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I talk about you more

Remember our little things 

The things only we knew 

Angela rayner from redditch 

The cat lingo 

Our little ways, the love language we had embedded into 8years

Never did make it to 10 did we 

I always thought we’d make it to forever 

That was before we changed 

Before life threw the curve balls

They didn’t curve our life though did they 

Came flying at us, at a rate

A rate of knots

Took us out thrown into the abyss

Winded for months 

The agony and pain never did heal properly 

Sealed but never the same 

Healed but never the same feeling 

Numbed in parts 

The eyes didn’t glimmer 

Not like they used to 

They had dulled out 

We didn’t trust anymore 

The hugs weren’t as deep as they once were 

The safety had gone 

The forever had ended 

The love was lost 

All before my news 

All before my news deepened the loss

Spread the love thinner 

Less to try for 

I’d never be me again 

Not the me you’d met in Starbucks 

You’d never be that woman I had met 

The one I tore my walls down for 

Bared it all for your eyes

For you to disregard me in years to come

I don’t know where my walls are any more

They got destroyed in the storm that took with it the possessions 

The memories torn off the walls like rubble 

Pictures that told stories 

That captivated smiles and laughter 

So many sunsets had we witnessed 

In our loving embrace 

So happy to have found each other 

Told the story of our love 

The impossible match 

The excitement of dates 

The safety all wrapped up in you 

I hung on to your every word 

I got lost in your eyes

Did anything to make you smile 

Changed my whole life for you 

So yeah I’m talking about us more these days 

I’m telling the stories as the pain begins to soften 

For I have grieved for so much 

This past year or more has been so difficult 

But without you by my side 

It’s taken some time 

Time to adjust 

I’m still learning my own path 

My own direction 

There is only one set of footprints now

And I know sooner rather than later, I will stop looking for yours …. 

Tom, may you rest now

What can I tell you about my step grandad

Let’s remove the step first of all

For he lived in my life longer than Taid so I feel that title should change

Memories of Tom have been falling into my mind

Those from my childhood and older

Of seeing him last Saturday after such a long time 

To being with him in France as a youngster

From memories of his dogs Jaffa and Gater

To the portraits of us as kids and from weddings

From his love for scrabble and always winning 

Of enjoying red wine

Of eating more and mopping the plate with bread

To saying nothing at dinner other than a burp

From hating adverts on tv that be muted the sound

To spending time in his studio at the top of the house

Silently creating art with such detail and heart

Of people I knew well or of those I’d never met 

Tom was sarcastic in nature

Quick witted with his responses

So quick on his feet that he would catch you off guard

With his funny comments and his little laugh

More like a smirk or smile as he wound up my Nan 

For this, for him was endless fun

Whether admitting to being an Eastenders fan, or sitting for hours doing his sudoku 

Tom was intelligent and had lived such a long full life

89 years 6months of pure talent and creations

Whether through watercolour or built

Barns and studios and anything else

Well travelled and able to speak languages

So many stand out cars

The yellow one being my favourite

Commenting on my driving speed being slow, needing to save my money, to liking my written work and suggesting publishing it

Looking after me when I was younger 

Being found fast asleep together 

His favourite cereal being Jordan’s granola

Tanning well on holiday 

Remember when that large sun canvas landed on my head?

Or us not seeing eye to eye?

We were able to openly talk and disagree 

You loved ice cream 

You always had seconds if you could

You were always smartly dressed

For that pipe that you smoked, and sitting there in tweed

Your hat sat proudly.. peaky blinders style 

You had good taste in programmes

You loved my Nan 

You made her happy for all this time 

I will miss your presence

Because even with your lack of hearing or involvement in every conversation 

You always gave me time 

Even last Saturday 

You smiled when you saw me 

You listened to me

You hugged me and I said I would see you soon 

That next time we’d talk more

Your advice and ideas will not be forgotten 

I will do what I can to keep you alive in my world and heart

I will not forget about you 

You were my grandad 

I do hope you can rest and heal 

In peace 

I hope the adverts are gone where you are 

Plenty of wine and chocolate