The lock changes and the door drops
What if it never opens again
What if I have shut it all by accident
And I can't go back
What if I want to go back
What if I am starting to miss the qualities
What if I am missing me
The me who just perked up the room
I remember the first month passing
The thoughts were not in my head space
The space had been cleaned out and nothing was blocking production
It was a brilliant feeling
Such bliss not being disturbed by over thinking
Such bliss being able to just do things without any concern for outcomes
Not haphazard but just "normal"
But over time this blankness became a numbness which in turn became silence
Even I hadn't noticed properly then but the silence became deafening now and I realised I needed to change it
Do something
I felt a part of myself was just lost
Stuck behind this door which would not open anymore
I struggled to pull it open
When at times it wouldn't close
Got stuck
One extreme to the other
Tiring to just sit there
Almost begging for thoughts
Not a real answer to questions
Like the heart is not involved
Forcing emotions at times
Missing the traffic
Not enjoying the empty roads anymore
So
I decided I would make the necessary changes
Tough decision
But necessary
It's been 2 days
Cut it down
Will continue to do so
Watch this space
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