Grab a cuppa tea

Ask me who I am
Ask me how I feel
Do you believe my answers?
I am not hating on life but on circumstances
I don't understand why I can't be that way to
& why I have to be this way
Its like we are altogether one minute and I'm asked to change line, move group, stand with complete strangers who don't even know me
They don't understand why I dress this way or why I denied myself
They are so many levels higher than me
They are all happy
They have no doubts or fears in their minds and they just get on
I am stood there watching them, trying to copy them, being who I have been before... back when the truth reared it's ugly face, when it spat the words I've been running from for years
I couldn't go from copying one thing to copying another
I needed to just accept it calmly and be me.
To know that I have always been me
I was me every time I lay awake at night arguing with myself
When I couldn't commit like others did
When I didnt like it, like they did
When I realised I was faking it
When I would do anything to make them believe it
Push myself to the edge of my own comfort zone and keep pushing
When I would cry in pain and bewilderment at how far I was prepared to take it
When all this time I didn't mean it and I didn't need to
And that it was just what it is
I can't seek therapy to change it
No amount of praying will help
I just need to calmly accept it
Don't change
I've always been me
I'm still here but now with an opportunity to be really happy
Just ask me who I am
And I will answer with, I am kimface.
I am the way I am because that is who I am
No definition, no label, just me
I am just a little scared these days
Unfamiliar paths stand before me
Just be there for me
I need you all more than you'll ever know. ..