& then you wonder, what next??

what could possibly follow on from this year that draws to an end

12 months of every emotion possible mixed together with drama, love and lust

probably the biggest year as far as emotional growth and understanding and its still going by

there are so many places I wish I could revisit from this amazing 2011 

so many people I wish I could have one last chat with 

people bowed out on life this year and it was so sad to see it and hear about it

people got married

people split up

we all carried on 

what next? 

Well this is the time of year people frantically discuss new years resolutions

ones that last such little time but are given so much effort

I see things that hurt me everyday

that pull at my heart strings for silly little reasons

today it was when I was out for a meal with my family, 

an old lady sat with her family 

the old lady made me miss my nan

made me feel guilty for how little I see the one who is still here and miss the one who passed away

I have noticed that I am more in-tune to my own emotions, 

something that 18months ago I had shut down

I feel a lot more than I did back then

back then I ignored it and retaliated with anger and bitterness

I wasnt the devil or anything I was just lost and struggling in the dark for a while

I wish for so much

I wish for so many changes

I hope to be where I want to be 

So that this time next year I can say, wow look at me now

I have so much to give, just finding that one to give it to

Not in any rush any more,

No point chasing other peoples dreams 

Just because my siblings are in relationships and married etc doesn't mean I need to be

Finally been able to think that way... spent years trying to catch up 

realised it wasn't me I was being that way.

I am one of these go-getters though

I don't wait around for things to fall on my lap any more

I was dealt some winning hands this year

So pleased they happened and finally ok with how they ended

Not sure where I was going with this blog tonight, but I feel a little less pressure on my shoulders,

I feel like I have let it out and that I can sleep soundly tonight

Somebody was on my mind these past few days and it has been a little strange, 

But oh well, it is that time of year 

Comes by quicker every year

I am sure when we were younger it took months to get from the 24th December to Christmas day, 

Now it seems to flash by in a blink.

As for 2011, it wasn't what I thought it would be, it blew all my expectations through the floor, it gave me what I wanted and more 

Sad to be ending it alone once more but happy to be here... I will celebrate new year and welcome 2012, to be as we always say, - "The Best One Yet" :)

Good night xx