Grass is already green

I could never really say how much it has truly hurt

Not really for there are no words

No words that could create the blow that I felt as it all came crashing down 

I could never draw it either with any colour I could make, for the emotion could never truly be felt through any colour paint 

I have been left in mansions of despair where every corridor was darkened with memories of what used to be there 

No team spirit or shared trust, no till death do we part or I will always love you

I could never catch quick enough as my spinning plates crashed on down 

I can never forget how I felt 

But I moved away 

I was brought closer to family 

I was given a chance to live and love and heal 

I was taken to the sea and the waves they soothed me 

The vast views healed me 

I felt less alone

I was looked after, watered and fed 

I had comfort and compassion 

My once lonely existence was transformed 

As I grew stronger my world changed for the better 

My treatment got tougher but I felt stronger 

It has not been easy, in fact far from it 

It has been the most difficult chapter ever 

As my life is etched onto the page in ink that never stains or runs when it gets wet 

From my tears as they fall and memories are drawn and fear is real and nightmares are constant 

I sit and I watch as the days turn to nights and the sun sets on skies that glow 

The views could never be imagined for they outdo any fantasy 

Such beauty in the nature of this wonderful place 

But then comes fear 

Fear of missing out 

Fear of being stuck in this independent rut 

Fear of not meeting my tribe or my people

Fear of being so rural I’ll be lost forever 

Fear that I’ll be forgotten and single forever 

That I have no scene or community

No scene for me walk down 

No rainbow above the door 

No drag queen on the stage

But as I said before my grass is already green 

This grass is nurtured well and greener than any colour I’ve ever seen before

That scene is no more 

The doors have been closed and the boards have gone up

The streets are no longer full of connections 

But empty and bare

The rainbow is just a reminder on the streets of the times that could of been 

Businesses are closed and graffiti is present 

The new shift has moved in and the village is forever shaken 

To type this out right now and to know how I felt 

To know I had fear that I’d spend life on my own 

But fear not as I see that the grass is not greener 

The fence is an illusion and created by fear 

The fear is just words that encapsulates life

It gets tighter and tighter and cuts off the blood

It leaves you torn and bruised and scared 

But I see through it 

I see the truth 

I see the light 

I will be alright