Not Ever Knowing

Don't try to keep me for I can't stay
don't try to catch me for I was never yours to own
For I was never here and you were just a figment of ones imagination
listen as I pace the room looking for the answers to your questions
trying to find the whys and struggling to find the whats'
but still continuing with the search

I never knew quite what I was to be to you
but I will repeat - I was never here and you were just a figment

I often look at the stone in which you are under
in my mind from memories kept and locked tight
I try so hard to muster the what you were like 
I wonder if like me you struggled to see the reasons behind 
all the moments and dreams that fly on by
I wonder what you would have said had you met me now
if this is normal and if that cloud - the one above that follows me 
will eventually leave me
and let me catch up on my sure to shine again glee.

I wont be scared any more I whisper
as I know not what I feared any more
I look hard at the pictures but
I struggle to read my own eyes 
the lies behind the glazed out expression
the lies behind the lies of truth
dare'nt say what I think 
take those thoughts with me 

not just a moment 
not just a life
not just a death or departure
but a whole secret of secrets 
lessons ill never learn
experiences ill never have
all taken with and buried 
6 foot under...

Don't try to keep me for I can't stay
don't try to catch me for I was never yours to own
For I was never here and you were just a figment of ones imagination