods and I can't control them
I am fighting my own unconscious and its terrifying

Explain a dream, have you ever tried to?
People look at you like something they trod in
They are like they did what?
Chased you, killed you?
Dreams, what a laugh
we go to sleep to relax and yet I am dealing with it all over again

What is this life becoming?
I sit and I watch people walking passed my windows with there existence in tow
Me sat, just staring out
stuck in this rut
Surrounded by a house, I once loved and now? I cant stand it
I hate the sofa that once brought with it a comfort
The windows just let in too much light
the sun, annoys me

Is this negative?
I didn't want it to be
I wanted it to be a report of my current state of mind
the boggled and confused mind that I wake to
The reflection I don't recognise

Depression? Or just weakness
I don't have bad thoughts when in my normal day... much
I just feel so pulled apart
the directions being dragged are endless
my smile is true
but my eyes say worry and panic
I feel like a burden
My life feels like a burden